Here at Les Pages Aux Folles, LTD we pride ourselves on taking advantage of the latest information technologies to bring you the finest possible comedy product. With this in mind, we are proud to announce that today’s column is being brought to you thanks to an innovation in humour production: just in time comedy.
Sounds intriguing, doesn’t it? Allow me to briefly explain how it works. The columnist simply chooses a topic. Today’s column, for instance, is on the threat of the Province of Quebec separating from Canada — a fine choice, if I may say so, ripe with satiric possibility.
The writer transmits the day’s subject via email to our offshore comedy production facility in Uttar Pradesh, where the column is put together on a state of the art computerized assembly line. Within minutes of conception, a fully functional humour column has been produced! And the best part is that, because we no longer need to warehouse a large inventory of columns, we can produce them at a fraction of the cost of using traditional production techniques!
The same quality comedy product which you’ve come to expect at a fraction of the cost — isn’t the Information Age amazing?
The order for today’s column has gone out…the finished product should come back any time now… This is, of course, the same factory where Dave Barry and Art Buchwald have had their columns produced for years, so their orders usually take precedence…
While we’re waiting for delivery of your fine comedy product, this seems like an opportune moment to praise the government of Uttar Pradesh for creating a welcoming climate for foreign investment. For decades, economists have been claiming that capitalism would save Third World nations, but, more and more, Third World nations seem to be saving capitalism. Well done, Uttar Pradesh!
Since we, uhh, seem to have a moment, we should probably also mention Jack Warner, Phyllis Vernon, Godfrey Kilbassa and the entire New Products Team of the Satire, Commentary and Miscellaneous Polemics Division of MultiNatCorp. Since Les Pages Aux Folles was bought out by MultiNatCorp last February, the New Products Team has come up with a variety of innovations — just in time comedy being just the latest — which will enable us to compete in the rough-and-tumble world of international political comedy well into the twenty-first century. Thank you, New Products Team!
Okay, I’m getting word that your column is ready, so, without further ado, I hope you — what? Oh. No. Sorry. Apparently, that was email from the plant saying that the column has been unavoidably delayed because of an unexpected shortage of irony. You see, with just in time comedy, the components which go into a column are ordered from the supplier as they are needed, further cutting down on warehoused inventory costs. In any case, we are told that some irony has been bought on the open market, and production of your delightful comedy product has already begun.
Obviously, any system as complex as this one will require time for the, uhh, kinks to be worked out. That is always the price of progress. Still, the artisanal approach to comedy production which had prevailed for centuries was not without its problems: uncertain production schedules and wildly fluctuating quality levels, to name but two. With modern production techniques, we can guarantee 19.3 laughs per 700 column words once a week, or more often if demand is sufficient. Clearly, the advantages of just in time comedy far outweigh any minor problems —
Okay. I understand that the new column is complete, and is now being translated from the African dialect in which it was assembled into English. I just have enough time to mention that if you are not 100 per cent satisfied with your wonderful comedy product — if, for any reason, you feel it fails to live up to the specifications in your catalogue or the requisition form which you filled out — Les Pages Aux Folles is initiating a 24 hour 1-800 number to deal with your concerns.
Yes. Yes. It’s here. Enjoy your column.