Let Them Duke It Out Over There
If Anybody Wants Me, I’ll Be Here Having A Cheeseburger
“FOOD FIGHT: FLAX VS. CHIA”
– Toronto Star
Retire Old Senate, Tankers Urge
“Retire old tankers, Senate urges”
– Globe and Mail
Nobody Argues With The Ultimate Human Resources Manager…
“‘God told me’ to resign, ex-pope says”
– Toronto Star
…Or The Ultimate Real Estate Salesman
“Nine steps to mortgage heaven”
– Toronto Star
Or, More Often, A Big Black Hole In The Centre Of Your Portfolio
Blame Einstein
“How to hit a home run by playing the expectations game
Stocks with few fans can often turn out to be pleasant surprises for those willing to bet against the crowd”
– Globe and Mail
I Haven’t Been The Bee Since Aunt Matilda Put The Hot Sauce All Over Uncle Andy’s – Ahem! Yes, Well…Some Family History Is Better Left Unrecounted – Let’s Just Say That That Zucchini Better Be Worth It!
“For more zucchinis, you may have to be the bee”
– Toronto Star
It’s Definitely Bull Somethingish
“Is rising bearishness on Wall St. bullish?”
– Globe and Mail
Unfortunate Choice Of Words, Example 237
“Nuke power blows ’em away”
– Toronto Sun
Maybe You’d Get A Date If Your Breath Didn’t Reek Of Weird Fruit
“Dining on nectarines, longing for a date”
– Toronto Star
Or Chinese…Or Russian…Or Flapdoodlistanian – Anything But English
“An encounter with cops had me wishing I spoke Portuguese”
– Globe and Mail
Actually, YOU Could If He Asked For More Public Resources To Help Him Live With His Autism
“HOW COULD ANYBODY HATE HIM?
Crown says letter’s not a hate crime”
– Toronto Sun
Just Ask Executive Suite Barbie (If You Can Find Her…)
“With so many variables, no wonder forecasting is tough”
– Globe and Mail
3. Who Gets To Clean The Hot Sauce Off Uncle Andy’s Ahem
“Five things to consider as we live longer”
– Toronto Star
So That They Can Avoid The Passionate Debate In New York?
“Fracking controversy ignites passionate debate in New York”
– Globe and Mail
“Fracking promoters must educate U.K. public”
– Globe and Mail
At Least, That’s His Excuse This Time
“Ford wants a ‘fight’
Pushes for byelection to replace ex-deputy mayor”
– Toronto Sun
When You’re Waging A War on Nouns, The Specifics Are Interchangeable
“How the war on drugs became a war on truth”
– Toronto Star
Flashing A Badge Would Probably Be More Effective…
“How to disarm a nasty co-worker: Flash a smile”
– Globe and Mail
Try To Make It Flow As Smoothly As Possible
“Start the conversation on menstruation early”
– Toronto Star
Don’t Politicians Make Bad Politicians?
“Do journalists make bad politicians?”
– Toronto Star
1. Take Advantage Of Casual Fridays To Come To Work Naked
2. Get High Fives From Your Coworkers As Security Escorts You Out Of The Building
3. Stop Fantasizing And Get Back To Your Boring And Uninspiring Job You Slacker!
“Three ways to boost your mojo
If you’re feeling bored and uninspired at work, here’s how to shake things up”
– Globe and Mail
Newspaper Gets Whack Sensibility
“Too many responsibilities? ‘Fuggedaboutit!’
– Toronto Sun
For People With Long Term Contracts, They’ll Only Use Paintball Guns
“With new chief, Rogers targets customers”
– Globe and Mail
New Of The World
“News rules of warfare leave physicians under fire, report finds”
– Toronto Star
In The Meantime, Plan Your Gall Stone Attacks At Least Two Years In Advance
“Liberals vow to cut surgical wait times”
– Toronto Star
Capitalism Is Hell
“Retailers warn of spreading ‘bloodbath’
Rona, Metro and Loblaw executives say struggles tied to foreign invasion won’t let up any time soon”
– Globe and Mail
I Especially Love The Cave Paintings Depicting A Man Putting Down His Spear And Accepting A Bill At A Boar Hunt
“This one’s on me
Age-old debate: Who pays?”
– Toronto Sun
When It Comes To Whiny, Self-interested Pleas For Understanding, The PQ Knows How To Play The Orson Scott Card
“PQ calls for ‘respectful debate’ on secular charter”
– Globe and Mail
It Just Goes To Show That Nobody Knows Nothing (And Some People Know Even Less)
“Unease greets WestJet’s hot quarter
Flying in face of record profits, airline’s shares tumble amid concerns of expansion, competition”
– Toronto Star
“Canaccord outperforms GMP but investors give no love”
– Globe and Mail
“Markets down despite U.S. job data”
– Toronto Star
“TSX rises despite U.S. data”
– Toronto Star
“HBC shares jump despite dividend cut”
– Globe and Mail
“The Dow soars to a record high as optimistic investors push markets past 2007 peak. Despite a weak economy, market players focus on surging corporate profits as they hope the run can ‘go a lot further'”
– Globe and Mail
“Netflix quarterly earnings soar, but share price plummets”
– Toronto Star
“Apple tops estimates but market uneasy”
– Toronto Star
“Google’s growth story remains unscathed
Despite Wall Street’s reaction to quarterly results, the tech giant is a good choice for investors with a long-term perspective”
– Globe and Mail
“A different view of a tech superstar
An analyst’s report urges caution about CGI’s high-flying shares. Most of Bay Street disagrees”
– Globe and Mail
“House sales slump 17% in March, but prices keep climbing”
– Toronto Star
“Bank earnings defy predictions
Scotiabank, BMO kick off earnings season beating profit estimates despite sluggish loan growth, weak margins”
– Toronto Star
“What’s unsettling the markets? Too much good news”
– Globe and Mail
If There Was A Good Story About The Tar Sands, Don’t You Think The Province Would Already Be Telling It?
“Hollywood vs. Alberta? It’s not a fair fight
If there’s a good story about the oil sands, the province needs to start telling it”
– Globe and Mail