Pfft – You Kill A Few Jews And You’re Labelled For The Rest Of History – So Unfair!
“Hitler did some good things.”
– Donald Trump
“Admittedly, I Have Never Been Very Good At Reading People…”
“I don’t know any Trump supporter who would have done what the rioters did.”
– Senator Ron Johnson
He Really Nailed What We Are All Looking Forward To
“We will get back to crowding into 20,000-person arenas with people yelling and screaming, and not wearing masks and sitting on top of each other, spilling beer on each other’s laps.”
– infectious disease specialist Isaac Bogoch about the eventual return of professional sports
If You Donate To Republicans, They Will Just Use The Money To Run Their Election Campaigns, AND HOW WILL THAT HELP ME?
“There’s only one way to contribute to our efforts to elect America First Republican conservatives, and that’s through Save America PAC and DonaldTrump.com.”
– former President Donald Trump
“I Didn’t Stop Anybody From Maiming Police Officers, But, You Know, They Aren’t Anywhere Near As Tasty…”
“I sang a song. And, that’s a part of shamanism. It’s about creating positive vibrations in a sacred chamber…(and) I actually stopped somebody from stealing muffins.”
– Jacob Chansley, the so-called Q-Anon shaman
As Usual, God Offered No Comment (But He Did Roll His Eyes Very Expressively)
“The government is never going to know what weapons I own. Let me be clear about that. It’s not gonna happen. We have a god-given right to defend our families, defend our state, and defend ourselves against tyranny, and we will do that.”
– Texas Republican Representative Chip Roy
“…Who Hate Blacks And Jews – And Only Minorly Tolerate Women – And Are Not Averse To Using Violence To Get Our Message Across. What Could Be More Patriotic Than That?”
“The truth is, we were never terrorists or a white supremacy group. We are just regular patriotic Canadians.”
– from a statement explaining the dissolution of Proud Boys Canada
When They Heard They Were Finally Getting The COVID Vaccine, People In Developing Nations Exalted
“The multibillionaire, often described as the ‘global health czar,’ has achieved exulted, almost revered status for giving away tens of billions of his fortune in a seemingly selfless effort to help the world.”
– Toronto Star column on Bill Gates
People Who Live On Glass Beaches…
“Hypocrites. Complete and utter hypocrites. And don’t forget @MayorAdler who took a private jet with eight people to Cabo and WHILE IN CABO recorded a video telling Austinites to ‘stay home if you can…this is not the time to relax,'”
– Senator Ted Cruz calling out Austin Mayor Steve Adler for going to Mexico during the pandemic
He “should go back to the beach.”
– Senator Ted Cruz calls out then-New Jersey Governor Chris Christie about the time he went to a closed beach with his family in the midst of a state government shut down
It Would Be Much Better To Entrust The Future Of Social Media To Newspaper Columnists
“That social media is often a social ill is not in doubt. What is in doubt is whether remedying these ills should be entrusted to the state…”
– Globe and Mail columnist Andrew Coyne
Too Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing…
“At the time, they thought they were doing the right thing… From my knowledge of it, the residential school system was designed to take Indigenous children and give them the kind of skills and abilities they would need to fit into society as it moves forward.”
– Manitoba Indigenous Reconciliation and Northern Affairs Minister Alan Lagimodiere
…Fortunately, Education Is Available To Lessen The Threat Level
“Today, I would like to offer my sincerest apologies to all Indigenous Manitobans and Canadians whom I offended greatly with my remarks yesterday. I want to acknowledge the words I used to respond to a question about residential schools during my first scrum as a new minister in this very important portfolio were wrong, and I genuinely and sincerely ask for your forgiveness.”
– Manitoba Indigenous Reconciliation and Northern Affairs Minister Alan Lagimodiere, the next day
He’s A Politician Who Really Knows How To Serve His Constituents…Up On A Platter
“I don’t care how many tickets they give me. We can wallpaper our walls with tickets. We must regain our freedom. No more lockdowns.”
– Independent (because no party wants him) Ontario MPP Randy Hillier to a crowd of anti-rationality protesters in Chatham
Health Advice That’ll Have You Up On The Dance Floor
“Girl you look good once you vax that thang up
You a handsome young brother once you vax that thang up
Dating in real life, you need to vax that thang up”
– lyric from a 1999 hit rapper Juvenile rewrote to reflect current social reality
Some People Just Can’t Accept That Everybody Celebrates Colonization In Their Own Way
“Vandalism at the legislature and the burning of places of worship in provinces across Canada are criminal acts contrary to reconciliation.”
– letter from the eight Conservative MPs from Manitoba which, in addition to conflating separate activities, urges the province to restore statues of Queen Elizabeth and Queen Victoria brought down on Canada Day
For Sure
The Last Time I Got My Health Card Renewed, I Was Grabbed By My Hair And Thrown To The Ground
And I’ll Never Forget Being Pepper Sprayed When I Went For My Driving Test
“These are public servants, very compassionate and professional people just trying to do their jobs.”
– Toronto Mayor John Tory
Political Insanity In Two Easy Steps:
1. Tell Your Supporters Not To Follow Health Safety Guidelines
2. Claim The Health Safety Guidelines Don’t Work When They Listen To You
Repeat Until Your Party Wins A Majority Or A Majority Of Your Supporters Die
“It is becoming increasingly evident that we are not able to contain the virus by a strategy of severe lockdowns, yet the physical, psychological and sociological consequences to the young and old are crippling in nature.”
– Conservative MP David Sweet
It Will Be A Glorious Library The Size Of A Neighbourhood Book Exchange Kiosk
“His museum will have the same spirit as the private Nixon library’s museum. His tweets could be used as the banners for various galleries in the museum. It’ll be a centre of Trumpism.”
– Timothy Naftali, NYU presidential scholar, on a possible Donald Trump library