1) Former President Trump travelling for his arraignment was all over the news. The motorcade leaving Mar-a-Lago and heading down the highway to the airport in Florida. Boarding the plane. The plane taking off. The plane landing in New York. The motorcade to Trump Towers. Did you see it?
2) You have a point. Why were the networks so obsessed with Trump’s travel?
3) When he arrived at the courthouse, was Trump handcuffed?
4) Was he perp walked into the courtroom?
5) Did he have his mugshot taken?
6) Was he ordered to be held in custody without bail until the trial started?
7) Was the video of his cell mysteriously turned off and his body subsequently found hanging from the bars of the window with his hands tied behind his back?
8) Why did none of these things happen?
9) Outside the courthouse, Trump lawyer Joe Tacopina defended an image that appeared to show Trump threatening New York DA Alvin Bragg with a baseball bat. How well did that go?
10) People protesting the charges in the crowd outside the courthouse shouted things like “What about Hunter Biden?” and “There are only two genders!” Why would they do that?
11) Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene showed up at a protest, but left after ten minutes because she was being drowned out by whistles. “You send your henchmen down here to commit assault against people by making loud noises,” she complained. Did she have a point?
12) What? Did I hear that correctly?
13) Wouldn’t it be more honest to admit that Greene left because she had been greeted with shouts of “Go back to Georgia!” (and worse) by counter-protesters?
14) Why was Republican Representative George Santos in New York?
15) Is that true?
16) Did one of the pro-Trump protesters appear with a noose?
17) Who said of Trump in court: “He looks sad…that is a granddad having a very bad day?”
18) Van Who?
19) At the arraignment the judge issued a stern warning to participants in the trial to refrain from comments that “jeopardize the safety or well-being of any individuals.” Has Donald Trump abided by that warning?
20) What does the judge’s wife have to do with it?
21) According to Trump lawyer Susan Necheles: “He’s not going after the judge. He has commented that he thought there were some issues that may cause a conflict. That’s not going after the judge. He is not threatening the judge. He is not going after the judge.” How credible is that?
22) Trump was arraigned on 34 felony counts. Not misdemeanours. Felonies. What are the most serious charges?
1) Former President Trump travelling for his arraignment was all over the news. The motorcade leaving Mar-a-Lago and heading down the highway to the airport in Florida. Boarding the plane. The plane taking off. The plane landing in New York. The motorcade to Trump Towers. Did you see it?
Sorry. I was watching paint dry. It had better production values and a more involving plot.
2) You have a point. Why were the networks so obsessed with Trump’s travel?
They were trying to recapture the magic of OJ.
3) When he arrived at the courthouse, was Trump handcuffed?
No.
4) Was he perp walked into the courtroom?
No.
5) Did he have his mugshot taken?
No.
6) Was he ordered to be held in custody without bail until the trial started?
No.
7) Was the video of his cell mysteriously turned off and his body subsequently found hanging from the bars of the window with his hands tied behind his back?
No.
8) Why did none of these things happen?
Equal justice under the law, baby. Equal justice under the law.
9) Outside the courthouse, Trump lawyer Joe Tacopina defended an image that appeared to show Trump threatening New York DA Alvin Bragg with a baseball bat. How well did that go?
About as well as an elephant threading a needle. Tacopina argued that Trump wasn’t swinging a baseball bat at DA Alvin Bragg’s head – he was showing off a family heirloom. Not only that, but the image of the DA sidled up to the picture of Trump innocently holding the baseball bat – the DA’s photo was obviously stalking Trump’s photo. But will you hear anything about that in the biased liberal media? Would a rhinoceros be better at threading a needle?
10) People protesting the charges in the crowd outside the courthouse shouted things like “What about Hunter Biden?” and “There are only two genders!” Why would they do that?
In the wild, Republicanus Deplorabilis, the common garden-variety Republican, has unique mating calls.
11) Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene showed up at a protest, but left after ten minutes because she was being drowned out by whistles. “You send your henchmen down here to commit assault against people by making loud noises,” she complained. Did she have a point?
No. There was less noise there than in any crowded New York bar on a Saturday night. Besides, the whistles had actually been distributed by Trump supporters to silence Democrats.
12) What? Did I hear that correctly?
Exactly.
13) Wouldn’t it be more honest to admit that Greene left because she had been greeted with shouts of “Go back to Georgia!” (and worse) by counter-protesters?
Did you just use the terms “honest” and “Greene” in the same sentence? I guess there’s a first for everything.
14) Why was Republican Representative George Santos in New York?
To remind his constituents of the great job he had done defending the Rosenbergs.
Of course not. Santos wouldn’t be caught dead talking to his constituents.
16) Did one of the pro-Trump protesters appear with a noose?
Indeed, he did. The noose was affixed to the bottom of a poster which read:
“What you need to deal with the liberal biased news media
A tree
A rope
A horse or chair
A liberal news reporter
Some assembly required ———>” [noose]
The noose was not very big, suggesting that the man had a poor understanding of basic human anatomy. Either that, or he was planning to hang reporters by the wrist. If it meant they had to listen to him talk about the conspiracy led by George Soros to railroad Donald Trump with fake charges, death would have been a mercy.
17) Who said of Trump in court: “He looks sad…that is a granddad having a very bad day?”
Van Jones.
See the answer to question 12.
19) At the arraignment the judge issued a stern warning to participants in the trial to refrain from comments that “jeopardize the safety or well-being of any individuals.” Has Donald Trump abided by that warning?
Have you met Donald Trump? He’s a walking plea for a gag order! To celebrate his arraignment, he went back to Mar-A-Lago and gave a speech in which he said he had a “Trump-hating judge with a Trump-hating wife.”
20) What does the judge’s wife have to do with it?
She works for Kamala Harris. Therefore the entire judicial system is corrupt. For Trump, you either go big or go directly to jail. Do not pass wind. Do not collect $200 million.
21) According to Trump lawyer Susan Necheles: “He’s not going after the judge. He has commented that he thought there were some issues that may cause a conflict. That’s not going after the judge. He is not threatening the judge. He is not going after the judge.” How credible is that?
It’s good for a laugh. If the judge or any member of his family are killed by Trump fanatics, they can always use the quote on their tombstones.
22) Trump was arraigned on 34 felony counts. Not misdemeanours. Felonies. What are the most serious charges?
Umm…something about paying off a porn star weeks before the 2016 election. I think some creative bookkeeping may also have been involved. But honestly, when you go to the circus, do you waste any of your time reading the program notes?