Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
When I die, what will become of my Get a Life avatar?
Sincerely,
Nus from Nowhere
Yo, Nussie,
I think it’s awesome that you are so concerned about what will happen to your avatar after you die. If more men took this kind of responsibility for their progeny, violent penguin inhalation crimes in virtual environments would be much less prevalent than they are now.
What will happen to your avatar depends on what you did with it before you died. If you weren’t very active, your avatar might just stand in a corner, neglected for many years, getting shabbier and shabbier as system upgrades give the avatars of still living players better graphics. If you were very active, your avatar might wander aimlessly for many years, bumping into walls, pets (except for leashed orangutans), decorative typewriters, billboards advertising cures for bit rot, outdoor furniture (including leashed orangutans), 20 foot tall Pez dispensers and even other avatars, eventually becoming a source of amusement when other players temporarily took it over and made it dance.
If you flew a lot, your avatar could fly aimlessly for many years, becoming something of a ghostly legend in the sky. Pixel paintings of your avatar would start popping up in Zed’s End of the World Alphabet World, Skrklon’s Pjbandrksoin and other art galleries. An opera would be written about your character and performed (to much derisive Tweeaughter) by a troupe of virtual actors.
You might have thought that somebody would notice that you were no longer active and bring it to the attention of somebody else who could end your avatar’s ghastly ghostly existence. A sys admin, perhaps, or Steven Moffat. Well, sure. You might have thought that. You might also have thought that marshmallow fang flakes with strawberry blood milk would be the perfect breakfast for today’s vampire-obsessed tweens. You and Kellogg’s both, pal. You and Kellogg’s both.
The problem is that people often leave their avatars for days, weeks or months at a time to. That’s life. As a sys admin, you’d hate to remove what appears to be an inactive character only to find out that the player had actually been studying his Talmud portion for his bar mitzvah for the past six months and, now that he was a man, had returned to take up his virtual dragon heckling activities. (Steven Moffat has never offered an opinion on the matter.)
When confronted with the bar mitzvah option, companies that produce virtual environments like Get a Life tend to err on the side of not pissing customers off.
Of course, your avatar isn’t the only thing you need to think about. What will happen to the palace you built out of used tissue boxes? If left unattended for short periods of time, it will likely become the magnet for spray-painted political slogans, video tampon ads and other forms of unwelcome graffiti. If it looks like it’s abandoned, squatters will hold raves. And, possibly rants. I…I’m not as in touch with youth culture as I probably should be. Obviously, this will drive the virtual value of your used tissue box palace way down.
You find similar things happen with pets in persistent online environments like Get a Life. And, believe me, there is nothing sadder in the virtual world than a schnauzer with a tampon ad projected on its side.
There is a solution to this problem. It might, at first, seem radical, but, the more you think about it and the more comfortable you get with it, the more you will see the merit in it. MAKE SOME FRIENDS IN GET A LIFE. You know, take an interest in the used tissue box palaces that other people are making. Talk to them a little (the people or the palaces – whichever answer more coherently). They don’t bite. Unless it’s that kind of environment.
When you know a group of people, you can make a pact where, if an avatar seems to have become aimless for a set amount of time, another member of the group can take it over. That way, you won’t have to worry about strangers making your avatar dance.
Oh, and you might find that playing is more fun, too.
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: cafes where you have to turn in your technology to spend a gadget-free hour with other people? Personally, I don’t see the attraction. When the power grid collapses, we’ll have all the time in the world to spend away from technology and with other people.