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I Wanted To Be A Vegas Headliner, But All I Got Was This Lousy Newspaper Gig

Book 14 Cover

Excerpts from Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines Web page:

Toto, The World Economy Is Not Based In Kansas Any More


“GM accelerates in China
Today’s results forecast to show Chinese vehicles sales now rival domestic market’s”

“CHINA’S CURRENCY
De-emphasizing stability”

“Currency rift casts shadow on Obama’s hopes for strengthening U.S. trade with China”

“Wary Chinese restrict Obama’s town-hall session”

“GE makes a bold play for Chinese jet business”


– all headlines from the November 16, 2009 edition of the Globe and Mail


Has Been Smearing Aristotle With DW40


“Oil industry obscuring the truth”

Toronto Star


Notice The Black Area Where You Can Usually Find The Conscience


“This is your brain on capitalism”

National Post


The Medium-sized Attack Ad Is The Message


“Regulator warns TV, cable firms: Turn down the volume”

Globe and Mail

“CTV threatens to pull the plug
Broadcasting giant tells cable companies to pay or it will yank programs and close stations”


Toronto Star, the same day


British Prime Minister Changes Mind Between Page A1 And Page A7


“Brown aims to set timeline for Britain’s Afghan withdrawal”

Globe and Mail

“Brown set to announce addition of 500 troops to Afghan force”


– headline on the turn for the above story


Well, Yes, But If Done Properly At Least It Won’t Leave A Mark On Readers


“Torture shocker”

Metro


That’s Our Job


“Don’t confuse the latest fads with the best ideas”

Globe and Mail


WHAT? Now Is No Time To Tell Us That Now Is No Time For That!


“Now is no time to learn pitfalls of bond market”

National Post


Everybody Is Behind Him (Except The People)


PAINT IT BLUE How the PM has remade Canada in his own, conservative image”

Toronto Star

“Canadians dismayed by Ottawa’s record on climate change
Poll finds three quarters are embarrassed that country hasn’t taken international lead on cutting greenhouse gases”


Globe and Mail

“More Canadians prefer troops returned to peacekeeping
Poll shows Canadians prefer non-combat role”


Toronto Star

“Public health care scores big in poll as MDs study privatization”


Toronto Star


Only A Vampire Can Truly Love Her Settee


“Love is fleeting but furniture lasts forever”

Toronto Star


Being A Wine Connoisseur…Rebirthing – It’s Such A Fine Line


“BURP VS. SPIT”

National Post


The $64 Question: Why Is It Anybody’s Business?
The $1 Question: Why Is It Getting Blanket Coverage In The Press?


“The $164 question: Will tiger lose halo?”

Toronto Star


So, The Conservative Economic Plan Is Based On…Getting Lucky?


“Scoring in China – without prostituting ourselves”

Globe and Mail


But, I’ve Got The SuperHellishlyHot Chili Fries Right In Front Of Me!


“Wait for natural gas revolution”

– National Post


Thought She Was Getting A Mole Removed


“Surprise lung transplant gives mom renewed hope”

Toronto Star


…In Bed (If They Want To Avoid Getting Divorced)


“Pilots need to be truly awake”

Globe and Mail


That’s Why They Avoid It
How Do You Think They Became Rich In The First Place?


“The wise rich know about risk”

National Post


Don’t Confuse Yourself With The Facts


“Job losses
U.S. slows firing, but companies aren’t hiring yet”

– the view from the Globe and Mail‘s Report on Business

“Stimulus means business: Companies are finally hiring again”


– the view from the Globe and Mail‘s front page


It Depends On How Much You Channels Yer Inner Popeye


“Love and adventure…will I says yes?”

Toronto Star


On A Positive Note, All Of The Bad Golf Puns Will Be Exhausted For Several Generations To Come


“Woods hopes to salvage par from unplayable lie”

Globe and Mail


You’d Like To Think They’re Talking About The Sociopaths Running Wall Street, But…


“Mental illness taking massive toll on economy”

Toronto Star


The Market Is Giving Me Gas – Where Is The Tun’s?


“Momemtum stocks for the active traders”

Globe and Mail


Man Denies, God Laughs


“First snow-free November near
Nary a flake of white stuff would be unprecedented since Toronto began tracking snowfalls in 1937″

Toronto Star


Shocker!


“USA TODAY
26 jobs fall under axe”

Toronto Star

“Toronto Star to cut 78 editing jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Talisman lays off 220 in North American unit”


Globe and Mail

“Xstrata to close Ontario smelter, cut 670 jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Bombardier to jettison 715 staff in Montreal”


Toronto Star

“Rogers cuts 900 jobs; hikes Cogeco stake”


Globe and Mail


“Ericsson to axe 1,000 jobs in Sweden”
Globe and Mail

“Video game publisher cutting jobs in Canada”


Toronto Star on Electronic Arts cutting 1,500 jobs

“Ontario shrinks civil service by 1,500 jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Pfizer to shut six research centres, cull 2,000 lab jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Sprint Nextel to axe as many as 2,500 positions”


Globe and Mail

“GM Europe to cut 9,000 jobs, add shift at U.K. plant”


Toronto Star

“Job anxiety on the rise”


Toronto Star


One Unemployment Statistic Nobody Would Mourn


“Bernanke pleads his case for Fed reappointment”

Toronto Star


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