The New New Economy: Death By 1,960 Cuts
“Bell axes jobs at Mississauga call centre”
– Toronto Star
“Quebec drug sector cuts jobs amid global pinch”
– Globe and Mail
“Layoffs looming for 60 nurses
Scarborough Hospital blames ‘budget challenges'”
– Toronto Star
“RETAIL LAYOFFS
Sears Canada cuts 400 more employees”
– Toronto Star
“Caterpillar pulls plug on London plant
Multinational giant closes Electro-Motive in latest blow to labour; 450 workers locked out since Jan. 1 lose their jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Direct Energy to move HQ to Texas
Firm plans to slash 500 T.O. jobs as it seeks to ‘open’ energy market in U.S.”
– Toronto Star
“BANKING
RBS poised to cut thousands of jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“ADM announces 1,000 job cuts”
– Globe and Mail
“Kraft to cut 1,600 jobs in split”
– Globe and Mail
“Novartis to cut 1,960 U.S. jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Japan’s NEX slashing 10,000 jobs globally”
– Globe and Mail
“American Airlines aims to cut 13,000 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
His Assistant, Nurse Cat, Suggests You Get A Second Opinion
“Dr. Dog prescribes smiles”
– Toronto Star
Not To Mention For The Poor, Self-defecating
“Europe: ‘Fiscal austerity alone would risk becoming self-defeating'”
– Globe and Mail
Save Time – Go Straight To Enduring Bitterness
“Move past hurt for your wedding day”
– Toronto Star
Hear Copy Editors Around The Nation Graon
“Hear me raor”
– Globe and Mail
The Firing Of The Editor Responsible For This Headline Was Mighty White Of The Network
“Chink in the Armor:
Jeremy Lin’s 9 Turnovers Cost Knicks in Streak-stopping Loss to Hornets”
– ESPN
However, League Not Ready To Let Team Go Golfing After Opening Day
“Jays ‘ready to go for it’ Bautista says”
– Toronto Star
This May Be The Only Time Alberta Listens To Climate Researchers
Cherish It
“Science rides to aid of oil sands
Respected climate researchers report that, while no oil is good oil, the impact of Alberta’s resource has been overstated”
– Globe and Mail
It’s A…Big Wall? A…Huge Wall? How About…Fantastic? A Fantastic Wall? Give Us A Moment – We’ll Find A Great Way Of Describing It…
“Cracking China’s Wall Of Denial About Pollution”
– New York Times
Excellent News!
Conservatives Will Have To Slow Their Mad Rush Towards Americanization
“Economic mobility: Rising income inequality may fuel drift toward Americanization”
– Globe and Mail
Those Who Remain Silent Get Spooned
“Knives out for those who speak the truth”
– Toronto Star
Why Not? It’s Not Like They’re Using It Any More
“Is American dream still available?”
– Boston Globe
Journalists Accused Of Jumping Gun
Stories About Escalating Costs Aren’t Scheduled To Appear For Another Six Months
“CEO denies critics claims the Games are overbudget”
Toronto Star
Extra Letters To Comes At No Additional Cost
“Serbia to buys back U.S. Steel plant for $1”
– Globe and Mail
Dobie Gillis
“The ethical pregnancy
Who decides the makings of a modern family?”
– National Post
Sure, If It Was Made With Century-old Cognac, Kobe Beef And Fresh Lobster…What? It Is? Really? Would You, Uhh, Take A Check?
“Would you pay $100 for a hotdog?”
– Toronto Star
#237: Greek Finance Minister Gets Drunk, Signs Agreement “Mickey Mouse” And Falls Off The Floor
“As clock ticks, many ways Greek talks could fail”
– Globe and Mail
Somebody Should Really Tell Them The News
“Newspapers still popular, publishers say”
– Toronto Star
IF THE FRUIT TALKS TO YOU, SEEK HELP
“BEARINGS
LOOK PAST THE EAST COAST SEAFOOD AND YOU’LL FIND A GIANT SMILING BLUEBERRY”
– National Post
I Don’t Know – It Stayed At Union Station
“What happened at Union Station”
– Toronto Star
Believed It Was Standard Operating Procedure In Modern Corporations
“Nortel bosses rigged books for bonuses, court hears”
– Globe and Mail
The Bottom Line Is: Killing Customers Is Bad For The Bottom Line
“Carnival stock drops 16 per cent
Cruise line expects to lose $95M after ship runs aground off Italy”
– Toronto Star
And, When I Say “We” I Mean “You”
“RETIREMENT
We’ll keep working, and we’ll like it”
– Globe and Mail
Better The E-coli You Know…
“Japanese Struggle to Protect Their Tainted Food Supply”
– New York Times
A Pox On Both Their 1040 Forms!
“Florida: Romney, Gingrich accusing each other of profiting from mortgage meltdown”
– Globe and Mail
Headline Writer High On Own Cleverness
“Liberals end on a high note
Party optimistic about 2015 after moves to woo new backers, legalize pot”
– Toronto Star
Israelis Expected To Laugh Heartily
“US military chief to talk with Israelis”
– Boston Globe
Israeli Laughter Short-lived
“Israel withdraws Abbas’s VIP status”
– Boston Globe
I’m Not Gonna Explain It To The Prime Minister!
You Explain It To The Prime Minister!
“Why we need contrarians, and their views”
– Globe and Mail
Executive Bonuses Down To Only 15% Increase
“Everybody In This Economy Is Sacrificing” CEO Says
“Goldman Sachs profit down 58%”
– Toronto Star
Wow! He Really IS A Virgin!
“Branson’s call: A new role for capitalism
Abandon business as usual and help create a better world, the head of Virgin Group urges”
– Globe and Mail
Economic Actors Shrug Off Belief That They Are Rational
“Markets shrug off rating downgrades
Moody’s actions may have been anticipated, explaining lack of panic, though ‘negative’ outlook for Britain still cause for concern”
– Globe and Mail
“World’s factories gear down
Weak manufacturing data add to bad economic news, but stocks rise as investors decide it could have been worse”
– Globe and Mail
“TSX rises despite negative data”
– Toronto Star
“Analysts bullish despite market losses”
– Globe and Mail
“Analysts get behind Domtar despite Q2 miss”
– National Post
“Oil markets shrug off Libya revolt”
– Globe and Mail