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Confusion: An Underappreciated Interrogation Technique

TRANSCRIPT of an interrogation conducted by CSIS officers of a suspect at an undisclosed location in Afghanistan on December 6, 2007.

AGENT ALPHONSE: So, in today’s interrogation, am I going to be the good cop or the bad cop?

AGENT GASTON: I want to be the bad cop.

ALPHONSE: You’re always the bad cop!

GASTON: We’ve only interrogated two suspects!

ALPHONSE: And, you were the bad cop both times!

GASTON: I was good at it!

ALPHONSE: I might be better! How will we know if I don’t –

AFGHAN PRISONER: Excuse me.

ALPHONSE: What?

PRISONER: Is this the way you usually work?

GASTON: What do you mean?

ALPHONSE: Yes. Explain yourself.

PRISONER: Do you usually discuss interrogation techniques in front of the person you are interrogating?

GASTON: Is that wrong?

ALPHONSE: Should we not do that?

PRISONER: I…don’t know. This is the first time I’ve been interrogated.

GASTON: Oho. First time, eh?

ALPHONSE: Well, it’s not our first time, buddy-boy, so –

PRISONER: No, it’s your third time.

GASTON: You – how could he possibly have known that?

ALPHONSE: Could he be part of a network that has been monitoring our interrogations?

GASTON: Do we have an infiltrator in our midst?

ALPHONSE: A double agent?

GASTON: Mais, oui!

ALPHONSE: Mais, non! C’est impossible!

GASTON: Then, how did he know this was our third interrogation?

ALPHONSE: Yes. Tell us: how did you know that this was our third interrogation?

PRISONER: You said so after you sat down.

GASTON: We did?

ALPHONSE: So we did!

PRISONER: You really are new at this, aren’t you?

ALPHONSE: Do not let our casual demeanour fool you, my friend. We may not have a lot of experience in the field, but we have extension training.

PRISONER: Oh, really?

GASTON: Hsst! Extensive! Extensive!

ALPHONSE: Quoi?

GASTON: We have extensive training. Extensive!

ALPHONSE: But, that is what I said.

PRISONER: So, tell me: exactly what training have you had?

GASTON: We watched every episode of Prime Suspect. Twice!

ALPHONSE: Ah, that Helen Mitten – she is a great actress, non?

GASTON: And, we watched Nipple Twisters IV – A New Clamp In Town.

ALPHONSE: Although, that was on our lunch break.

GASTON: Still, it was 72 minutes that counted towards our interrogation certificate.

ALPHONSE: True. So, foul terrorist miscreant, know that you are dealing with two very savvy terror investigators!

PRISONER: I’m not a terrorist.

GASTON: Oho! Not a terrorist, he says?

ALPHONSE: Oh, yes. I distinctly heard him say “I’m not a terrorist.”

GASTON: Did you really say that you are not a terrorist?

PRISONER: I’m not!

GASTON: He did! He did say he was not a terrorist!

ALPHONSE: Tell me something: if you are not a terrorist, what are you doing here?

GASTON: Ha! Weren’t expecting us to ask that question, were you? Bet we’ve got you with that one. Hey? Hey?

PRISONER: I was having an argument with my brother-in-law about which side of the family property my sheep could graze on when the bastard turned me in to your soldiers for the $5,000 reward!

GASTON: Totally innocent, eh?

ALPHONSE: Turned you in, eh?

GASTON: For the reward, eh?

ALPHONSE: If that’s the case, what were you doing in a war zone?

PRISONER: My whole country’s a war zone!

GASTON: You had the option of leaving.

ALPHONSE: Going. Hightailing it. Scramming.

PRISONER: I’m a farmer! How could I go anywhere? It’s not like I could take the farm with me! Are you saying wanting to grow crops on my own land makes me a terrorist?

GASTON: Of course that’s not what we’re saying.

ALPHONSE: Certainly not.

GASTON: Absolutely not.

ALPHONSE: Unless that is exactly what we’re saying.

GASTON: So, you see – what did you say?

ALPHONSE: Well, the definition of terrorist is so contested these days.

PRISONER: Weren’t you taught the definition of terrorism?

ALPHONSE: Umm…yes. Of course. I…was just…thinking of Prime Suspect at the time…

GASTON: I was daydreaming about Nipple Twisters IV

ALPHONSE: You cannot expect us to pay attention to everything.

GASTON: The training was sooooooooooooo boring!

ALPHONSE: Ah, oui, tremendously bo –

Prisoner laughs.

ALPHONSE: You are laughing?

GASTON: He is laughing?

ALPHONSE: You are laughing?

GASTON: Yes, you are laughing?

PRISONER: Yeah. Sorry.

ALPHONSE: Why?

PRISONER: I’m just trying to figure out which one of you is supposed to be the bad cop.

GASTON: We both are.

PRISONER: You both are?

ALPHONSE: Mais, oui.

GASTON: Evidement.

PRISONER: How do you figure that?

GASTON: Simple. We’re the ones who are going to hand you over to the Afghan army.

The Prisoner stops laughing.

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