Is This A Trick ?
“‘The question is: Why would we ever go to a grocery store again?'”
– Toronto Star
I Have No Idea – It’s In A Foreign Language
“What are people reading in Paris?”
– Globe and Mail
It Depends Upon How Much Of His Winnings He’s Willing To Contribute To The Daily Household Expenses
“My 14-year-old is good at poker. Is that a bad thing?”
– Toronto Star
What Odds Does Your 14 Year-old Give The Marriage Lasting More Than A Year?
“I’ve been married twice. Is a third time wise?”
– Toronto Star
How Soon Is Hospitalization?
Wasn’t That A Smith’s Song?
“Coronavirus: How fast and how deadly?”
– Toronto Sun
Are You Sure You Want To Do That?
Drunken Rage Is Much More Effective (Not To Mention Satisfying) When Delivered In Person
“Is posting a ‘divorce notice’ online OK?”
– Toronto Star
As Long As You Keep Them Home For The Rest Of Their Lives
But, Uhh, That Would Create Other Issues…
“Physical distancing has made my kids more active
Can this new ‘normal’ have a positive impact on their health?”
– Toronto Star
Absolutely! Well…Except For The Whole Humans Living With Dinosaurs Thing
“Did the Flintstones have it right?”
– Globe and Mail
Try To Convince Them To Think Of It As Two Weeks Of Social Distancing Practice
“Are vacations without kids making them insecure?”
– Toronto Star
I Can’t Imagine…
“Will this pandemic make the unthinkable a reality?”
– Globe and Mail
His Dominatrix?
“The objective’s to beat Trump, but who can?”
– Toronto Star
Capitalism
“I don’t get paid for overtime, so why do I get ‘charged’ when I work less than full time?”
– Globe and Mail
Look At How Confused You Are About What You Already Think You Know…
“There’s still so much they’re not telling us. Why?”
– Toronto Star
They’re Just Young Men Looking For An Alfred E. Pneumatic Experience
“Spring break boneheads
Pandemic partiers: ‘What, us worry?'”
– Toronto Sun
Unlikely, Considering The Gap Is Closed Because It Is Not An Essential Service
“B.C. offers $1,000 cheques, but will it bridge the gap?”
– Toronto Star
If This Was A Zombie Apocalypse, Would The Issue Of People’s Backyards Even Be A Question?
“How will cities come back, and will neighbours keep saying ‘not in my backyard’?
– Globe and Mail
To Please Their Alien Overlords?
“Why on Earth would the Ontario government do this?”
– Toronto Star
Stop Telling People That It’s A Hoax
Or, That It’s No Worse Than Regular Flu
Or, That Everything Will Be Fine By Friday
Or…
“Taking on the virus a marathon – not a sprint
How can we help others?”
– Toronto Sun
They Won’t Be Loved Ones For Very Long…
“Working from home with a roommate or loved one?”
– Toronto Star
You Suddenly Wear A Tacky Jacket And Start Treating Complete Strangers In Bars Like Your Best Friend
“What exactly happens when you hit ‘Sport’ mode?”
– Toronto Sun
It’s Hard To Throw Up On Your Friend’s Virtual Bingo Card, But We All Have To Make Sacrifices, I Guess…
“There’s virtually a whole world of ways to have fun
How about enjoying a virtual cocktail hour or game of quarantine bingo with friends?”
– Toronto Star
Gone To Flowers, Every One
“What happens to cinemas in a streaming world?”
– Globe and Mail
At Infinity
“Where do the federal parties meet on politics and pipelines?
– Toronto Star
Gone To Flowers, Every O – Where Have I Heard That Before?
“Faith: Preachers say they have been weighing age-old question – where is God in all of this?”
– Globe and Mail
Only If He Actually Did
Otherwise, It Would Just Be Tacky
“Should I tell my friend her husband hit on me?”
– Toronto Star
Well, Soaking The Poor HAS Offered Quickly Diminishing Returns…
“Should We Soak the Rich?”
– New York Times
It Can Afford The Best Running Shoes…
“Can money get out fast enough?”
– Toronto Star
If It’s Any Indication, Dolphins Figure It Will Be Their Time To Rule Earth Shortly
“THE AUDACITY OF ALTRUISM
More than at any point in recent history, humanity faces an important and lasting decision: Will our priorities be determined by a desire to help the vulnerable, or an exclusionary fear?”
– Globe and Mail
Most Tree Branches Won’t Give You Much Of A Workout
“Let’s go out on a limb: Can we go for a walk?”
– Toronto Star