I Knew It! I Knew It! I Always Knew That God Was Richard Simmons!
“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said: ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we’ve got to rein in the spending.”
– Republican Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann
Thankless Job #47
“Obviously she was saying it in jest.”
– Bachmann campaign spokesperson Alice Stewart, in response to the whole go, weather and diets thing
A Quiet Revolu – Wait. Where Have I Heard That Before?
“Yes, I would like to start a revolution, but not a disruptive revolution.”
– Frank Stronach, founder of Magna International
When It Comes To Race Relations? Burn, Coburn!
“His [President Obama’s] intent isn’t to destroy. It’s to create dependency because it worked so well for him… As an African American male, coming through the progress of everything he experienced, he got tremendous benefit through a lot of these programs.”
– Republican Senator Tom Coburn
Oh, Yeah – We’re Doomed
“In a majority government, particularly one headed by an all-controlling Prime Minister, one of the few checks on power is strong journalism.”
– Lawrence Martin, Globe and Mail columnist
Free The Paul…Err…One!
“With regard to the idea whether or not you have a right to healthcare you have to realize what that implies. I am a physician. You have the right to come to my house and conscript me… It means you believe in slavery. You are going to enslave not only me but the janitor at my hospital, the person who cleans my office, the assistants, the nurses. …You are basically saying you believe in slavery.”
– Rand Paul
“They Would Destroy My Job, So What More Proof Do You Need?”
“The President is emphatic that taxes have to be raised. I know taxes destroy jobs.”
– Speaker of the House John Boehner
It’s Hard To Make Weapons Out Of Rubble
“Afghanistan is no longer a threat to the world.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper
And Seth Rogen Loved Playing The Humour In The Green Lantern
“Vancouver-born [Ryan] Reynolds said that Green Hornet was the most physically demanding role he’s had.”
– Globe and Mail review
That Doesn’t Mean I Won’t Support Them – I’ll Just Make A Little Frowny Face Before I Do
“I will always be an advocate in terms of wars of necessity. I am just much more cautious on wars of choice.”
– US Defense Secretary Robert Gates
And, Massacring Schoolchildren Benefits The Fight For Life, Liberty And Western Civilization How?
“The supposed beliefs of the Norway massacre’s perpetrator has got the left in general wetting itself in delirium at this apparently heaven-sent opportunity to take down those who fight for life, liberty and western civilization against those who would destroy it.”
– British journalist, loosely defined, Melanie Phillips
Of Course, I May Change My Opinion By Thursday…
“Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.”
– Republican Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich
She Probably Wishes She Had No Clue Who You Were, Either
“I don’t even know her. If she walked by me, I wouldn’t have a clue who she is.”
– Toronto City Councillor Doug Ford, on library closing critic Margaret Atwood
Some People Use Language Like Their Own Personal Fog Machine
Fed Chairman Willing To Rent Rhetoric To Heavy Metal Bands If It Will Help Economy
“Notwithstanding these more positive developments, however, it is clear that the recovery from the crisis has been much less robust than we had hoped.”
– Fed Chair Ben Bernanke
Hacker’s Corollary To Godwin’s Law:
The First Person To Refer To Manure In A Political Debate Loses
“We’ve had Obama with all his soaring rhetoric, with all this nonsense, he’s like a manure spreader in a windstorm. It stinks. It’s flying all over the place and it’s not pretty.”
– former Republican Presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty
Did You Learn Nothing From Tim Pawlenty?
“People say ‘It’s all about the story.’ When you’re making tentpole films, bullshit.”
– Andy Hendrickson, Chief Technical Officer at Disney
We Will Use Platitudes. We Will Use Powerful Rhetorical Constructions. We Will Watch The World Economy Go Kablooie.
“We will stay the course. We will stay on track. We will continue with the plan.”
– Finance Minister Jim Flaherty
Tiger Woods May Have Paid Too Close Attention To This Scene
“Don’t try to be cool or smooth or whatever; just be honest and take a risk. And you know what, whatever happens, if you act from the heart, you can’t make a mistake.”
– Molly Griswold (Rene Russo) in the movie Tin Cup
Because Then You Could Shoot Yourself In The Foot Literally Instead Of Merely Figuratively?
“[It’s] a good thing I can’t pack a gun on the Senate floor.”
– Republican Senator Tom Coburn
Making Warr On The Independence Of The Police Force
“That was what the government wanted, and that is what the government asked us to do, and we did it.”
– Toronto Deputy Police Chief Tony Warr explains the force’s behaviour towards G20 protestors
So…I Can’t Dry My Hands With A Marriage?
Or…I Can Marry A Napkin, But Not A Paper Towel?
“This is a napkin. I can call this napkin a paper towel, but it is a napkin. Why? Because that’s what it is. So when people come out and say that marriage is something else – marriage is the marriage of five people, five, 10, 20. Marriage can be between fathers and daughters. Marriage can be between any two people, any four people, any 10 people, it can be any kind of relationship and we can call it marriage. But it doesn’t make it marriage.”
– Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum makes a metaphysical argument against gay marriage