You’re Putting On The Pounds Anyway, You May As Well Put Them To Good Use
“It’s hard to be jolly – but try”
– Toronto Star
Or, The Cheese You Watched
“Got a bad headache? Maybe it was the cheese you ate”
– Globe and Mail
Shouting “Expellarum!” No Defense
“Witchcraft case casts new charges”
– Toronto Star
Screw That – WHERE’S GRANDPA?
“Where are Grandpa’s dog tags?”
– Toronto Sun
How About Not Foreclosing On People’s Mortgages And Creating Them?
“Can Goldman Sachs help the homeless?”
– Globe and Mail
He Should Know: He Has A PhD In Goon Studies
“Cherry tells players: Smarten up!”
– Toronto Star
BY WHO? The Oil Industry?!
“Ottawa urged to referee provincial oil pipeline disputes”
– Globe and Mail
I’ll Bet He Didn’t Even Need To Use His Sonic Screwdriver
“Doctor Outsmarts a Computer”
– New York Times
You Didn’t Expect The Birth Rate To Climb…Did You?
“Death toll in Gaza rises amid airstrikes”
– Toronto Star
Are There Any Right Ones?
(Other Than Those Writing For Your Newspaper, I Mean)
“Islamists welcome Trudeau
Reaching out to wrong Muslims?”
– Toronto Sun
The Pages And Pages We Devoted To Hyping It Appear To Have Been Wasted
“Markets shrugged: investors unfazed by Carney’s move”
– Globe and Mail
Agenda + Sorry?
“FORD MORE YEARS!
Mayor says he needs another term in office to complete his agendary”
– Toronto Sun
A 3-D Animated Version Of Cloud Atlas Would Give Us The Best Of Both Worlds
“Adapt or die
Thanks to a slew of challenging new movies, the myth of the unfilmable novel has finally been debunked. Why are filmmakers taking bolder chances with difficult source material?”
– Toronto Star
“WHY CARTOONS AND SUPERHEROES CAN’T SAVE THE MOVIES”
– Globe and Mail
By His Subconscious, Maybe
“FORD RECALL
LOOKING BACK ON THE VOTE THAT BROUGHT DOWN THE MAYOR
WAS HE SET UP FOR A FALL?”
– Toronto Sun
I Think You Need To Work On Your Reality-Tense Agreement…
“Money is destroying hockey”
– Toronto Star
Probably Shouldn’t Have Had The Second Helping Of Atomic Chili
“New Yorkers still passing on gas”
– Toronto Sun
You Mean, We Went Through All That Angst, AND IT ISN’T EVEN OVER YET?!
“Nexen deal needs U. S. nod”
– Toronto Star
In Irony, Timing Is Everything
“Toronto city council scraps plastic ban”
– Globe and Mail
“High level of plastics found in Great lakes”
– Toronto Star
No, It’s Margaret Wente Poking Liberals With A Stick (Again)
If It Was Really Unsayable, Her Column Would Read: “Unggh Urrg Blurgle Flurg!”
“COMMENT
MARGARET WENTE SAYING THE UNSAYABLE:
EQUALITY SHOULDN’T TRUMP EXCELLENCE”
– Globe and Mail
Okay, The Word Has Officially Lost All Meaning
“War over yoga pants”
– Toronto Sun
You Cannot Expect Governments To Support Your Business If You Name It After A Death Spell
That’s Just Common Sense, Really
“Nexen, Petronas linger below bids as Ottawa mulls proposals”
– Globe and Mail
Canadians See Red Over American Reference
“Grey Cup, greenbacks
Fans of the Double Blue help put retailers in the black”
– Toronto Sun
Will Clear Up Your Complexion AND Makes A Great Lard For Pies!
“Propane: Not just for barbecues anymore”
– Toronto Star
Before They Eat It
“Get those pigs off the porch”
– Toronto Sun
Welcome To The Sixth Century, Where News Is What You Can Divine Of The Future
“Ruling may have major impact on close vote”
– Toronto Star
“New drug could limit damage from stroke”
– Toronto Star
“How chips may fall in EU-Greece poker game”
– Globe and Mail
“What Monday could bring for the mayor”
– Globe and Mail
“Ottawa’s veto of Malaysian gas deal may hurt markets”
– Toronto Star
“Obama-Romney joust could be tie-breaker”
– Toronto Star
“Black arm bands at school may fuel children’s fears”
– Globe and Mail
“Economic slump may be ending”
– Toronto Star
“Sandy storms ashore
Washington As the nation looks for leadership a week before the vote, it could make or break Barack Obama, writes Konrad Yakabuski”
– Globe and Mail
“Former Nestle Canada CEO may face price-fixing charge ‘shortly'”
– Globe and Mail
“Ouster of CEO boosts Yahoo shares
Management change could result in sale of troubled Web portal”
– Toronto Star
Of Course, If Smog Levels Continue To Increase, You Won’t Be Able To See Much…
“Worldwide pollution levels on the rise”
– Metro
“Looking beyond Kyoto”
– Metro
Speak For Yourself!
It…It Was Better Dressed Than I Am…
“In the Ikea monkey, we see ourselves”
– Toronto Star
Day 84?
“NHL LOCKOUT DAY 83 WHAT’S NEXT?”
– Globe and Mail
Wasn’t That Four Years Ago? Nation Asks Obama
“It’s time to change, Obama tells nation”
– Toronto Star
I’m Looking At A Honda
Because You Can’t Beat That German Engineering!
“Who could replace Ford?
Some staunch conservatives are searching for a new centre-right standard bearer”
– Toronto Sun
Lead Us Not Unto Margaret Wente
“Consumerism is good for the soul
Ignore the joyless puritans who insist how rotten and corrupt we are. When we embraced wealth, we embraced abundance”
– Globe and Mail
Rhymes Mean Good Times
“Grimes confirms engagement”
– Toronto Sun
“Rimes denies laxative addiction”
– Toronto Sun, a bit further down the page