Global Warming, Political Cooling
CHINA: Developed nations must take responsibility for the pollution they have caused and bear the brunt of the cost of fixing global warming.
UNITED STATES: Developing nations must pay for the pollution they create on the road to development.
CHINA: Developed nations must take responsibility for the pollution they have caused and bear the brunt of the cost of fixing global warming.
UNITED STATES: Developing nations must pay for the pollution they create on the road to development.
CHINA: Developed nations must take responsibility for the pollution they have caused and bear the brunt of the cost of fixing global warming.
UNITED STATES: Developing nations must pay for the pollution they create on the road to development.
CHINA: Developed nations must take responsibility for the pollution they have caused and bear the brunt of the cost of fixing global warming.
UNITED STATES: Developing nations must pay for the pollution they create on the road to development.
CHINA: Developed nations have to take responsibility for the pollution they have caused and bear the brunt of the cost of global warming.
UNITED STATES: This isn’t much of a negotiation.
CHINA: I have changed my position.
UNITED STATES: You have?
CHINA: Didn’t you notice? I went from saying you must take responsibility to you have to take responsibility. Now, you say that you agree, and we all get home in time for Conan.
UNITED STATES: Hmm… (pause) Okay, how about this for a compromise: we set serious targets on reducing greenhouse gas emissions.
CHINA: How is that a compromise?
UNITED STATES: We don’t set any realistic way of getting to them.
CHINA: Mmm…I like the way you think!
Putting The Lie Back In Lieberman
How to negotiate with Senator “Country (of One)” Joe Lieberman
DEMOCRATS: Health reform must include a strong public option. That would lower everybody’s costs by forcing the health insurance companies to compete.
LIEBERMAN: No. It would be too expensive.
DEMOCRATS: It would actually save the government money.
LIEBERMAN: I don’t think so.
DEMOCRATS: But the Congressional Budget Office says –
LIEBERMAN: No.
DEMOCRATS: Okay. Forget the public option. Instead, let’s include a Medicare buy-in for anybody between the ages of 55 and 64.
LIEBERMAN: I’ll have to wait and see how the CBO scores it.
DEMOCRATS: Okay. That would be –
LIEBERMAN: Aww, who am I kidding? I oppose a Medicare buy-in for anybody between the ages of 55 and 64 – it would be too expensive.
DEMOCRATS: Bu – but, what about waiting for the CBO estimate?
LIEBERMAN: Life is too short.
DEMOCRATS: But, you campaigned for lowering the age of eligibility for Medicare when you were Al Gore’s running mate. As recently as three months ago, you said you were for it.
LIEBERMAN: Sorry. And, when I say that, I actually mean I’m not sorry at all, but I’m trying to be polite. You know. For the cameras.
DEMOCRATS: Okay. Forget the Medicare buy-in. Now will you vote to end the filibuster?
LIEBERMAN: We’ll see.
DEMOCRATS: We’ve gotten rid of the public option and the Medicare buy-in – what more do you want?
LIEBERMAN: I want to see Anthony Weiner dancing on the lawn of the White House, naked except for a pink tutu.
DEMOCRATS: He’s a Congressman, not a Senator.
LIEBERMAN: Ron Wyden, then.
DEMOCRATS: If that’s all –
LIEBERMAN: I want the President to go on Meet the Press and sing “Who Let the Dogs Out?”
DEMOCRATS: You can’t be serious.
LIEBERMAN: How badly do you want this health care reform bill?
DEMOCRATS: Ooookay. So, if we drop the public option and the Medicare buy-in, and get Ron Wyden to dance on the White House Lawn and –
LIEBERMAN: Naked except for a pink tutu.
DEMOCRATS: Naked except for a pink tutu, and have the President go on Meet the Press and sing “Who Let the Dogs Out?”, then will you vote to end the filibuster of the health care bill?
LIEBERMAN: We’ll see.
DEMOCRATS: You really hate the Democratic Party, don’t you?
LIEBERMAN: Just because you let Ned Lamont beat me in the primary, forcing me to run as an independent?
DEMOCRATS: Oh, yeah. You really hate the Democratic Party.
LIEBERMAN: No. I want what I have wanted all along – a bill that I can say yes to. The fact that such a bill is the opposite of what the Democratic Party wants is just a…happy bonus…