Nineteen Eighty-Four
by George Orwell
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It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winst —
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The clock struck ten
The mouse ran down again
Hickory dicko —
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FROM: lizard@subparnet.com
TO: computer_fanatics-l@timewasters.yorku.edu
SUBJECT: care and feeding
I’ve noticed there is a lot of talk about mice on this mailing list. I’ve been having trouble with my pet mouse, Descartes, lately, and I thought somebody out there might be able to offer some advice. He hasn’t been eating his food pellets regularly, which I think is a big part of the problem. He’s listless and doesn’t run in his wheel as much as he used to. Any suggestions?
FROM: freakout@gatesworld.com
TO: computer_fanatics-l@timewasters.yorku.edu
SUBJECT: RE: care and feeding
Dear Lizard,
You are an idiot.
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The Ontology of The Idiot
Of all the different identities which are socially constructed, that of the fool figure, or, in more common parlance, the (id)iot, is, at one and the same time, both the saddest and, yet, the one which offers the richest sem(id)iotic stew of meaning, counter-meaning and advanced rhetorical conundrummation. For it is here, in this one sad, sometimes laughing, sometimes drooling figure, that the signified and the signifier are finally reconciled in an orgy of pratfalls, spit takes and bad puns; it is here that all of the irrationality which makes up the totality of the supressed, both in its individuated and collective guises, is sublimation of the desi —
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Q: Why did the idiot cross the road?
A: What?
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The Piston Engine
[image]
If you can’t see this image, maybe it’s time you went to [image]. That’s right, [image] is the foremost Web browser (except our competition, [image], oh, and, maybe [image], [image] and our lawyers won’t allow us to make such a statement without including [image]). Our Web browser is faster than [image] (which, as everybody knows, is about as useful as a snail on a griddle), on a par with [image] and [image], though not nearly as fast as [image]. But, then, do you want to buy something that will make Bill Gates even richer? We didn’t think so.
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Dear Mister Moneybags,
If your method of getting rich quick is really so good, how come you aren’t a millionaire?
Concerned Consumer
Dear Concerned,
If you had been paying attention, you would have known that I AM a millionaire. Several times over, actually. Thanks to people like you buying my books, my motivational tapes, “I am in charge of my own economic fate” coffee mugs and all the other fine merchandise put out by Mister Moneybags, Incorporated and our 27 worldwide subsidiaries (none of which, as I’m sure you know, are based in Wales).
Paying attention to details — that’s the difference between somebody in control of their own economic fate, and the pitiful losers who actually have to work from nine to five. Fortunately for you, paying attention to details is the theme of my latest book, _Adam Smith is In the Details_. With such chapters as “Wandering Mind — Foolish Mind” and “Fine Print — The Devil’s Due,” I tell you all you need to know about this vitally important aspect of taking control of your economic fate.
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FROM: anonremail@whoknows.where.com
TO: paranoia-l@nixon.recallcode.sw
SUBJECT: RE: who is in control?
Is it Coincidence that the World Bank annnounced that it was forgiving a substantial portion of Mexico’s debt on the same day that Pope John Paul II came down with the flu? Fools might think so. FOOLS AND ATHIESTS. But those who fear the Word of God know that Judgment is at hand. The Portents are all there, just read your Daily Newspaper. The seas are full of oil and our beer is full of water — can this, too, be a Coincidence? Or is there a Broader Fate being played out here of which we can only see snatches? And who can see the larger picture? The NSA? Cardinal Ratzinger? Remember when Jesus said, ‘Love thy neighbour as thyself?’ He never lived next to a liberal. Otherwise, his love might
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He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.