CHAPTER 1: LILLIAN GISH
1) Headline For The Hills!
2) The Canadian Right of No Return Policy Algorithm
3) The Panel Parses Political Propaganda
4) What the Heck Do You Know? A New Beginning Runs Through It
5) The Grabblegobblems Will Have Won
6) Quote Me No Quotes, I’ll Tell You No Lies
7) Everybody’s Got An Opinion (Unfortunately)
8) Madge and Betty Save the Economy
9) A Test Only A Psychopath Could Fail
10) Everybody’s Dirty Secrets Uncovered
11) TIFF Star Search
12) Headline Humour Is So 60s!
CHAPTER 2: NORMA TALMADGE
13) Big DICK Needs a Vacation
14) Insert Headline Pun Here
15) Thou Shalt Not… *
16) ROM Wasn’t Deconstructed in a Day – A Photo-essay
17) Bawl of Confusion
18) Og and Thag Take Personal Responsibility
19) Letters to Missed Manners: Depression Etiquette
20) He’s Just Not Headliner Material
21) Bummer of a Trip, Man
22) What the Heck Do You Know? Wasn’t Properly Toilet Trained As a Child
23) Queer, Here and Needing a Beer
CHAPTER 3: PAULETTE GODDARD
24) Socialized Medicine Apocalypse Frequently Unasked Questions
25) It’s Such a Fine Headline Between Brilliant And…And…Stupid
26) No Need To Thank Us
27) What the Heck Do You Know? Wishes It Could Afford To Get In On the Wireless Spectrum Gold Rush
28) Developing Nuclear Weapons For Dummies
29) Oh, Like You Read All the Articles!
30) You will visit Doctor only in your dreams.
31) Let Me Just Read That Quote Back To You…
32) Let Sleeping Figures Lie
33) Headlining for Disaster
34) Sarah Silverman Gave Me AIDS
CHAPTER 4: JEAN ARTHUR
35) The Man In The Empty Suit
36) Death Becomes Them
37) No Flies On This Government!
38) The Madman’s Guide To Thriving In Economic Chaos
39) Peace on Earth and Headlines Towards Man
40) Plato Retreats
41) What the Heck Do You Know? Can’t Understand How It Got Its Numbers So Mixed Up
42) Producers – The Next Generation
43) Ahoy, Captain Headliner!
44) Reverie of a Dick
45) I’ve Run Out Of Bad Puns On The Word “Cover”
46) Echoes of Distant Wars
47) Life – The Short Form
48) Welcome to the Neighbourhood
CHAPTER 5: CLAUDETTE COLBERT
49) What is This Thing Called Culture? 2008 Acid Reflux Edition
50) If You Can’t Stand the Legislation, Stay Out of the Kitchen
51) Coe Comfort at the Gates
52) What the Heck Do You Know? Thinks She Wants Revenge Is Deep, Man
53) Tough Talk With the Raucous Baucus Caucus
54) May I Quote Y – Oops, Too Late!
55) The Madness of King George W.
56) Not Tonight, I Have a Headline
57) Conversations of the Damned
58) They Died In My Prime
59) Greed is Good
60) You Have to Know How to Read Between the Headlines
CHAPTER 6: BARBARA STANWYCK
61) Unusual Conversations Rarely Overheard
62) There Were Headlines on the Mirror, There Were Headlines on Her Face
63) That Corpse Is So Big, You’ll Need a TARP To Cover It FUQ
64) Eighteen Holes, No Waiting
65) The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!
66) Everybody Settles…On the Economy
67) Read John McCain’s Mind!
68) Cover Me, I’m Going In!
69) Dictators Anonymous
70) Say WHAT?
71) Indelicate Negotiations
72) Oh, Oh, Mercenary, Mercenary Me
73) Headlines Ate My Buick
CHAPTER 7: KATHERINE HEPBURN
74) The Sublime Swan Dives into the Ridiculous
75) I Wanted To Be A Vegas Headliner, But All I Got Was This Lousy Newspaper Gig
76) Cosmo and Wanda Are Dead
77) Head + Line = Comedy Gold
78) What the Heck do You Know? Knows the Palindrome for Bolton Is Notlob
79) Big DICK Feels Your Pain
80) Don’t Look at Me – THEY Said It!
81) Frequently Unasked Questions About The American Health Care Reform Apocalypse
82) Personal Crosswords: Schmuel Shmilson
83) Personal Crosswords: Schmuel Shmilson: Solution
84) Death Stalks Celery
85) It’s a Thin Line Between Bail and a Bailout (For The Man Behind the Curtain)
CHAPTER 8: RITA HAYWORTH
86) What the Heck Do You Know? Is Happy Not Being In LA
87) What the Heck Do You Know? Is Not Currently In a Relationship
88) What the Heck do You Know? Can’t Wait to Be Stimulated
89) What the Heck do You Know? About the Financial Crisis?
90) What the Heck Do You Know? Has a Love/Hate Relationship with Popular Culture
91) What the Heck Do You Know? Wants a Moment of Your Time
92) What the Heck Do You Know? Threw Up My Buick
93) What the Heck Do You Know?’s Head Exploded When It Saw Rod Blagojevich’s Elvis Impersonation
94) What the Heck Do I Know? What the Heck do You Know?!
95) What the Heck Do You Know? Hates Long Article Titles But Just Can’t Seem To Help Itself, You Know?
96) What the Heck do You Know? Has Run Out of Excuses
97) What the Heck Do You Know? Regrets That Is Isn’t Too Big To Fail
CHAPTER 9: ME
98) We’ll Always Have Polaris
99) The Flesch Is Weak
100) That Wasn’t Me and Other Vacation Stories