My favourite American President/discount vinyl dealer: JFKTel…
When you do a personal Tarot reading on your yacht, do you consult a private deck on your private deck?
You say you caught 40 winks last night? That’s a lot of flirting!
The water wanted to continue flowing through the valley, but it was dammed if you do…
When the fast food restaurant was found guilty of murder in the choking death of a customer, it vowed to take the case to a higher food court…
When her acting career was over, Irene was Dunne like dinner…
We’re not overpoliced, we’re undercrimed!
Twenty years, not a word of a lie!
Twenty years without a single insurrection! That I know of…!
Twenty years and Bono still hasn’t found what he’s looking for – for the love of all that’s holey, somebody help the guy out!
Twenty years. Hunh. You’d think I’d know better by now…
The science fiction writer renowned for his world-building used to say: “I love it when a planet comes together!”
Juliet didn’t want to be stuck in a dead end relationship, but she knew that all roads lead to Romeo…
Painful stings are in the eye of the bee holder…
The Rabbi who was also a practising doctor used to tell his patients to open wide and say Toraaaaah…
For the vampire besieged by enemies, the stakes couldn’t have been higher…
You have to admit that there are beavers in the neighbourhood: the evidence is damming…
Where do you get the transportation that will take you across the desert to King Arthur’s court? The Camelot camel lot…
My favourite movie about a jury trial for murder during Hanukkah: 12 Angry Menorahs…
My favourite movie about a psychopathic pair of British thugs: The Kray Krays…
When the minstrel was wanted for embezzlement, you could say that he luted the treasury…
Horror writers know how to put the “gory” into “allegory…”
Is canary yellow the crayon in the coal mine?
The seven-time divorced Grand Ol’ Opry singer’s biggest hit was “All My Rolexes Are in Texas…”
Kris Kringle always gets a standing ovation when he visits the Shaugnessy household, because they believe in Santapplause…
My favourite pancake tossing tool/1960s pop singer: Spatula Clarke…
My favourite Dark Side of the Moon cover band: Pink Flawed…
To ensure that the opera diva hit her mark when singing her solo, the director ordered the set designer to put down an aria rug…
Which female singer/songwriter was known for performing her most gloomy lyrics? Alannis Morose Set…
When he was just a boy, Darth Vader gave Princess Amadala an Anakinship ring…
President Trump hasn’t posted anything to Twitter for 24 hours? Don’t believe it; it’s just the calm before the tweetstorm…
Moishe had nightmares about his mother being 100 feet tall; he found it impossible to fight against the kaijew…
After the age of mono recordings, the band really should have been called Stereo Speedwagon…
The German officer who didn’t like his uniform for special occasions was dressed to the neins…
A man who could say “Aw” to the wag who wanted a living wage would make a wager to end all wagers on nothing but swagger…
My favourite Hanukkah-celebrating rapper: Dr. Dreidel…
My favourite country song about a (mostly) obsolete technology: “All My Telexes Are Sent From Texas…”
Kosher eatery in the Jewish part of Montreal: The Fleur Deli…
I’m pretty sure Anno Domini does not translate as: “The Year of Our Dominoes…”
My least favourite religious figure/convicted murderer: Santa Claus von Bulow…
You don’t know anything about the sea duck? You’re in good company: I hadn’t heard about it, eider…
When the standard unit of electrical resistance was named after the German physicist who theorized it, it could be considered an ohmage homage…
My favourite British gangster movie about the royal charter of rights agreed to by King John of England at Runnymede in 1215: Get Magna Carta…
The hesitant thug could be called an umm lout…
The 17th century ship’s captain was hung for piracy and murder – I Kidd you not!
The kids who used straight-grained, reddish-brown hardwood to build their tree fort were living high on the mahogany…
My favourite Sweeney Todd actor/forms of luggage for long trips: Len Carry-on…
Cover Me – I’m Going Out!
