Ordinary People Feel “Highly Awkward”
“PM embraces the ‘ordinary people'”
– National Post
Look For The Garlic-flavoured ISPs
“Improving asset productivity key to fighting the inflation vampire”
– Globe and Mail
They’re Obviously Unclear On The Concept Of “Naval Warfare”
“Pirates capture ship carrying 30 tanks”
– National Post
With Diamonds Or Human Sacrifices? (Horoscopes Can Be So Vague!)
“Entice the happiness fairy, Virgo.”
– Toronto Star
And Hope The Six Inch Steel Spikes In Their Shoes Would Do The Job
“A Harper majority would tread lightly”
– Globe and Mail
Remember This Headline The Next Time You Think One Of MY Puns Is Bad
“Back to the fuschia”
– National Post
And, This One
“Blimp firm takes off”
– Toronto Star
Remember: If You Look Around The Room And You Don’t See Skid Marks On Anybody Else’s Back, The Road Kill Is You
“Well heeled investors feasting on market’s road kill”
– Globe and Mail
Good Grief!
“This is All the Left’s Fault:
Dennis Sewell names the guilty men in the global financial crisis”
– The Spectator
“It’s the economy, Charlie Brown”
– Globe and Mail
Which Is Odd When You Consider That Five Minutes With Her Drives Him Insane
“After a decade apart, he’s still deeply in love with her”
– Toronto Star
I’m Covering Myself With One Hand As I Type This With The Other
“Plastics ingredient linked to smaller penises”
– Globe and Mail
General Petraeus Always Liked To Lowball Expectations
“Red Sox trying to stay modest about surge”
– National Post
I’m Sure The Judges Appreciate That
“The people are not hanging judges”
– Globe and Mail
Ten Million Dollars And Your Immortal Soul
“The price of victory”
– Toronto Star
Three Million Dollars And Your Precious Dignity
“The price of defeat”
– Toronto Star
There Will Be Changes, Just No Debate
“Abortion debate will stay closed, Harper says”
– Globe and Mail
To A Career In The Church?
“Reflections on the Big Owe of ’08
Financial chaos might hurt in the short term, but it’s making people think about where the pursuit of materialism has led them over the long haul”
– Globe and Mail
“Credit crunch shows futility of money: Pope
Church relies on earnings from $1 billion portfolio”
– Toronto Star
Not To Mention Reality
“McCain’s optimism bucks pundits, polls”
– Globe and Mail
Fashion Headline You’d Rather See On An Article In The Financial Section
“Thoughts from a financial idiot”
– National Post
Financial Headline That Would Make More Sense On An Article In The Fashion Section
“THE SKINNY ON THE ‘SHORTS'”
– National Post
Two Seconds Later: RCMP Exonerates Self In Review Of Insite Report
“RCMP launch review into Insite report”
– Globe and Mail
Circumstances May Force Their Hand, But They’ll Never Choose It
“Battered GM says bankruptcy ‘not an option'”
– National Post
But, You Can Suggest It To Your Husband Anyway
“There’s no guarantee neutering will curb aggression”
– Toronto Star
What If The Losses Are Certain?
“Bay Street shrink
Dr. Saunders says it is not the losses causing the anxiety. It’s the uncertainty.”
– National Post
Because The Air Freshener Surge Just Wasn’t Working
“Campaign to rethink the bathroom”
– Toronto Star
Get Out Your Club And Try To Forget Those Round, Rolly Things Or That Hot, Hot Stuff
“A grand opportunity for the brave as Darwinism rules the market”
– Globe and Mail
Really? Are You Purposefully Trying To Destroy The Economy?
“Our consumerist values need to be re-evaluated”
– Toronto Star
Good To Know Ontario Still Has A Leading Role In Confederation
“It seems likely Duncan will consider running a deficit
Ontario: Politics”
– Globe and Mail
“Like other premiers, Campbell could soon be seeing red
British Columbia: Economy”
– Globe and Mail, three pages later
The Lawyers Get Their Happily Ever After
“AFTER THE HAPPILY EVER AFTER…”
– National Post
Is The Country Ready For Such A Sarkozy Relationship With France?
“Sarkozy blesses idea of Canadian unity”
– Globe and Mail
Then, They Will Be Asked To Muse Strike. Then, Mull Over Strike. Then, Contemplate Strike. Then, Ruminate Over Strike. Then, Deliberate. Then, Cogitate. Then, Consider. By Then, The TV Season Will Be Over, And They Can Do What They Want
“Actors asked to ponder strike”
– Toronto Star
He’s Certainly Not His Brother Joe (For One Thing, The Fangs Are Real)
“‘We’re not an island,’ Flaherty says”
– Globe and Mail