Is There An Absurd Ironyometer In The House?
“Canada calls China obstructionist”
– Globe and Mail
Insist They Have No Idea Where It Went
“Anarchists say they sent letter bomb”
– Globe and Mail
Was Hoping For More Quarters, Fewer Dimes
“Clinton asks Burma for more change”
– Toronto Star
We Want To Give Doug Ford Every Chance To Improve His Behaviour, Premier Adds
“Expelling bullies a last resort, Ontario Premier says”
– Globe and Mail
Amnesty International According To A Writer Who Hates The Organization
“The World According to Amnesty International”
– National Post
But, It’s Not Futile, Right? As Long As It Isn’t Futile…
“Your resistance is unhelpful”
– Toronto Star
Why Is Raising Taxes Not An Option?
“YES OR NO
Fiscal austerity or financial ruin: Those are the choices in a Greek vote on the…bailout”
– Globe and Mail
But, He’s Still Not Following Republicans All The Way
“Obama takes the low road”
– National Post
The First Sign Of Narcissistic Dictator Syndrome: Nothing Is Your Fault
“As protests intensify, Putin blames meddling by the West”
– Globe and Mail
It’s Hard To Keep Your Position Straight When Budgetary Considerations Force You To Be Both Good AND Bad Cop
“Kent sends mixed messages on climate
Environment Minister shifts to more conciliatory tone, then says Durban talks shouldn’t be extended”
– Globe and Mail
Tuesday, January 20, 1981
“When did compassion become unaffordable?”
– Toronto Star
For Maximum Enjoyment, Do It In Front Of The Peasants
“Art? Private jet? What to do with excess cash”
– Globe and Mail
Florence Will Fit On The Counter Next To Your Fridge, But You May Have Trouble Finding Room For Palermo
“Rocco brings Italy to your kitchen”
– Toronto Star
Canadian Unions Persist In Delusion That They Still Exist
“GM to build Equinox in U.S.
Move worries CAW, whose members build same the vehicle in Ontario”
– Globe and Mail
WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE SALE, THEN?
“Fans shouldn’t worry
On-ice fortunes of Maple Leafs will remain the same”
– Globe and Mail
1. Dirty Drug-addled Freedom Hating Communist Bastards Can Never Get Organized
2. See Reason One
“Five reasons why Occupy failed”
– National Post
3. Plutocratic Self-interest Masquerading As Pseudo-psychology
“Why the Occupy movement is doomed: Human brains crave hierarchy
UTOPIAN FAILURE”
– National Post
And, The Operating System Is Sparkly
“‘New dawn’ breaks for Nokia with Windows”
– Toronto Star
Trans Will Have To Make Do With Their Lives In Canada
“TranCanada pours cold water on rivals’ plans to ship to Asia”
– Globe and Mail
Cause We’re Getting Tired Of The Lady Gag Mes
“The endless search for Lady Gaga of chardonnays”
– Toronto Star
Following Last Week’s Perilous Period But Before Next Week’s Hazardous Stage
“For Europe, a dangerous new phase”
– Globe and Mail
Even Morons Know That -50% is a SUPER BAD RETURN On Investments
“How can the kids SAVE?
Even children know that 0.05% is a VERY BAD RETURN on investments”
– National Post
Because Toronto Says So?
“Get over your Toronto complex, Canada.”
– Globe and Mail
However, Cure Isn’t As Much Fun Without Hootie
“New hangover cure getting buzz
Blowfish works quicker than a pill and can be taken the morning after”
– Toronto Star
Problem Creators Should Stick To The Financial Sector
“Clean Tech Investors Prefer Problem Solvers”
– New York Times
The Death Of His Wife Was Just A Bonus
“Daughters deserved to die, Shafia testifies”
– Globe and Mail
Given Recent Scandals In Both, That’s An Awfully Unfortunate Turn Of Phrase
“Religion and sports make uneasy bedfellows”
– Toronto Star
But Not Twisted Enough To Stop Buying Oil From
“Too twisted for a trial”
– National Post
Life Is Short, History Is Long-long
“For sale: Lost-lost tapes recorded after Kennedy’s assassination”
– Globe and Mail
For One Thing, The Best Parties Don’t Really Get Started Until One In The Morning
“Early retirement isn’t for everyone”
– Toronto Star
What Could Possibly Go Wrong…?
“Europe Casts Wary Eye At German Dominance”
– New York Times
Your Full Attention Is Required When People Throw Tomatoes At Your Head
“Today’s best strategy? Turn off the TV, stay in stocks”
– Globe and Mail
Okay, That’s Just Cruel
“RBC, BMO lead bankers’ push to cut jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“TOUR OPERATORS
Transat to shed 143 jobs in Canada”
– Globe and Mail
“Sun media sheds 400 jobs, union says”
– Globe and Mail
“Maple Leaf Foods closes plants, cuts 1,550 jobs”
– Toronto Star
“French car giant PSA to slash thousands of jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“NUCLEAR ENERGY
Areva to slash at least 2,700 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Citigroup to cut 4,500 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Appliance giant Whirlpool to cut 5,000 jobs to reduce costs”
– Globe and Mail
“Italy’s UniCredit faces crunch
Profit has all but evaporated, forcing bank to seek $10-billion in new issues, cut 5,000 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“UTILITY
EON job cuts to be as high as 11,000″
– Globe and Mail
“Nokia Siemens to cut 17,000 jobs worldwide by 2013”
– Toronto Star
“The vanishing workforce
54,000 jobs disappeared in Canada last month”
– Toronto Star
“18,600 jobs lost
Grim job numbers deepen concern
For second straight month the jobless rate increases”
– Toronto Star
“Factory employment hits a 35-year low as more plants close”
– Globe and Mail
“Executive recruiting picks up as confidence returns
Market is improving across the country, and across sectors, for managerial and C-suite positions”
– Globe and Mail
“Directors’ pay jumps 33% during downturn”
– Globe and Mail
They Always Were An Innovative Company
“RIM finds new ways to disappoint”
– Globe and Mail
If Her Letter Was Sent To Penthouse By Mistake
“Yes, Virginia, there is a Ho Ho Hump”
– Toronto Star
The Buddha Wears Prada
“The yin and yang of investing in clothing companies”
– Globe and Mail