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Elon Felt The Excitement.
No, Wait, That Was Gas.
No, Actually, It Was Existential Dread.
But To Be Fair, It Had Been So Long Since He Had Felt Any Emotion You Could Understand His Confusing Them All.

New article image of a Book Cover

And The Second Season Won’t Start Airing Until January 20

Republicans against Trump
@RpsAgainstTrump

My god. We’re the laughingstock of the entire world.

When They Show You Who They Are, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Suppressed News.
@Suppressed News

JUST IN: Israeli Minister of Finance Bezalel Smotrich:

“If there is an agreement [with Lebanon], it is not worth the paper it is written on. We have destroyed them, and we will continue to destroy them. We will not allow them to rebuild. Anyone who raises his head will be bombed. This is the test. I believe that the Israeli public, the army, and leadership are more aware now. After October 7, we are in a new state of awareness, and this is our decision. Anyone who moves against us will die. This is simple.”

Jesus Begesus! You Have One Slumber Party With A New Guy And Your Bestie Makes With The Threats! It’s Like High School With Nukes!

Anonymous
@YourAnonCentral

Elon Musk spent Thanksgiving with Trump instead of his family and Trump sat next to Musk during the feast instead of with his wife Melania Trump. Musk hasn’t left Trump’s side since the election, questions are arising if he’ll be living at the White House after January.

CALL TO ACTIVISM
@Callto Activism

Holy sh*t.

In a speech, Putin says Trump might be k*lled.

“Trump is not even safe now, but I hope he is a smart and cautious person,” – Putin

In Putin’s doublespeak, this could be a threat.

The Absurd Ironyometer Is Considering Becoming Corporeal Just So It Can Renounce Its American Citizenship And Move To Canada

Republicans against Trump
@RpsAgainstTrump

Laura Ingraham: “Trump is fun. He is a fun factor in politics, and my gosh, we need to have more fun in this country. Too much negativity all the time”

Huh??

Today’s Scarlet Letter, Brought To You By Sesame Street, Is P

Gordon Dimmack
@GordonDimmack

UK police arrest a disabled mother of 3 because she said “make Christmas Palestinian” in a TikTok video.

“Sure, I Would Be Their First Target. But A Few Weeks Of Basic Training Would Cure Them Of That Impulse.”
Sure, It Would…

PatriotTakes
@patriottakes

Trump Department of Defense nominee Pete Hegseth’s wife said Pete believes Antifa protesters are the “exact people you’d want signing up to serve” in the military.

Pete Hegseth added: They have guts. They’re pretty brave. They believe in what they’re doing.”

Die

Hopefully Quickly And With Little Pain
But, Yeah, Definitely Die

AlphaFoX
@Alphafox78

What would you do if WWIII started?

In The Background, You Can Just Make Out The Pope Gently Shaking His Head And Mouthing, “Too Soon”

PoliticsVideoChannel
@politvidchannel

BREAKING: State of Oklahoma just blocked Superintendent’s plan to make it mandatory to worship Trump in schools

Their Deaths Were Just 40,500 Unfortunate Accidents

Saul Staniforth
@SaultStainiforth

The Israeli ambassador to the UN is played a clip of British surgeon Nizam Mamode giving evidence to MPs last week, where he recounted first hand testimony of Israeli soldiers killing civilians.

Israeli ambassador: “… that’s a lie, we would never target civilians”

Shaye Moss And Ruby Freeman Were Just The Warm-up Act

Khashoggi’s Ghost
@UROCKLive1

Elmo, the “Department of Government Efficiency” co-director, is tweeting out the names and personal details of federal employees, leading to some of his more than 205 million followers to “launch blistering critiques of ordinary” workers

Time Wimey Pretzel Logic

Acyn
@Acyn

Jeanine: We got 60% of our crude oil from Canada. If the United States is going to be energy independent again, we have a tougher negotiating stance with Canada, because we are not going to need as much of that crude oil..

Umm…Do You Not Have Any Mirrors, Or Are You A Vampire Who Doesn’t Show Up In Them?

Vivek Ramaswamy
@VivekGRamaswamy

The fear-mongering has begun. But the real thing we *should* be afraid of is the loss of self-governance to an unelected bureaucracy.

The Problem With Trump Is That He Doesn’t Have A Nice List – Everybody Is On The Naughty List (It Makes Christmas Shopping Sooooooo Much Easier!)

ProPublica
@propublica

Rosa, an undocumented immigrant from Mexico who has lived in Wisconsin for decades, said she’s glad her U.S.-born children voted for Trump.

She’s not worried about deportation: “They know who has been behaving well and who hasn’t been.”

I Was With You Right Up To The Point You Forgot The Apostrophe In “Lefts” – What An Asshole!

Octavius Rex (Alpha Male)
@octaviusrex_612

I am white.
I am heterosexual.
I am 6’4″
My parents are wealthy.
I went to Catholic school.
I use racial slurs.
I am homophobic.
I have a boat.
I go fishing.
I bullied liberals in school.
I have a Costco membership.
I use chewing tobacco.

I am the lefts greatest fear.

Reference To “Woke?”
Reference To Liberals As Lunatics?
Accusing Liberals Of Being Fascists?
Dude – If You Were Any More Republican, You’d Be In Trump’s Cabinet!

Piers Morgan
@piersmorgan

No… I act, tweet and talk a lot like a liberal who no longer feels he has anything in common with the far-left woke lunatics who’ve hijacked liberalism and turned it into modern-day fascism.

When You Cut Subsidies To Farmers, I Will Enjoy Seeing The Squeal On The Other Foot

Acyn
@Acyn

Ernst: If there are naysayers to DOGE, it’s probably because they’re eating the pork out of the trough and we really do need to be cutting the fat. Iowans sent me to Washington DC to make ’em squeal.

It Was The Trading Cards – Man, He Was Ripped In Those!

Jeras Ikehorn
@JerasIkehorn

How on Earth do so many people see a cowardly draft dodger as the epitome of masculinity?

How?!

Some Will Say That You’re Betraying Your Oath To The Constitution. So You Are. And Some Will Say That You Should Be Jailed For Supporting An Insurrection. And So You Did.

The Intellectualist
@highbrow_nobrow

Josh Hawley: “Some will say now that I am calling America a Christian Nation. So I am. And some will say that I am advocating Christian Nationalism. And so I do.”