Trump Only Listens If He’s Talking
“Trudeau only listens if you agree with him”
– Toronto Sun
What About The “You Smelled It, You Foretelled It” Rule?
“Debate over when the smell started”
– Toronto Star
The Premier Likes Bad Physical Comedy?
“Using hammer to kill flies
Why Doug Ford had no choice with notwithstanding clause”
– Toronto Sun
Ceci N’est Pas Un Tariff
“U.S. targets pipe imports in latest trade action”
– Globe and Mail
Easy For You To Say – You LIKE Hormones In Your Breakfast Cereal!
“No use crying over spilt NAFTA milk”
– Toronto Sun
How Is That Possible? Doesn’t His Brain Take Blood Away From His Legs?
“He Excels At Running And Thinks A Lot, Too”
– The New York Times
The Typographical Error Was Theirs
The Error In Choice Of Reading Material Is Yours
“Florence fallout
Catastrohpic flooding across the Carolina”
– Toronto Sun
Have You Even Met Modern Politics?
“MPPs need to stand on principle, not party line”
– Toronto Star
Confused Premier Mutters That Some People Are So Ungrateful It’s Not Even Worth Going Backwards In Time To Please Them!
“Parents plan to challenge Tories’ sex-ed rollback”
– Globe and Mail
Find It In Baby Boom
“Millennials search for good life”
– Toronto Star
Thanks For Your Concern For Our Blood Pressure
“Chill out, it’s only Trump being Trump
– Toronto Sun
“Ford is not Trump. Ontario’s opposition would be wise to lower the outrage”
– Globe and Mail
Please Pardon Our Omssion
“Investor test case in VW emssions scandal heads to court”
– Toronto Star
We Learned That The Market Had No Connection To The Real Economy Long Ago
“What we learned this week is that U.S. stocks are still in a bull market”
– Globe and Mail
When You Cut Proofreaders, You’re Adept To Publish Strange Grammatical Errors
“My weird family is my secret strength
An unpredictable childhood can make you apt at handling change”
– Toronto Star
But Men Think That Stuff Is Gross, So We’re Going To Talk About Football For The Rest Of The Article
“We surveyed nearly 1,000 women about their vaginas”
– Toronto Star
Despicable Him
“SUSPECT IN POISONING OF EX-SPY IS A GRU COLONEL, BRITISH INVESTIGATIVE GROUP SAYS”
– Globe and Mail
And It Will Make It So Much Easier To Hide Nefarious Activity!
Umm…Did We Write That Headline Out Loud?
“Wall Street’s 30 Days of Hell: No sleep, no meals, no family
Reporting earnings twice a year, not quarterly, will help with worker’s crunch time”
– Toronto Star
You See What We’re Saying? We Can’t Even Afford Enough Letters To Spell Words Properly!
“More taxes, less innovation
Entrepreneurs just need gov’t to get out of the way”
– Toronto Sun
Profession Blames Its Mother
“Psychiatrist shortage analyzed”
– Toronto Star
President Trump Demands Funding For Sea Wall To Stop Obvious, Imminent Threat
Congress Scratching Its Head, Unsure What To Do
“Swimmer killed by shark
First fatal attack in Massachusetts in 80 years”
– Toronto Sun
Does It Work On Six Year Olds?
“How to lure dog to bath with smart use of treats”
– Toronto Star
I Are Confused
“You are what you don’t eat”
– Globe and Mail
Action Like Dropping Murder Rates – How Dare They‽
“Handgun bans are all about dramatic, showy action”
– Toronto Sun
Fortunately We Have A Solution
If You’ve Been Paying Attention, You Should Know What It Is…
Okay, A Hint: It Rhymes With Showering Shaxes…
“Declining business investment threatens economy, C. D. Howe, Fraser Institute say”
– Globe and Mail
It’s A Good Thing The Economy Is Doing So Well, Or This Would Be Worrisome
“Vice, Rogers go separate ways
Jobs will be cut in Canada as Viceland future in doubt”
– Toronto Star
“Boeing forecasts rising profit, sees end to job cuts”
– Globe and Mail
“CSX sticks with plan to cut jobs, trains”
– Globe and Mail
“GMP Capital cuts staff amid slowing energy financings”
– Globe and Mail
“Rogers cuts one-third of content team”
– Toronto Star
“Barrick Gold cuts jobs and offices”
– Toronto Star
“Torstar cuts 21 staff at StarMetro in Toronto”
– Toronto Star
“CITING U.S. TARIFFS, LUXEMBOURG-BASED TENARIS LAYS OFF 40 WORKERS IN ONTARIO”
– Globe and Mail
“Vox cuts 50 employees as media rattled by changes to Facebook’s News Feed
– Globe and Mail
“Global News cuts nearly 80 jobs in move to boost online coverage”
– Globe and Mail
“Campbell Soup shuts Toronto factory
About 380 jobs will be lost, production shifts to U.S.”
– Toronto Star
“Driverless trucks to result in 400 oil sands job cuts: Suncor”
– Globe and Mail
“Additional 452 jobs to be cut ay collapsed Carillion”
– Globe and Mail
“General Mills to cut 625 jobs”
– Toronto Star
“Manulife cuts 700 jobs in push for digital customer service”
– Toronto Star
“Tesla hits pivotal moment with job cuts
CEO Elon Musk will dismiss more than 3,000 employees”
– Globe and Mail
“Rolls-Royce to cut 4,600 jobs
Boeing, Airbus engine supplier facing investor pressure to boost returns”
– Toronto Star
“Makers of Kleenex, Huggies plan to cut 5,000 jobs”
– Toronto Star
“Deutsche Bank may cut 10,000 jobs”
– Toronto Star
Ignore The Nazi Standing Next To Him – They’re Not Dating, Or Anything, They’re Just Good Friends
“Crying racism par for Liberal course
PM calls out Conservative leader on immigration”
– Toronto Sun
Like Cooperation And Compassion?
“Higher tax rates tend to work only if you disregard human behaviour”
– Globe and Mail
On The Plus Side: His Ability To Inflict Damage On The City Is That Much Less
“Georgio Mammoliti tops list of missed votes at city council”
– Toronto Star
Technology Giveth And Technology Taketh Away
“SEX AND THE SMARTPHONE
With sexting on the rise, parents and educators are grappling with how best to protect teens: preach abstinence, or teach them how to be safe?”
– Globe and Mail
“How AI is helping teens learn about their health
App developers are creating tools to answer questions, and offer resources and support”
– Globe and Mail
But, Now That You’ve Put The Idea Into My Head…
“You Don’t Need A Helicopter To Feel Alive”
– New York Times