I Just Make Fun Of Half Of Them When I Think They Aren’t Listening Because…Well…Doesn’t Everybody?
“I care about 100 per cent of the American people.”
– Mitt Romney during the second Presidential debate
We Actively Prorogued The Government, THEN We Waited For The Uncertainty To Pass
“Governments around the world cannot sit idly by and wait for the uncertainty to pass.”
– Ontario Finance Minister Dwight Duncan
With Great Hooters Comes No Responsibility
“It shows in its total naturalness the daily life of a young, famous, modern couple in love.”
– Chi editor Alfonso Signorini, explaining his decision to publish topless photos of Prince William’s wife Kate Middleton
Can You Explain How Leaders Without Answers Would Make The Political System Be – Oh, Wait, That Would Require An Answer, Wouldn’t It?
“I do not present myself as a man with all the answers. In fact, I think we’ve had quite enough of that kind of politics.”
– Justin Trudeau, announcing his bid to lead the federal Liberal party
Why Would Anybody Expect You To?
“I don’t read ‘chick lit,’ fantasy or science fiction…”
– J. K. Rowling
Yeah, But He’s OUR Elmer Fudd, Dammit!
“He might as well be Elmer Fudd.”
– Rush Limbaugh praising Mitt Romney
That’s Some Enemies List – Did You Copy It Off Of Richard Nixon’s Test?
“All these folks are connected. This is going to continue. They won’t stop. They don’t believe in democracy. Do you know why? You’ve got the lefties there, you’ve got the socialists, then you’ve got the media. They’re all fighting for space on the front page.”
– Doug Ford, defending his brother, Mayor Rob Ford
Best To Keep Them Out, Then, So You Don’t Have To Worry
“If you’re going to have women in the work force, you need to be more flexible.”
– Republican Mitt Romney
Celebrity Journalism Is Reportedly May Be Hard
“Kristin Stewart is reportedly may be getting back together with Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson.”
– Toronto Star cutline
Sure – Just As Soon As A Normal Man Walking Down The Street Trips Over A Bag Containing A Billion Dollars
“I was talking to a friend the other day and we were wondering, ‘Will we ever have a man running for president again who’s fully normal? You know, just a normal person?”
– Peggy Noonan
Although Tax Cuts For The Wealthy Are A Certainty (The New Normal Is Big Enough To Encompass Many Things)
“I am sort of coming, and I think many Canadians are coming, to see a lot of this uncertainty as the new norm.”
– Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper
And, They’re Drinking Grog While Listening To Prog Rock In A Fog With Their Dog
“Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East.”
– how President George W. Bush explained his foreign policy to French President Jacques Chirac
Bankrupt With Success, You Mean?
When I took office, Toronto was “gonna be bankrupt within a year.”
– Mayor Rob Ford
Had You Been Born Of Mexican Parents, You’d Have A Better Shot Of Being Deported For Being An Illegal Immigrant If You Didn’t Cough Up Your Papers Every Time A Cop Asked For Them
And, If He Didn’t Like Your Car, Your ID Photo Or Your Attitude, Sometimes Even If You Did Cough Up Your Papers
“Had he been born of Mexican parents, I’d have a better shot of winning this.”
– Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney talking about his father
The Ayatollahs Couldn’t Agree More
“I think that one of the greatest mistakes that America made was to allow women the opportunity to vote. We should’ve never turned it over to women.”
– Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson, funder of a Tea Party group and frequent guest on Fox News
If Only You Would Say The Least!
“Somehow by manipulation of data we are all of a sudden below eight per cent unemployment, a month from the presidential election. This is Orwellian, to say the least…”
– Republican Congressman Allen West, on the reported drop in unemployment, 2012
“There’s a Jewish cabal, you know, running through this.”
– Republican President Richard Nixon, complaining about unfavourable unemployment numbers from the Bureau of Labour Statistics, 1971
This Could Open Up Whole New Possibilities For Law Enforcement
“I felt like my vagina died…you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But, you cannot lie to your vagina.”
– Olivia Wilde on the end of her marriage