The Pun You’ll Be Able To Make If The Native Leader Dies Will Be A Killer!
“Spence hungry for more”
– Toronto Sun
“She was starved for some attention”
– Toronto Sun
Which Headline Is About The NHL Lockout And Which About The “Fiscal Cliff?”
“Now it’s down to real negotiating”
– Toronto Star
“Last points of dispute settled”
– Toronto Star
What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
NEVER SAY THAT! NOT EVER!
“How bad can one meal be?”
– Globe and Mail
“Why the housing market won’t crash”
– Toronto Star
Looking…Loooooooking…Aaaand – Nope, I Can’t See A Connection There
“How I triumphed over bone cancer and reshaped my investing strategy”
– Globe and Mail
What Do You Mean That’s Not A Typo?
“Can he a-Ford not to?”
– metro
Would Have Been Better Before Mission Started
“Military soul-searching near mission’s end”
– Toronto Star
Actually, Crack Was The New Food
Which Would Mean That Food Is The New Food
“Is food the new crack?”
– NOW
Because, With The Liberal Party In A Shambles, No Man Wants The Position
(Anybody Remember Kim Campbell?)
“Ontario on verge of first female premier”
– Toronto Star
Yet BP And Shell Still Expected To Make Record Profits
“Global energy bullies losing stronghold”
– Globe and Mail
Defence Counterspell May Not Be Legal In This Jurisdiction
“Witchcraft case casts new charges”
– Toronto Star
I Would Have Said Logic…Or, Possibly Compassion…
“Is diversity our weakness?”
– Toronto Sun
When TV Reality Programming Gets Desperate
“A love connection for Maritime moose”
– Globe and Mail
There’s A Silver Lining Buried Deep In These Headlines…
“U.S. data points to slow jobs healing”
– Globe and Mail
“Spain’s unions brace for more job cuts”
– Globe and Mail
“Tofas to cut jobs, reduce shifts”
– Globe and Mail
“Vodafone eyes job cuts”
– Globe and Mail
“Bell cuts 90 jobs”
– Toronto Sun
“Citigroup cuts 100 staff on Long Island”
– Globe and Mail
“PULP AND PAPER
N.S. mill closing, 135 to lose jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Montreal takes brunt of Pfizer’s 300 job cuts”
– Toronto Star
“FINANCIAL SERVICES
National Bank cutting 300 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“EBay cutting 325 PayPal jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Sun Media to cut 500 positions
Quebecor will close printing plants in Kingston and Ottawa”
– Toronto Star
“Cookie factory to close
550 will lose jobs at Mr. Christie’s Bakery as owner eyes condos”
– Toronto Star
“Air France to cut up to 600 crew jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Honda to cut 800 jobs in England”
– Globe and Mail
“Morgan to cut 1,600 investment bankers”
– Globe and Mail
“CONSUMER PRODUCTS
Newell eliminating more than 1,900 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Barclays joining the cost-cutting crowd
Plans to eliminate as many as 2,000 investment banking jobs as part of overall restructuring”
– Globe and Mail
“CP Rail to cut 4,500 jobs by 2016”
– Toronto Star
“Renault to shed 7,500 workers”
– Globe and Mail
“UBS readies axe for 10,000 positions in radical overhaul”
– Globe and Mail
“Harper government axes more than 10,000 jobs”
– Toronto Star
“New Citi chief cuts 11,000 jobs
U.S. bank makes sweeping cost-cutting moves amid sluggish fortunes and tougher financial rules”
– Globe and Mail
“South African platinum miner says it will cut 14,000 jobs”
– Toronto Star
(Didn’t find it? HINT: It Affects Some Of The People Who Were Responsible For The Near Collapse Of The Financial System)
(Still Nothing? FINAL HINT: It Rhymes With “Old Testament Wankers”)
Has Hacker Corrupted The Naughty/Nice Lists?
“Santa brings rally for needy RIM investors”
– Toronto Star
Porcupines: The Balloon Fetishist’s Best Friend
“Volatility: The growth investor’s friend”
– Globe and Mail
Don’t Expect It To Give Us Back Our Youths, Though
“NHL owes fans more than an apology”
– Toronto Sun
Bet They’re Sorry They Opposed Government Funding Now
“And now a word from our sponsor…
Why CBC’s plan to put advertising on Radio 2 is rankling some competitors”
– Globe and Mail
More Like A Meteor Shower
“Economists predict bumpy road ahead for Canada in 2013
Next year probably won’t be ‘stellar,’ experts say
– Toronto Star
It’s Never Too Early To Teach Your Children The Guilt Involved With Not Keeping Them
“Resolutions aren’t just for adults”
– Globe and Mail
We Do It For The Presents
“Universal appeal
Memories of a Christmas past celebrated by non-Christians”
– Toronto Sun
It Wants To Date Your Widowed Mother!
“Shedding light on algae threat”
– Toronto Star
I’ll Bet The Labourers Aren’t As Impressed
“Cheap Labor for Carmakers Offers Hope for Spain”
– New York Times
That Was Quick
“TB drug may be ‘game changer'”
– Toronto Star Life section
“New TB drug wins approval
Will help battle drug-resistant forms of infectious disease”
– Business section of the same day’s Toronto Star
Because We’re So Cheery?
“It’s a dangerous world and an armed response is the only choice”
– Toronto Sun
“Beacon to the world
Canada a bright spot in an otherwise dark planet”
– Toronto Sun
Call That Living?
“Band members outlive solo acts”
– Toronto Star
Apparently, With Our Noses
“How to Read in 2013”
– New York Times
What Are The Odds Of A Correcsion?
“Older women more likely to believe pregnancy at risk
Skewed perception may boost c-cections, report says, but caregivers reduce anxiety”
– Toronto Star
The Irony Could Dismember A Horse
“Syria blames ‘terrorists’ for car bomb at Damascus gas station that killed 11”
– Globe and Mail
Yeah, But If We Don’t Let Our Husbands Watch It, They May Insist Upon Talking To Us
“Pro football can be hard on the brain”
– Globe and Mail
Janitorial Staff Says: “I Ain’t Cleaning THAT Up!”
“Shoplifter explodes in court”
– Toronto Star
Diabetics May Want To Take Insulin Before Reading
“Warning: Cute baby penguin story”
– Toronto Sun
Just One?
“Investment guru’s mental health questioned”
– Toronto Star
I’m Sure He Appreciates It, Too
“Mozart – still modern after all these years”
– Toronto Star
The Snake Never Needs Tums To Digest The Rat
“Sun Life’s possible Malaysian deal seen as ‘very digestible'”
– Globe and Mail