Ode on A Cretin Spurned
Pity the woman who thought a poetry symposium
Would be altogether savory, bright and cosy…umm,
While her husband led the country off to war. Ah,
Laura!
Who’ll invite poets, then their free speech trammel,
When she opposes their politics (like those of Sam Hamill)?
Who will open the White House up, then slam the door? Ah,
Laura!
Imagine her shock on finding that Whitman
Was not an apologist for Presidential hitmen
Or a mere eulogizer of the country’s flora.
Oh, Laura!
Or consider the example of Langston Hughes,
Who railed against all manner of political abuse –
Who would deny him the appropriate fora?
Yes, Laura!
She obviously sides with Plato,
Throw the poets out of NATO!
Impossible to imagine dancing the hora,
That’s Laura.
Somewhere in this wondrous land,
Poets take up the pen to oppose her murderous husband,
But, of them, she intends to hear no more! Ah,
Laura!
True Love Advertises Itself
“I go squirrely for men who are burly.”
“I’d never choose a girl with a big caboose.”
“I’m ever jangly with men who are gangly.”
“I will throw fits if a girl doesn’t have tits.”
“I find delicious men who are always suspicious.”
“I always get flirty with girls who talk dirty.”
“I can never despise men with wandering eyes.”
“I have no use for girls who are loose.”
“I never get weepy around men who are creepy.”
“I gasp at girls who grasp.”
“I go dotty for men who are naughty.”
“I’ll give a second look to a girl who can cook.”
Is it any wonder relationships don’t last?
Words That Rhyme with Orange # 12 & 35
Blanc mange
Phelange
Working Man’s Nursery Rhyme Blues
A tisket, a tasket
A completely full in-basket
Errmmm…
Jack and Jill
Went to The Hill
To fetch a favourable tax shelter
Oh, no, no, no
Mary had a little firm,
It fleeced the WTO
Oh, dear
They grow up too fast these days!
Internet Time of Your Life
You want to hear the “Minute Waltz” in 47 seconds.
You want to go Around the World in 80 Days in 67 days and 21 hours.
You want to enjoy 24 Hour Party People in only 18 hours and 37 minutes.
You want to watch 60 Minutes in 46 Minutes 37 Seconds.
You want your Minute Rice to be made in 44 seconds.
You want John Cage’s 4’33” to last two minutes and 57 seconds.
You want to experience Seven Days in May in four days in March.
You want to learn How To Lose a Man in 10 Days, but you would prefer if you could lose him in 6 days, 12 hours and 23 minutes.
You want to watch This Hour Has 22 Minutes, but it would be better for you if it was This Three Quarters of An Hour Has 17 and a Half Minutes.
This is your life. But, this is our speed.
The ABCs of Comedy
Albert Brooks
Buster Keaton
Charlie Chaplin
Dennis Miller
Ernie Kovacs
Franklin Pangborn
Groucho Marx
Harold Lloyd
I. A. L. Diamond
John Cleese
Ken Finkleman
Lucille Ball
Martin Short
Norman Lear
Oliver Hardy
Peter Sellers
Queen Aishah
Richard Pryor
Sid Caesar
Tommy Smothers
Una Merkel
Valerie Curtain
Woody Allen
Xavier Michaledes
Yakov Smirnoff
Zero Mostel
Art Buchwald
Bill Murray
Catherine O’Hara…
May I Be Franks?
Little Tommy Franks
In charge of all the tanks
To be used in the attack
On the evil madman of Iraq
By the side of little Tommy
Stands Cathy, his own dear “Mommy”
Many years ago, the two did marry
Now she enjoys the perks of the military
Flights on Army planes and a bodyguard
And, from classified meetings she’s never barred
Such security breaches to abate
The Army has begun to investigate
Little Donny Rumsfeld
Should have his tongue held
For the investigation’s entirety
Instead of talking about Tommy’s integrity
All of this is idle prattle
For Tommy will still have his battle
Whether he’s found wrong or right
Such is his CIC’s insight
Though his judgement you may abhor
He will yet lead us off to war
The General in charge of pranks
Little Tommy Franks