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Headlines’ Slavish Devotion to Times New Roman Doomed to Go Unrequited

Just Sad Little Flesh Sacks In An Indifferent Universe


“Without a title and paycheque, who are we?”

Globe and Mail


Oh! Oh! Oh!
No! No! No!


“Can ‘La La Land’ Make the Musical Matter Again?”

New York Times


Elon Musk Was Never Likely To Become A Citizen…


“AI is the future, and Canada must seize it”

Globe and Mail


The Unknown Political Figures And Industry Leaders Are A Lot Harder To Watch


“Key players to watch in 2017
Look for notable political figures and industry leaders to make headlines in the coming year”

Toronto Star


Because Tame Seaweed Is No Fun


“Reviving the art of wild seaweed harvesting”

Globe and Mail


SPOILER ALERT: It Doesn’t End Well For One Of Them!


“When transport trucks and pedestrians meet in the 805”

Toronto Star


And, As Long As I’m Writing Headlines, He Won’t!


“To a year of doing things differently – or not
PM can make the case he accomplished things in 2016, but he has yet to make good on his promise to chase cynicism from politics”

Globe and Mail


They Certainly Keep Psychotherapists In Business!


“Strong, stable families are foundations for prosperity”

Toronto Sun


Only 12 Belonged To Actual People


“Yahoo says one billion accounts hacked in 2013”

Globe and Mail


They’re Valuable Ingredients In Chinese Aphrodisiacs


“In Africa, Rangers Are Also at Risk”

New York Times


The People Who Died Were Hoping They Would Be Killed In The President’s Drug War Bloodbath, Instead


“Typhoon spoils Philippine Christmas”

Toronto Star


Give Them Time…


“Americans upbeat in wake of election”

Globe and Mail


1963? Because In 2016, Hate Elected A President


“A year where hate was not tolerated”

Toronto Star


And, We’re Proud Of That?


“CANADA THRASHES LATVIA”

Globe and Mail


Why Should Hollywood Have All The Fun?


“ISIS app lets kids destroy Big Ben”

Toronto Sun


Having No Personal Life?


“What does it take to be a privacy professional?”

Globe and Mail


So, It Goes From 100% To…150%?


“Loss of child ‘just too much’ for parents
Research suggests that for some parents, especially mothers, the loss of a child dramatically increases their likelihood of dying”

Globe and Mail


And, If You Must, Always Get The Top Half
The Bottom Half Is Just Rude


“Never leave the job half done when hiring a top executive”

Globe and Mail


I Still Have More Than I Will Ever Be Able To Read, Thanks


“Take stock of your books for 2017”

Toronto Star


Not As Much Fun As It Sounds!


“Sex with student in graveyard!”

Toronto Sun


Wouldn’t Want Them To Mix In With The Peas


“City budget strains vulnerable citizens”

Toronto Star


Sure, If It’s The Boss’ Hat


“Just one hat can make all the difference”

Toronto Star


Make Thing One And Thing Two Interns So You Never Have To Pay Them


“Channel Dr. Seuss at the office”

Toronto Star


And, We’re Making Ancient Jokes About It


“The peasants in Canada are revolting, no question about it”

Toronto Sun


They’re Finally Getting To The Xit Part


“British PM’s easy ride on Brexit about to end”

Globe and Mail


Doesn’t Understand Why It Has Such A Bad Reputation


“Canada defends Spengler Cup title”

Toronto Star


It’s A Dirty Job, But Nobody’s Gotta Do It


“Big change awaits Twitter
Social media service cuts jobs amid big losses, criticism over handling of abusive users”

Toronto Star

“Potash Corp. cuts jobs amid surplus of product”


Globe and Mail

“Great-West Life co’s Putnam cutting jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Cymax cuts work force as losses mount”


Globe and Mail

“Wal-Mart is cutting back-office store jobs”


Toronto Star

“Lloyds to cut jobs in wake of Brexit”


Globe and Mail

“RBC cutting London investment jobs”


Globe and Mail

“‘Dream team’ led to ratings nightmare
Rogers confirms big shakeup with job cuts, return of MacLean”


