I’d like to think that most people, most of the time would like to do the right thing. However, in this increasing complex world, it’s not always easy to know what the right thing is, and those advising us don’t always make it easier.
ENVIRONMENTALIST: The weather is going nuts! The polar ice caps are melting! Hurricanes are increasing in numbers and devastating power! Droughts and desertification in warmer climates is becoming chronic! Millions of people’s lives are being threatened!
YOU: That’s terrible! What can I do?
ENVIRONMENTALIST: The car you drive is killing the planet by spewing carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, which speeds up the rate of global climate change. You need to stop driving. Try public transit, or even, if the distance isn’t too great, cycling.
YOU: Uhh, okay, I guess I can –
CAR MANUFACTURERS: No, no, no, no, no. That’s no solution! The distance is too great and public transit sucks! We are not, however, impervious to the arguments of environmentalists. Tell you what: we’ll start producing cars that run on ethanol, a fuel made out of corn that doesn’t put nearly as much carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.
YOU: Uhh…okay.
POVERTY ACTIVISTS: What kind of asshole are you?
YOU: Whu –?
POVERTY ACTIVISTS: Don’t you know that there are millions of people in the world with barely enough food to keep them alive! The corn you’re using to fuel your car could keep them from starving to death!
YOU: But…but, what about the environment?
URBAN PLANNERS: Cities need to be redesigned so that people live close to where they work and shop. That way, you wouldn’t need to use your car very often.
YOU: Oh. That sounds reason –
CITY HALL: Are you insane?
YOU: I didn’t think so…
CITY HALL: Redesigning our city would cost gatrillions of dollars! Where do you think that money comes from? Do you have a spare gatrillion dollars to give us so that we can entirely redesign the city?
YOU: Well, no, but the environment is crumbling and I want to do something about it.
ENVIRONMENTALIST: You could try eating locally grown foods. The energy used to transport foods halfway around the world is a contributing factor in global climate change. Not only that, but harmful dyes and other chemicals are needed to keep the food “looking” fresh after such long transportation.
YOU: Okay, that sounds –
CORPORATE FARMERS: Oh, please! Locally grown food is often unclean and almost always tastes like horse manure! Trust me, you don’t want to put that in your mouth! You wanna save the environment? Convince the government to raise emissions and fuel efficiency standards on your car!
CAR MANUFACTURERS: We can’t –
OIL COMPANIES: You can’t –
CAR MANUFACTURERS: Hey! We were here first!
OIL COMPANIES: You already had your turn. Listen, kid, we’d love it if cars were more fuel efficient. Sure, we would. But, you have to understand, if oil sales slowed down, we would have to lay off thousands, maybe even tens of thousands of our employees. Not only would that be bad for them, but it would be bad for the economy generally.
YOU: Oh, well, I wouldn’t want to –
ENVIRONMENTALIST: Don’t listen to them! They make billions of dollars in profit! Cutting back on oil use might bite into executive salaries, but they can live with that!
OIL COMPANIES: Hey! Butt out! People’d be better off getting an assessment of how they could make their homes more energy efficient!
CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY: Okay by us. We’re already using materials and designs that make homes more energy efficient. Of course, this adds a lot to the cost of these homes –
ECONOMIST: Are you nuts? The housing bubble is a delicate thing – any little problem could potentially set it off on a downward spiral! And, if the housing sector collapses, it could take the entire economy with it! Are you really willing to destroy the economy for the sake of saving a few kilowatts of energy?
ENVIRONMENTALIST: Look, everybody seems to have a reason for not doing anything about global climate change. But, if we don’t fundamentally change the way we live, the world will become increasing uninhabitable! Surely, you understand that everything we know, all of the things we take for granted in our lives, start with a healthy, sustainable environment, right? Right?
OIL COMPANIES, CAR MANUFACTURERS, CORPORATE FARMERS: ALARMIST!
But, of course, by this time you have stopped listening and started watching Dancing With the Stars.