Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
Me and my boyfriend, Rasta Bob (I’m not sure why he’s called that – he doesn’t wear dreads, doesn’t smoke pot, is a practicing Nordlingerite, only listens to Kenny Chesney or Clannad and is as white as the driven snow – we usually hire a taxi to take our winter precipitation north where it will have a longer, happier life – now, if he had been called Pasta Bob, that would have made more sense, given the delightful little pot belly that, umm, I’m digressing, aren’t I? Sorry. Progressive digression addiction is a psychological condition that big pharma has yet to discover. Once they do, though, I’m sure that an expensive cure that – who knows, anything is possible – might even work will quickly be found, and then my parenthetical asides won’t be longer than – oh, my goodness, I’ve done it again, haven’t I?)…
RB and I play The Mystical Runes of [INSERT YOUR CITY NAME HERE] together (have you ever played TMRo[IYCNH]? It’s pretty awesome: it’s a sword and sorcery adventure game that incorporates Google Street View images so that you can play it in a version of your home town – I love watching the dragons circle over City Hall, and when they poop all over it, there is a certain poetic – not to mention sanitational – justice! And, when orcs overrun my high school, I’m not sure I want to save it, know what I mean? Take that, popular girls! Ha ha h – TMI? OK.)…
I have noticed that, every time we play, RB makes a point of using a Supreme Spell of Suckitude, Transdimensional to send my parent’s house into another universe (which is kind of a shame: it’s a six kitchen, four bathroom, two bedroom bungalow farmhouse – my parents designed it so that they would never be more than four steps away from a refrigerator – I’ve been told that it’s a psychological quirk of people who lived through the donut wars – in any case, it’s a lovely little place – hard to believe that it’s worth more today than the entire seven blocks of the city to which it belongs was worth 53 years ago when my parents first bought
Sincerely,
Tori Oblative from Toronto
Yo, TO from TO,
Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there cause I think I get the sense of your question. You’re concerned that your boyfriend’s habit of sending your parents’ house into another dimension indicates hostility towards them. You’re absolutely correct: decades of jokes about meeting your girl’s parents, not to mention mother-in-laws, have conditioned young men to despise the parents of their girlfriends. Blame Henny Youngman.
It may not be as bad as you think, though. You should find out what dimension Basta Rob sends the home of your parents to. If, for example, they end up on a molten lava world with creatures that repeatedly roll over human bodies, he could be suggesting that your parents spend a weekend at a spa. That would be a positive thing, suggesting that there is a part of his mind that actually likes your parents. If, on the other hand, he sends them to a candy-coated reality where angels play harps and nobody ever disagrees with anybody else over who will get the last piece of cake, well, you might want to consider moving to a country far away from your parents.
Subconscious subtext – not just for Shakespearean plays any more!
The Tech Answer Guy
Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
Actually, It’s Rasta Bob, not Basta Rob. (At least, it was until five minutes ago, when my boyfriend, after several seconds of deep reconsideration of his life goals, decided to change his name to Rasta Pete. I’m not sure how that would look on a passport, frankly, but RP says he doesn’t have to legally change his name, even though I pointed out to him that if he didn’t, he might confuse headhunters who wanted to help him find a better job – as if! – and
Sincerely,
Tori Oblative from Toronto
Yo, TO from TDot,
Enough, already! Basta Rob may not be right, but it sure seems appropriate!
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: if I had to choose between the Captains of the first two Star Blap TV series, it would be Captain Jamison T. Pompous, for sure. Captain Juan Bolduc Plush always seemed to me to be better suited to being a waiter at a four star restaurant. Honestly, he could never hope to fill Captain Pompous’ phaser holster!