Toronto Star

“Ralph Lauren shuts stores, cuts jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Mobile unit woes force job cuts at Microsoft
Still reeling from Nokia deal, tech company says it needs to focus on phone hardware”


Toronto Star

“Scotiabank sashes jobs in Canadian divisions”


Globe and Mail

“Chip Wilson’s luxury streetwear chain lays off 20 per cent of head-office staff”


Globe and Mail

“GMP cuts 14 jobs from Houston office”


Globe and Mail

“City of Brampton chops 25 managers, ‘key individuals’
Mayor says the change is ‘disruptive’ and ‘difficult,’ but it will reportedly save the city $2 million a year”


Toronto Star

“Torstar announces plans to lay off more than 50 staff”


Toronto Star

“Domtar cuts 100 jobs in North Carolina”


Globe and Mail

“Postmedia to close London print shop, cutting 139 jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Credit Suisse to cut 175 London Jobs”


Globe and Mail

“ENGINEERING
WSP has cut hundreds of Canadian jobs in 2016″


Globe and Mail

“Quebecor’s TVA Group to cut 220 jobs to slash costs”


Globe and Mail

“Laurentian eliminates 300 jobs in shakeup
Bank says 8-per-cent cutback of workforce will be done primarily through attrition”


Toronto Star

“CONOCOPHILLIPS TO CUT UP TO 300 JOBS IN CANADA”


National Post

“SeaWorld cuts 320 jobs to boost revenue”


Globe and Mail

“Mosaic cuts 330 jobs at Saskatchewan mine”


Globe and Mail

“Olymel cuts 340 jobs in Saint-Hyacinthe”


Globe and Mail

“Enbridge cuts 530 jobs amid slowdown”


Globe and Mail

“National Bank cuts 600 jobs in digital shift”


Toronto Star

“General Mills to cut up to 600 jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Major brewer set to lay off thousands in takeover”


Toronto Star

“Embraer to cut nearly 8% of work force through buyouts
Plane maker accepted the resignation of 1,463 employees – effective next week – out of 1,470 volunteers”


Globe and Mail

“BMO to lay off 1,850 as profit slips
Restructuring energy loans hurt second-quarter earnings”


Toronto Star

“Thomson Reuters to cut 2,000 jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Ericsson to cut 3,900 jobs in Sweden”


Globe and Mail

“Cisco Systems to cut 5,500 jobs in shift to software”


Globe and Mail

“ING plans to cut 7,000 jobs”


Globe and Mail

“Bombardier to cut another 7,500 jobs, 2,000 in Canada”


Toronto Star

“Commerzbank to cut nearly 10,000 jobs, halt dividend”


Globe and Mail

“Shell cuts total 12,500 over 2 years as prices stay low”


Toronto Star

“UniCredit, in overhaul, to raise $14-billion
Italian bank’s plan – including cutting 14,000 jobs – to test investor appetite for helping a troubled sector”


Globe and Mail

“Volkswagen to cut 30,000 jobs”


Toronto Star

“Ontario sheds 36,000 jobs in July”


Toronto Star


Show Us The Way, Oh Avatars Of Impartiality!


“Trump won, get over it”

Toronto Sun

“Obama crowns himself to a third term”


Toronto Sun


Only A Single Exclamation Mark? How Am I Supposed To Take You Seriously If You Only Use A Single Exclamation Mark?


“National tourism slogans are brilliant! Epic! Incredible!”

Globe and Mail


I Know What You’re Thinking, But Then Who Would Run Our Biggest Corporations?


Japan CEO quits over worker’s death
‘Karoshi’ – overwork – drove employee to suicide”

Toronto Sun


If Albertans Want To Eat Carbon, They’re On Their Own!


Jones: NDP must do a better job of making carbon plan more palatable for Albertans”

Globe and Mail


But Most Of Us Didn’t Live Through 1065, So We Can Be Forgiven For Thinking That It Was


“Not the ‘worst year ever'”

Toronto Star


I’m Still In The Market, So How Smart Can I Be?


“New Year’s quiz: Test your investing smarts”

Globe and Mail


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