She was the most beautiful woman Neil had ever seen. She was petite, with strawberry blonde hair down to her waist; she had an ample figure; her face was round and soft. She was sitting alone, not quite at the end of the bar; all he had to do was walk up to her and introduce himself. Instead, his mind started giving him grief.
“Yeah!” his id enthusiastically roared. “She’s gorgeous! What am I waiting for?”
“Must I be such an animal?” his superego responded.
“Hey,” his id said. “Hello! Yes! That’s exactly what I am. Now, if I’ve got that straight, let’s get that girl!”
“Gee, I don’t know,” Neil’s ego whined. “Her boyfriend is probably Tom Cruise or Randy Quaid or someody. He’s probably gonna come back, find me talking to her and try to stuff me in a cocktail glass!”
“I don’t know that she has a boyfriend,” the superego pointed out.
“If he’s in a good mood,” the ego said, ignoring the superego, “he might just try stuffing me in a beer stein…”
“Come on!” the id shouted. “She won’t wait there all night!”
“Listen,” the ego insisted, “if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not get involved…”
The superego was confused. “But, this is my life,” it loudly protested. “How can I not get involved?”
The id was getting angry at this inactivity. “What am I?” it goaded the ego. “A man or a mouse?”
“Can I check the floor for traps before I answer that question?” the ego replied.
“I need a drink!” the id exclaimed. One drink later, it added: “Oohoo – much better!”
“Don’t think you’re going to get around me that easily,” the superego warned the id. Several drinks after that, it had changed its tune: “Did I ever tell you about the time I nearly got killed in the men’s room at Grand Central Station by an exploding chimpanzee? You see, I – what was that?”
The id, which never seemed to be adversely affected by alcohol, asked, “How many fingers am I holding up in front of my face?”
The superego was surprised. “I’m holding fingers up in front of my face?” it asked.
The id laughed nastily. “Good. Now, I’ll see who’s in charge, here!”
“I’m not planning to get up, am I?” the ego, nervous, asked.
“It’s the easiest way to get to that woman,” the id answered.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea…” the ego stated. But, it was too late. Neil had already stood up and lost his balance, and was well on his way to falling over. “Oh, dear…” was all he could think to say.
Meanwhile, some time after he had sat down at the bar, the woman, whose name was Jennifer, by the way, had noticed him. He wasn’t anything special: average height, dark hair, slightly pudgy. But, he wasn’t that bad looking. Almost immediately, Jennifer’s mind went to work.
“Oh, baby!” her id commented. “I think we’re in business…”
“What, him?” her superego scoffed.
“I want him!” her id shouted.
“You’d want the Hunchback of Notre Dame if he walked into the bar,” Jennifer’s superego nastily pointed out.
“Look,” her id angrily countered, “the biological clock is ticking! I want some action before I’m so old all I’ll have to look forward to in the morning is crossword puzzle books and Phil Donahue!”
“I…uhh…think he’s kind of cute…” Jennifer’s ego chimed in. “Of course, he’s no Tim Cruise…”
“You said it!” her superego interrupted.
“But, I’m no Kelly McGillis,” the ego pointed out.
“Don’t sell me short,” the superego argued. “Not only am I a fantastic human being, but I’m also quite striking…”
“No, I’m not…” the ego demurely said.”
“Yes, I am,” the superego insisted.
“Oh, you’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m serious.”
“So am I. I’m -“
“Will you two cut that out!” the id, thoroughly disgusted, screamed. “This is like watching a damn Doris Day movie! I’m going up to him and asking him to buy me a drink!”
“You’re going to embarrass me,” the superego said, resigned.
Just then, Neil embarrassed himself by falling to the floor.
The id, less enthusiastic, stated, “Okay…this is a minor setback. But, I still say we go for it.”
“Absolutely not,” the superego insisted. “Look at the jerk!”
“Are you sure he’s a jerk?” the ego asked.
“Look at him pathetically trying to pick himself up off the floor. The man’s drunk as a skunk. Of course he’s a jerk!”
“Hmm..” her ego thought, “maybe he’s worth giving a try after all…”
“That’s enough! I’m leaving!”
Of such stuff are relationships often made.