It Would Require Many Jellyfish To Grow A Spine
Wait – Sorry, Did I Say Jellyfish? I Meant Politicians
And Did I Say Spine? I Meant Conscience
“What’s wrong with defunding police to stop people dying?”
– Toronto Star
“You Wanna Know What I Think Is UNREASONABLE Force?” He Shouted, Unholstering His Gun, “I’ll Show You Unreasonable Force!”
After He Was Subdued By A Bailiff, The Trial Continued
“Cop says he used reasonable force in arrest
Toronto officer testifies at assault trial about 2021 arrest of Brampton man who died hours later”
– Toronto Star
If He Hadn’t Got The Wrong Suspect, He Wouldn’t Have Been Investigated At All
The Penalty Was For Being A Dumbass
“One-year demotion for Taser use
Tribunal compares cop’s knee-to-neck restraint on Black student to one that killed George Floyd”
– Toronto Star
Union Rep Assures Him He Will Continue To Receive His Salary
“Officer gets seven years in prison
Justice says constable who stole watch, credit cards from people showed ‘shocking immorality'”
– Toronto Star
Chief Wiggum Says, “There’s No Credible Evidence That – OH MY GOD, WHAT’S WRONG WITH PEOPLE‽”
Oddly, Public Not Reassured
“Springfield police say no reports of pets stolen, after viral social media post”
– Springfield News-Sun
No Such Thing
Come On, People! “Police Force -” It’s Right There In The Name!
“Officer accused of using too much force”
– Toronto Star
“In Our Defence,” The Police Union Responded, “The Disclosure Wasn’t That Impressive…”
“Judge tosses case over delayed evidence
Slow police disclosure could affect more cases”
– Toronto Star
When It’s Brown
“When will we see RCMP’s report on greenbelt?”
– Toronto Star
In Solemn Ceremony, Officer Who Got Hit In The Face By The Baton Of An Overzealous Colleague Buries Tooth In Back Yard
“Cops honour ‘most fearless canine’
– Toronto Sun
They Should Focus On What’s Really Important To Their Jobs: Killing Unhoused People!
“Police killing of Indigenous people has to stop”
– Toronto Star
“He Was Holding A Shiny Object,” Officer Recounts, “He Left Us No Choice!”
“Police fatally shoot stabbing suspect
Witnesses say man stole knife from restaurant and tried to rob store across street, injuring two”
– Toronto Star
Spokeswoman Assures Public The Missing Shopping Centre Will Be Found
“Police arrest six in mall robbery”
– Toronto Star
“You Wanted Me To Wait Until The Case Worked Its Way Through The Justice System? Seriously?” Line Of Defence Rejected
“Officer guilty of assault in off-duty clash
Cop tackled teen, who later died, after Kijiji deal gone bad”
– Toronto Star
It Will Make A Nice Break From Harassing Protesters, Although Opportunities To Break Out The Pepper Spray Will Be Limited
“Police say they will crack down on drivers blocking intersections”
– Toronto Star
Maybe If The Cops Were More Concerned With Catching The Right Guy Than Catching A Cold, This Wouldn’t Have Happened!
“Charges dropped in viral takedown at Leafs game
Man sues police, MLSE and Bell over ‘false arrest”
– Toronto Star
If They Took Their Feet Off The Gas, They Might Not Need To Replace As Many Cruisers
“Police looking for white SUV”
– Toronto Star
And He Has The Stats To Back That Opinion Up
He Has…He Could Have Sworn He Had The Stats To Ba – Maybe In His Back Pock – No, Not There…What About His Briefcase? Nyuh Unh – Not There, Either
Uhh…Can He Get Back To You On The Whole Stats To Back That Opinion Up Thing?
“Police say shootout example of challenges
Chief says ‘exchange of gunfire’ that killed Aurora teen reflects increase in violence officers face”
– Toronto Star
Just One More Reason Oral Culture Will Not Die
“Ford abandons plan to control police boards
Appointees would have been limited to a supplied list”
– Toronto Star
Too Bad Hobbes Wasn’t There To Act As His Conscience
“‘Calvin took him down,’ cop’s trial hears
Teen tackled after money returned in Kijiji deal gone bad, colleague testifies”
– Toronto Star
[EXPLETIVE DELETED] You For Even [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Asking Such A [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Question, You [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Piece Of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!
What‽
“Are police too hung up on masculinity to ask for help?”
– Toronto Star
You’re Only Just Realizing This Now? HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE HEADLINES‽
“Shameful police behaviour erodes public trust”
– Toronto Star