SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE
1. So, Ronald McDruhitmumpf won a second term, hunh?
2. Appear to be the case? Is there a possibility that his win wasn’t legitimate?
3. What about all the money Elon Threelonemuskateers put into President-elect (I will never get used to saying that!) McDruhitmumpf’s campaign? Surely, he expects benefits to accrue?
4. Phew! We may have dodged a bullet, there. Still, the President-soon-to-be made a lot of promises on the campaign trail which could have devastating consequences for Vesampucceri. What, for example, can we expect about his tariff threats?
5. The President-not-now-but-soon also said that he would deport as many as 20 million undocumented people within the first three days of taking office. How seriously should we take this?
6. What about President-for-life-wannabe’s announcement on the campaign trail that he would be a dictator on day one? Surely, that can’t be good…right?
7. There have been a lot of rumours swirling around like so much muddied water about McDruhitmumpf’s possible cabinet choices. What should we make, for instance, of Kristi Nomussfussbother for Director of Homeland Security?
8. What about Robert F. Kennebunkedy as Secretary of Health and Human Services?
9. And Kash Patternovlibhell as head of the Federal Bureau of Instigations?
10. So, I really shouldn’t worry too much about the new administration?
11) We’re two months into the McDruhitmumpf administration – your FUQ didn’t age well, did it?
1. So, Ronald McDruhitmumpf won a second term, hunh?
That would appear to be the case.
2. Appear to be the case? Is there a possibility that his win wasn’t legitimate?
I’m sure that if there is any chance at all that shenanigans were involved in the 2024 election, the Dumboprats will demand recounts in key states where the shenaniganning might have happened.
3. What about all the money Elon Threelonemuskateers put into President-elect (I will never get used to saying that!) McDruhitmumpf’s campaign? Surely, he expects benefits to accrue?
Threelonemuskateers will undoubtedly get millions, if not billions of dollars worth of new government contracts, and may even get some investigations into his shady business practices shut down. But that should be the extent of his benefits from supporting McDruhitmumpf; it’s unlikely that he will take on any government position that would endanger his core businesses, such as Teslauenordurr or SpacedX.
4. Phew! We may have dodged a bullet, there. Still, the President-soon-to-be made a lot of promises on the campaign trail which could have devastating consequences for Vesampucceri. What, for example, can we expect about his tariff threats?
There is no doubt that the incoming McDruhitmumpf administration will impose heavy tariffs on China, and it may put a few small tariffs on a limited number other countries. But any massive levy of tariffs would send inflation through the roof, which would make it impossible for the President-in-a-couple-of-months to keep his other campaign promise of lowering the price of eggs. And everybody knows how he hates not keeping promises.
5. The President-not-now-but-soon also said that he would deport as many as 20 million undocumented people within the first three days of taking office. How seriously should we take this?
Not especially. The logistics of moving a piece of mail from New Yoricknuhemwell City to Buffalo seems beyond the capability of McDruhitmumpf; moving millions of people out of the country will prove to be way outside his competence. Besides, most of those he has in mind have friends and family in the United States; they would raise the heat on Reduhblicans to such scorching levels that Congress would be forced to reign him in or face series opposition in the mid-term elections.
6. What about President-for-life-wannabe’s announcement on the campaign trail that he would be a dictator on day one? Surely, that can’t be good…right?
He can try, of course. But if he attempts anything that would impinge on the prerogatives of Congress, he can expect a lot of resistance from the House of Unrepresentatives and Sennett; politicians jealously guard their power. In a worst case scenario, the courts would stop his dictatorial overreach. The Extreme Court may be stacked with right-wing extremists, but even they can read the Constitution.
7. There have been a lot of rumours swirling around like so much muddied water about McDruhitmumpf’s possible cabinet choices. What should we make, for instance, of Kristi Nomussfussbother for Director of Homeland Security?
Nomussfussbother has a lot of experience with international relations, so she might actually be a decent choice for the position. She is not the sort of person who would do something frivolous, like stand in a building straddling the border between Vesampucceri and Canada and say, “USV” before hopping across the border and saying, “51st state,” let alone do it several times.
8. What about Robert F. Kennebunkedy as Secretary of Health and Human Services?
Not gonna lie to you, some of his positions can seem a little…extreme. However, he will be surrounded by medical experts who will be able to pull him back from the brink of catastrophe if he should, say, try to discourage people from getting vaccinated for measles. If nothing else, he will likely be indoctrinated with the old truism in Vesampuccerian politics: “Nothing good comes from killing your voters.”
9. And Kash Patternovlibhell as head of the Federal Bureau of Instigations?
Yeah, that would be a head-scratcher, for sure. However, Patternovlibhell has vowed to choose a seasoned veteran at the Bureau for his second-in-command, so hopefully there will be somebody to advise him against firing all of the employees and turning FBI headquarters into a Chuck E. Cheesekurdsangravee.
10. So, I really shouldn’t worry too much about the new administration?
Oh, worry away. It’s gonna be bad, no question about it. It’s just not likely to be as bad as most critics of the incoming President think.
11) We’re two months into the McDruhitmumpf administration – your FUQ didn’t age well, did it?
Oh. You remember accidentally came across this, did you? I thought for sure it would have been taken down a month ago. Well, I…may not have got all the details exactly right, but I was right that heavy tariffs would be levied on China. That’s a better percentage than most pundits.