Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
The other day, my gal Sal…ome and I were sitting in a café, texting each other about the funny things people around us were doing. There was this guy and girl at the table next to us, and, as hard as it may be to believe, they were talking. To each other! Like cellphones had never been invented! Sal…ome and I ROFLed over that!
I was trying to explain what we were laughing at to my dad the other day, and I got the impression that he thought we were the weird ones! 🙁 “If you’re in the same room, sitting across a table from each other,” he told me, “you need to talk to each other. Don’t make the same mistake your mother and I made!”
This made no sense to me. If I text my girlfriend about how awkward Lena Dunham is acting while we’re watching Girls, she can read it at the next commercial break; if I interrupt the show to try to tell her how awkward Lena Dunham is acting, I’m being rude. If somebody sends me a stupid text, I can just ignore it; if I ignore somebody who has just made a stupid comment in a conversation, I’m being rude. I can forward a stupid text to a friend; if I repeat something stupid somebody just told me to a third person within their hearing range, I’m being rude. I can forward a text and comment on how stupid it is; if I say my opinion of what somebody just said out loud, I’m being really rude.
Talk to somebody? Face to face? When I could text them just as easily? Why would I want to do that?
Sincerely,
Sal…vatore from Sal…amanca
Yo, Sal…mo,
You should listen to your old man. Fathers know stuff, and I’m not just saying that because I have the capacity to be one some day. In the future. Far, far in the future. Don’t get Mrs. The Tech Answer Guy started.
People who text a lot are at risk of getting thumb fatigue (also known as “thumb ouchies,” “dumb numb thumb” and “Dickenson’s Oubliette”), something you don’t get when connecting in face to face conversation. On the other hand, if your partner doesn’t like where the dinner conversation is going, the back of your head could connect with a flying skillet. Weighing the relative risks, this seems like a bit of a wash.
One thing you get with face to face communications that you don’t get when you text are the subtle clues of facial expression. So, for instance, when I tell Mrs. The Tech Answer Guy that her opossum stew with shallots and a Bearnaise sauce (not to be confused with a Bernays sauce, which has no flavour but bombards you with messages telling you how great it is until you accept that it tastes wonderful) tastes like caviar, she might be able to tell I’m lying because my mouth is so screwed up it looks like it wants to swallow my nose. Hmm. You know, now that I come to say it out loud, that doesn’t seem like such a positive thing.
Okay. Bad example.
You also miss out on physical gestures when you text rather than talk face to face. Course, all the hand gestures The Tech Answer Guy knows are rude, and that’s just – okay, forget I mentioned it.
Then, there’s tone of voice, something you don’t get with text messages. Sometimes, Mrs. The Tech Answer Guy will say it’s okay for me to have some buddies over for a baccarat evening, but her tone of voice will actually indicate that she’d rather eat live spider babies than make us crustless cucumber sandwiches. Of course, The Tech Answer Guy never recognizes the message her tone of voice is desperately trying to convey until the lamp hits the back of his skull, so he’s dubious about this supposed advantage of face to face communication, as well.
Okay, you know what? I have no idea why anybody would want to talk to another human being face to face. But, uhh, don’t tell Mrs. The Tech Answer Guy. She might ask me what my face is doing when I tell her how much I love her opossum stew with shallots and a Bearnaise sauce (not to be confused with a Bear Naked Ladies sauce, with its theme song, “If I Had a Million Web Crawlers”), and that can only lead to trouble.
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: If you can’t stand the Heat, get out of Miami.