The holiday season is upon us once again. Of course, this means mandatory attendance at one or more long, boring parties at which you will be force to socialize with people you don’t like and/or haven’t seen in several years. It also means agonizing over gifts you are obligated to buy for acquaintances with whom you are barely familiar, and whose taste is completely unknown to you. And, then, there’s always the children.
Alright, the holiday season is really a time of unequalled anxiety and thinly veiled greed. But, if you’re planning on entertaining during this festive time, one thing you don’t have to be anxious about is what kind of rock music videos you are going to play for your guests. If you haven’t already committed yourself, why not try heavy metal?
Heavy metal rock videos are easy to make and, considering the art form, relatively inexpensive. And, won’t your guests envy you for your good taste and ability to stomach excessive amounts of violence!
Despite what some critics think, there is actually more than one type of heavy metal video, and choosing just the right one for your kind of crowd can be a problem. Some people go to the trouble of making a lot of different videos and having extras on hand in case the one they originally chose doesn’t go over very well. When in doubt, ask yourself one very important question: “Did these people enjoy Friday the Thirteenth, Part Thirteen?
Once you have made your video, how you present it is almost as important as how good it is. Sometimes, more so. Heavy metal videos don’t hold up well under bright lights, and a dimly lit room with a large television screen is consider de rigeur. Warning guests of what they are about to see is, of course, the prerogative of the host or hostess; but, remember that the best heavy metal videos are not good to watch if one has had a lot of egg nog.
The three recipes that follow are the most common for heavy metal rock videos, but hosts are encouraged to experiment with their own ingredients. You may not expand an art form, but at least you’ll please your guests!
Heavy Metal Concert Surprise
3 long shots of band
5 two-shots of guitarists at microphone
3 close-ups of drummer, playing wildly
5 close-ups of bass guitarist, playing
5 close-ups of lead guitarist, playing (6 if he’s cute, 8 if he’s ugly)
2 close-ups of lead guitarist, singing
2 close-ups of bass guitarist, sticking tongue out at camera
1 close-up of lead singer, about to bite the head off a live bat (surprise!)
12 inserts, newsreel footage of violence
DIRECTIONS
Start with long shot of band. Liberally mix in close-ups and violent inserts. Towards the end, throw in the shot of lead singer about to bite the head off live bat for added spice. Serves for three or four minutes.
Heavy Metal A La Carte
3 shots of violence against women, actual
5 shots of violence against woman, implied
6 shots of couple petting, various dress
4 small-scale explosions
4 full-scale explosions
10 inserts, cars, various angles, various speeds
12 inserts, street gang moving down alley
3 shots of band
DIRECTIONS
Mix footage of cars, street gang and violence against women, both actual and implied. Lightly sprinkle petting shots and shots of band. End with explosions. Serves for three to five minutes.
Metal Hurlant Conceptuel
4 shots of heavy machinery (animated)
3 shots of creepy shadows (animated)
5 shots of people walking around like zombies (animated)
2 shots of bulls locking horns
3 shots of smokestack polluting the air
2 shots of waves washing against a shore
1 close-up of an exploding television set
12 inserts of band, playing
DIRECTIONS
Throw it all together and hope it doesn’t explode in your face. Serves anywhere from seven to 12 minutes.