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New photographs from Iraq show an American soldier leading a naked Iraqi prisoner on all fours around on a leash. “This was not a case of performance art,” claimed American Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice. “This was a case of consensual S/M. Abu Ghraib prison reminded some of the soldiers of the dungeons back home and, well, one thing led to another. You can’t fault people for their sexuality…right?”
SOURCE: CBBS News
Sales of Visual Bible International’s video The Gospel of John are well below expectations, all but one of its directors have resigned from the company’s board and the former chairman of the board has harshly criticized how the company was run. So, why is consultant Garth Drabinsky smiling? “I’m back!” he enthused.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
Partial transcript of Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld’s testimony to the Congressional committee investigating American military torture of captives in Iraq.
Rumsfeld: Oh, my, there’s much worse to come. Having a chorus line of naked Iraqi prisoners singing “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” was, if I may say so, highly entertaining, but what the soldiers at Abu Ghraib prison did with a tent pole, 20 rations of spam and two battery powered radios, well sir – tee hee – that just has to be seen to be believed!
Senator Noah Count: You seem to be taking a lot of pleasure in this.
Rumsfeld: Oh, no, sir. Not at all. It – ahem – is a terrible thing. I am so sorry.
Senator Count: That it happened?
Rumsfeld: That the pictures were made public.
Senator Betty Seyle-Putti: Secretary Rumsfeld, how can something like this happen?
Rumsfeld: Ah, well, you know how it is. You hear somebody in the navy got pictures of himself pointing his finger at a naked Iraqi prisoner, and you want to get video of yourself urinating on a pyramid of naked Iraqi prisoners for the army. Rivalry between the corps is a long-established –
Senator Seyle-Putti: No, sir, I meant how did this abuse happen?
Rumsfeld: Oh, it was a very small number of rotten apples, Senator. I assure you that this in no way reflects the command structure of the military.
Senator Seyle-Putti: Months ago, Human Rights Watch reported that abuse of prisoners was systematic.
Rumsfeld: That, Senator, is old news.
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
Let Them Duke It Ou – Oops, Apologies To John Wayne
The producers of NBC’s The Contender are accusing the Fox Network and the producers of The Next Great Champ of stealing their idea for a reality TV show about boxing. Heelloo! It’s not like boxing is a new phenomenon, and it’s not like reality shows are models of moral integrity! Jeez Louise – it’s like a cockroach telling a dung beetle to stay away from the bathroom!
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
MONDAY: How long do you think it will take before Lynndie England gets her own movie of the week?
TUESDAY: The investigations into 9/11 and torture in Iraq sure put Whitewater in perspective, don’t they?
WEDNESDAY: First, American corporations. Then, the Toronto police force. Now, American soldiers in Iraq. Looks like we’re going to need a lot more barrels for all those rotten apples…or maybe we should just find a new metaphor for a small amount of something…
THURSDAY: Remember when they told you in school that you shouldn’t cheat because if you didn’t do the work, you wouldn’t be prepared for life after school? Could they have been more wrong?
FRIDAY: When we want an alarm to work, why do we say it goes off, but when we want it to stop, we say we need to turn it off?
SATURDAY: Those coffins draped in American flags being flown back to the States in a transport carrier – didn’t those photos look like Stanley Kubrick had art directed them?
SUNDAY: God is like a peach cobbler that’s just come out of the oven and is left on the windowsill to cool.
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
The Latest In Unreality Programming
The Ugly Swan. Twelve women sign up for a reality show in which they get a complete physical makeover, including plastic surgery. What they don’t know – tee hee – is that their surgery is designed and presided over by performance artist Stelarc.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
What Part of “Resign” Do You Not Understand?
“I take full responsibility.” Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld appearing to take full responsibility for the abuse and torture of prisoners of war in Iraq in Congressional testimony.
I: noun. The self; the ego.
TAKE: verb, transitive. To accept (something owed, offered, or given) either reluctantly or willingly.
FULL: adjective. Of maximum or highest degree.
RESPONSIBILITY: noun. The state of being responsible, accountable, or answerable, as for a trust, debt, or obligation.
“Don Rumsfeld is the best secretary of defense the United States has ever had…” Vice President Dick Cheney to the press.
BEST: adjective. Surpassing all others in excellence, achievement, or quality; most excellent.
EVER: adverb. At any time.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
Time To Trot Out the “Mickey Mouse Operation” Jokes…Again
Disney chief Michael Eisner, explaining why the company refuses to distribute Michael Moore’s latest documentary film, Fahrenheit 9/11, stated that, “It’s not in the interest of any major corporation to get dragged into a highly charged partisan political battle.” In line with this stated policy, Disney will soon announce that it has fired radio personalities Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. They will be replaced, respectively, by Mickey Mouse, the engine of an abandoned ’57 Chevy and a piece of three week old cheese that looks more than a little dodgy.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now