Only People who Actually Exist Will Be Allowed To Vote?
“Voters will need to use ‘existential voting’ to save Britain with democracy”
– Globe and Mail
Wasn’t That A Law And Order Episode Back In The Nineties?
“A Shocker: Mom’s Doctor Was Sperm Donor”
– New York Times
Will Completely Support War Response…With Full-throated Cheering From Sidelines
“Britain joins U.S. in blaming Iran for Saudi oil attacks”
– Toronto Star
That’s What We Have Backbenchers For
“Scheer will not reopen abortion debate, Conservatives say”
– Globe and Mail
So, They’re Like Everything Else In Our Lives, Then
“Schools have changed – and not for the better”
– Toronto Sun
The Charter Guarantees A Canadian Citizen’s Right To Make Other People’s Children Sick – Who Knew?
“Removing vaccine exemption criticized as rights violation”
– Toronto Star
Beer And Hockey – All Else Is Ego
“Canadians know what really matters”
– Toronto Sun
She’s Planning To Book Passage On SpaceX Just To Be On The Safe Side
“Thunberg urges U.S. lawmakers to ‘unite behind the science'”
– Globe and Mail
Six Weeks Is Not Too Early To Teach A Child About Its Mortality
“Best gift for grandson is some life insurance”
– Toronto Star
Article Has The Odor Off Bad Headline Editing
“Renee sounds of on ‘sad’ plastic surgery rumours”
– Toronto Sun
If We Had A Subway Improvement For Every Study Of Subway Improvements, You Would Be Able To Travel To Tuktoyaktuk On A Single Presto Charge
“Yet another review of subway plans is a sham”
– Toronto Star
So…He Won’t Buy The Tour T-shirt?
“Trump was civil at G7, but he still isn’t a fan”
– Globe and Mail
Get It?
Heat Up?
Like The Oceans?
Now Do You Get It?
Heat U – Oh, Why Do We Even Bother TRYING To Be Clever?
“CLIMATE CHANGE FIGHT HEATS UP”
– Toronto Star
They Will Certainly Reinvigorate Hollywood Comedies
“Bidets might reduce need for flushable wipes”
– Toronto Star
Ageds’ Can Blame Their Lack Of Ambition For Increasing Poverty Levels
“Youths’ low labour-force participation might not be a bad thing”
– Globe and Mail
Loathe, Despise, Abhor, Disdain, Detest, Dislike, Feel Contempt For – That Enough Words For You?
“Hey Trump haters, let’s broaden our vocabulary”
– Toronto Star
Job Would Be Easier If He Were Still Wynne
“Ford must steer economy toward long period of prosperity”
– Toronto Sun
To Not Hurt Your Brain, Better To Abstain
“To rock the boat, you have to vote”
– Globe and Mail
Right After We Talk About Those Pictures Of Trudeau In Blackface
Check Back With Us In A Month
“As election starts, let’s place issues before drama”
– Toronto Sun
Don’t Kid Yourself – The LAST Cut Is The Deepest!
“Anti-smoking program killed by funding cut”
– Toronto Star
“Husky cuts long-term spending to boost cash flow”
– Globe and Mail
“Ford’s cuts hurt children”
– Toronto Star
“CIBC cuts forecast as mortgage lending drops”
– Globe and Mail
“Legal aid cuts threaten future of Parkdale clinic”
– Toronto Star
“AI RESEARCH
Cutting into the future”
– Toronto Star
“Former health ministers urge Tories to halt public-health cuts”
– Toronto Star
“PCs cut funding to children’s aid societies”
– Toronto Star
Stuff Them With Cake And Damn The Consequences?
“Paw patrol
If you’re concerned about signs of aging on your hands, try treating them like your face”
– Globe and Mail
Bring It Back To Urban Alleys Where It Belongs
“Pigeon bowling has no place at fall fairs”
– Toronto Star
What? They’re Small Enough They Don’t Have To Duck Under The Rotor Blades
“Helicopter parents aren’t making it easier for their children”
– Globe and Mail
The Children You’ve Protected From Vaping Will Be Sure To Thank You From Inside Their Iron Lungs
“Convenience stores could benefit from e-cig ban
Analysts say that traditional cigarettes may have comeback”
– Toronto Star
Aww, That’s So Adorable I Just Want To Pinch The Newspaper’s Cheeks!
“A sound economic plan for a better Canada, not attack ads, will win votes”
– Globe and Mail
Asked And Answered
“Can Scheer really balance the budget?”
– Toronto Star
“Scheer pledging same Harper-era tax credits”
– Toronto Star
Even The Dead Ones?
“We should judge all prime ministers by their present, not their past”
– Globe and Mail
We Prefer To Think Of Them As “Fun Facts”
“Meme spreads false facts”
– Toronto Sun
He Doesn’t Represent Me, But I Guess “Almost Everyman” Doesn’t Look Good In A Headline
“An Everyman looks to move from Stornaway to Sussex Drive
Cathal Kelly meets Andrew Scheer and his family for dinner. On the menu: football, family and teh first time he thought about being Prime Minister”
– Globe and Mail
If It Contained Any More Jargon, This Headline Could Be A Modern Dictionary!
“AS A NET EXPORTER OF AGRI-FOOD PRODUCTS, CANADA HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO SET ASPIRATIONAL GOALS AND ACHIEVE NEW LEVELS OF INNOVATION”
– Globe and Mail
He Thought Everybody Would Have A Good Laugh And Then Move On To Real Issues
“Canadians ‘had a right to see’ Trudeau photo
Vancouver man claims no political motive in sharing brownface photo”
– Toronto Star