“Silvio! Silvio! Silvio!” the crowd outside the courthouse chanted. As the elegant, silver-haired gentleman climbed the steps, the shouting grew and grew, to the point where it seemed it would drown out the world. Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi stopped and, to a roar of approval from the crowd, turned.
Berlusconi looked out at the sea of faces. Those closest to him looked exactly like his, and he assumed that all of the others were the same, to the back of the square. Berlusconi waved, eliciting another roar from the crowd.
A cameraman from Italia 1, one of Berlusconi’s privately owned television networks, broke through the crowd and approached the Prime Minister. “Ciao, Silvio,” the cameraman affably said.
“Ciao, Silvio,” the Prime Minister affably responded.
“Nice day,” the cameraman commented.
“If it don’t rain,” the Prime Minister finished the old joke.
“So,” Silvio Berlusconi asked Silvio Berlusconi, “what do you have to say about this…bribery charge?”
“It’s nonsense,” Silvio Berlusconi told Silvio Berlusconi. “I am proud – I repeat – I am proud of my conduct.”
Silvio Berlusconi, a reporter for RAI 2, one of Italy’s public television networks, which Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was the head, sidled up to his private sector counterpart.
“Ciao, Silvio.”
“Ciao, Silvio.”
“Ciao, Silvio.”
“Ciao, Silvio.”
“Silvio, why do you think the magistrates are pursuing this bribery case?” Silvio Berlusconi asked Silvio Berlusconi.
“The red togas,” Silvio Berlusconi contemptuously told Silvio Berlusconi, “have always had it in for me. They cannot accept a progressive capitalist – not to mention a successful capitalist – as the head of state. And, they are, of course, supported by the left wing media.”
Silvio Berlusconi exchanged a surprised look with Silvio Berlusconi, then the two of them turned their attention back to Silvio Berlusconi. “But -” the two said as one, then stopped. The reporter from the public network deferred to the reporter for the private network. “But, Silvio,” Silvio Berlusconi protested, “how can you complain about the media when you own or control mo -“
“Buffone!” somebody in the crowd shouted. “Corrupt clown!”
Two Silvio Berlusconis turned and scanned the crowd as Silvio Berlusconi, deeply offended, tried to find the man who had shouted such a foul slur. “Do you see him?” Silvio Berlusconi asked. “Do you see the treacherous heckler?”
Silvio Berlusconi shrugged. “What did he look like?” he asked.
“He didn’t look like me!” Silvio Berlusconi, annoyed, shouted. But, none of the men could see anybody who didn’t look like them, so the reporters turned back to the Prime Minister.
“You were saying?” Silvio Berlusconi asked. Unfortunately, Silvio Berlusconi had forgotten what he had been saying. This gave Silvio Berlusconi the opportunity to jump in: “Are you worried that the conviction of your friend and ally Cesare Previti for corruption will affect the outcome of your case?”
“Not at all,” Silvio Berlusconi answered. “You see -“
“Why are you answering?” Silvio Berlusconi asked.
“Because I’m Silvio Berlusconi,” Silvio Berlusconi explained.
“But, I’m Silvio Berlusconi,” Silvio Berlusconi argued.
“Well, yes,” Silvio Berlusconi allowed, “but I’m Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister of Italy.”
“Except, you’re not,” Silvio Berlusconi insisted. “I’m Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister of Italy. You are Silvio Berlusconi, journalist.”
Silvio Berlusconi considered this for a moment. “You’re right,” he admitted. “Silvio, I am so sorry for the confusion.”
Silvio Berlusconi waved away the whole thing. “It was a perfectly understandable error,” he said.
“So, Silvio,” Silvio Berlusconi asked, “are you at all worried that this second indictment will make it impossible for you to stay in office?”
“I have learned a lot since 1994,” Silvio Berlusconi confidently stated, “and I am sure there will not be a repeat of that unfortunate incident.”
“How can you be sure?” Silvio Berlusconi asked.
“I will take down as many people with me as I can before I go,” Silvio Berlusconi told him.
Silvio Berlusconi looked at Silvio Berlusconi. They considered statements such as this “deep, deep background” (meaning they would not, of course, be airing it or anything closely resembling it).
“Well, if you’ll excuse me…” Silvio Berlusconi gently told them. Silvio Berlusconi and Silvio Berlusconi fell all over themselves thanking Silvio Berlusconi for his time.
Silvio Berlusconi smiled, turned and walked up the final few steps to meet his accusers.
Oh, when Italy ascends to its presidency, how the European Union is going to love watching this novela!