Once You Can Fake That…
“How to be a social media influencer
Social media stars share tips on making it big. At No. 1: Be authentic”
– Toronto Star
NOT A Reference To Neanderthalus Trumpio
“Canadian fossil find sheds light on the evolution of bigness”
– Toronto Star
Former President Trump Asks, “Why Didn’t I Think Of That?”
A Second Later, Former President Trump Adds: “Wait, I Did Think Of That! Why Didn’t
Congress Let Me Do It? Stupid Congress!”
“Top Haitian prosecutor seeking to charge PM in killing is replaced”
– Toronto Star
But It’s Still Better Than A Majority Running At Full Speed In The Wrong Direction
“Minority rule means more foot-dragging on tough decisions”
– Toronto Star
Politicians Staying Limber; It’s The Voters Who Are Getting Cramps
“Singh eyes Trudeau’s votes as campaign hits homestretch”
– Toronto Star
This Is Obviously NOT A Reference To Texas, Or, As The State Likes To Think Of Itself, Gilead In Cowboy Boots
“This Is the Way Theocracy Shrivels”
– New York Times
They Haven’t Been Paying Attention To The Right Rumours
“Canadians, despite rumours, still trust in democracy”
– Toronto Star
Sorry, But I Don’t Eat Food Whose Name I Can’t Pronounce
I…I’ve Lost A Lot Of Weight, Lately
On The Plus Side, It’s A Bestselling Diet Book Waiting To Happen…
“Make this bouillabaisse dish, remember it forever”
– Toronto Star
Wait Two Years: If You Haven’t Heard From Them, You Should Know
“I think I’ve just been dumped but I’m not sure”
– Toronto Star
Just Long Enough For People To Discover That Being Deep Is Hard
“Superficial was out, at least for a little while”
– Toronto Star
“We, Uhh, Have Been Starved For Entertainment Since The Pandemic Started,” Mayor Allows
“How Stoppy became beacon of resiliency
Pennsylvania town fell in love with sign that keeps getting knocked down”
– Toronto Star
This Headline Is A Test. Choose The One That Actually Accompanied The Article:
a) Preferably Not While You’re On The Assembly Line
b) Wilson Has Been Snoozing In The Afternoons For Years; If You Don’t Show You’re Just As Good At It As He Is, He Could Be Promoted Ahead Of You!
c) Or Try New Power Nap LiteTM, Now With 17 Per Cent Less Seconds!
“Feel tired at work? Ditch the caffeine and take a power nap”
– Toronto Star
It’s Been A Long Time, But Surely You Have Some Members Who Are Old Enough To Remember How It’s Done
“COVID VACCINES
Unions: Do the right thing”
– Toronto Star
And You Wonder What’s Keeping It From Happening?
The Obstacle Is Baked Right Into The Premise
“Affordable child care will help women re-enter workforce”
– Toronto Star
Where The Vampires Were Waiting…
“U.S. War on Terror Continues in the Shadows”
– New York Times
But, We’ve Got A Good Ball Club That Will Give It 110 Per Cent Because We Want To Win More Than The Other Team, So We Will Win The Game
Election? What Election?
“Winning trust will prove decisive”
– Toronto Star
Yes, We Can’t!
“Afghanistan is broken. No one there can fix it”
– Toronto Star
“No proof pets can transmit coronavirus, experts say”
– Toronto Star
“Blinded by the blight: Our fear of outsiders during a pandemic can hinder societal progress”
– Globe and Mail
“Canada can follow Britain’s lead on Huawei – Trudeau doesn’t owe Trump a thing”
– Globe and Mail
“How Canada can raise its profile on the world stage”
– Toronto Star
“Canada can outvaccinate the Americans”
– Globe and Mail
Some Institutions Never Learn
“Universities told to improve sex assault policies”
– Toronto Star
It’s The Only X-Sport Students Are Good At
“‘Extreme absenteeism’ up during pandemic
Research on GTA boards shows concerning trend with elementary students”
– Toronto Star
Unfortunately, There Is No Vaccine For Politics
“Vaccines, not politics, are the antidote to inflation”
– Toronto Star
But…There Was Permission In Their Eyes!
“‘Talk to people…before you dig up their backyard'”
– Toronto Star
We’ll All Go Together When We Go?
“Inflation Is worldwide. That Might Be Good.”
– New York Times
It’s Pretty Hard On Sane People, Too
“Climate change is adding to challenges facing loons”
– Toronto Star
The Fraser Institute Says Government Emergency Payments Are To Blame
Sorry, But Their Theory Trumps Your Reality
”’Hot, stressful and the pay is awful’
Restaurant workers say low wages and instability fuelling labour shortage”
– Toronto Star
Teachers Determined To Commit Lecce
“Lecce commits to keeping schools open”
– Toronto Star
Taking My Inflatable Girlfriend To A Fancy Restaurant Taught Me The Same Thing
“Gardening has taught me not to fear imperfection”
– Toronto Star
There Will Be No Tributes To The Ungratefulest Generation
“Canadians unwilling to make sacrifices for climate change”
– Toronto Star