1) What happened?
2) That’s it?
3) That’s going to make for a short file, isn’t it?
4) Is there any other evidence that they are terrorists?
5) That wasn’t a big clue?
6) Still, three tons of ammonium nitrate – that’s three times what the Oklahoma bomber used! It’s a good thing the 17 were arrested before they used it to make a bomb! Isn’t it?
7) Oh, uhh, I…I read it somewhere. Is that a problem?
8) According to Rosie DiManno, Canadians should “be sickened, be frightened, but don’t you dare be shocked.” What’s that about?
9) Has anybody actually expressed shock?
10) According to Margaret Wente, the breaking of a few windows of a mosque is unimportant compared to the fact that we arrested some real, home grown, honest to gosh terrorists! What’s that about?
11) Would it be churlish of me to point out that those who vandalized the mosque are the only people in this affair to date who have actually been violent?
12) Hey! Aren’t DiManno and Wente presuming the guilt of those arrested?
13) Is there an upside to the arrests?
14) What will happen if the people arrested are found guilty?
15) What will happen if the people arrested are not found guilty?
16) Ain’t that the truth?
The RCMP arrested 12 men and 5 boys whom they suspect of being terrorists. Three tons of ammonium nitrate (in easy to transport bags of manure) and some mechanical devices which may have been modified to detonate a home made bomb were found among one of their possessions.
Sorry. Anything else is rumour, from an anonymous source which cannot be verified or inflammatory rhetoric.
3) That’s going to make for a short file, isn’t it?
Well, uhh, I hadn’t really thought of tha – but, you know, journalism works better if it sticks to the verifiable facts…yeah, that’s it, boring, verifiable facts…boring, short, verifiable – oh, hell, bring on the rumours, anonymous sources and inflammatory rhetoric!
4) Is there any other evidence that they are terrorists?
Well, one did write in his high school yearbook: “HOPES TO BE: martyr to the cause of Islamic freedom. EXPECTS TO BE: greeter at a Wal-Mart.”
The yearbook editors thought he was being ironic.
6) Still, three tons of ammonium nitrate – that’s three times what the Oklahoma bomber used! It’s a good thing the 17 were arrested before they used it to make a bomb! Isn’t it?
Actually, the RCMP intercepted the ammonium nitrate before the alleged terrorists received it, so there was never any danger that they would make a bomb out of it. In fact, the role of the RCMP in the whole affair is, at the time of this writing, unclear. It is possible that they sold those bad boys the ammonium nitrate, an instance of entrapment which would turn the whole case into manure.
Oh, and by the way, where did you get the whole Oklahoma bomber comparison?
7) Oh, uhh, I…I read it somewhere. Is that a problem?
Not at all. It does suggest, though, that the police officers who arranged the arrests have a bright future ahead of them…stage managing Broadway musicals.
8) According to Rosie DiManno, Canadians should “be sickened, be frightened, but don’t you dare be shocked.” What’s that about?
Rosie has always secretly wanted to be Ellie Tesher. It could have been worse, though. She could have told people to be bitter and resigned, but not heartfelt. Or, she could have suggested we be disorganized and phlegmatic, but not otiose. Personally, I’m planning on being disruptive and shaken, but not stirred. I hope that meets with Rosie’s approval. Otherwise, I might have to be tabled and chaired, but not floored. Never floored.
9) Has anybody actually expressed shock?
Not to my knowledge. A couple of car restorers were talking about replacing shocks, but they weren’t Muslims, so that’s a whole other can of radioactive worms.
Margaret “Sanity Came And” Wente has had a thing against windows ever since her mother took her to a church with a stained glass window depicting the passion of the Christ. Her dismissal of the attack on the mosque certainly isn’t racism, even though it is possible to want all Canadians to be safe from terrorism at the same time as wanting minorities to be safe from racism. Nope. It’s the stained glass window – those things can scar you for life.
11) Would it be churlish of me to point out that those who vandalized the mosque are the only people in this affair to date who have actually been violent?
Churl away, but be aware that Fox News’ new slogan is “We churl, you hurl.”
12) Hey! Aren’t DiManno and Wente presuming the guilt of those arrested?
Sure sounds like it. What’s that about?
13) Is there an upside to the arrests?
We’ve been noticed by countries around the world. Why, CNN spelled Toronot correctly. Well, almost. Being world class is a heavy burden, but Toronot is big enough to handle it.
14) What will happen if the people arrested are found guilty?
Stephen Harper will win his majority government, relations with the United States will improve, relations with Canadian Muslims will deteriorate and our security services will be able to sleep at night knowing that they did an excellent job protecting Canadians.
15) What will happen if the people arrested are not found guilty?
Stephen Harper will win his majority government, relations with the United States will improve, relations with Canadian Muslims will deteriorate and our attention will be diverted by a new initiative in Parliament against gay marriage.
No, it’s rumours, anonymously sourced information which cannot be verified and inflammatory rhetoric. If you’re not going to pay attention, I won’t bother unanswering question for you!