Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
I have been having an ongoing debate with Gorgias the Sophist. He is apparently of the belief that Non-being is an image. Pfft to that, I say. Absolutely pfft! To my mind, the Other is Non-being by another name, and it turns out to be the case, not only that the Other is, but that Being and beings participate in it and hence in some sense are not.
This argument feels like it has been going on for eons. Is there any way I can use Twitter to end it definitively?
Sincerely,
Plato from Athens
Yo, Plats,
It’s hard to argue Being and Nothingness in 140 characters or less. Nietzsche tried it and ended up in a madhouse. Wittgenstein managed to pull it off, but that’s only because nobody ever understood what he was going on about regardless of the length. Descartes managed to write one memorable Tweet, but then he ruined it by following up with a 500 page treatise.
The problem with Twitter is, of course, that just when you start to grapple with an issue, when you’re really wrestling with an idea, really throwing it to the ground and doing your best to pin its squirming form down, you run out of space. Consider, for example, this argument from your own work:
And, at first he would most easily discern the shadows and, after that, the likenesses or reflections in water of men and other things, and
And, what? Then, he would go have a sandwich and contemplate the perfect ratio of cheese to meat? Or, would he throw himself in the water in an attempt to embrace the reflections of men, only to explain that he really needed to bathe after a long day’s think when those around him laughed? Or, would he simply give up the whole philosophical enterprise and work at his father’s toga factory?
Twitter is hell on philosophers.
You might consider serial tweets. This worked for Sophocles, although some would argue that Oedipus the King is a more compelling character than Gorgias the Sourpuss. Still, if you did that, your next tweet would be:
later, the things themselves, and from these he would go on to contemplate the appearances in the heavens and heaven itself, more easily by
Gods, you really know how to create dramatic tension, don’t you? More easily by…what, exactly? By stomping on the foot of a Guardian, thereby ensuring swift passage to the afterlife? By cleaning the pig excrement off his sandals? By watching Buckwild on his 27 inch high definition television, an anachronism that would cause the entire edifice of rational Greek thought to implode?
The problem with serial tweets is that they are subject to the law of diminishing returns (as any clerk in a shop in the agora will know from the day after a major festival). By the fourth tweet, your followers will be wondering if you’ve been lecturing in the sun too long. By the eleventh tweet, they will be considering unfollowing you and wondering if perhaps Merenptah has been tweeting the latest LOLBasts.
If you really want to be effective, you need to use Twitter for what it does best: ridiculing your philosophical opponents. And, although he may not have advanced degrees in Smart Shit, that is something the Tech Answer Guy can help you with! Why don’t you try something like:
yo, Gorgias the Sophist – yo Momma’s so fat, she could hold the entire Senate in her mouth and still eat a roast boar!
Or,
yo, Gorgias the Sophist – if perception is reality, I perceive that you sleep with Menarchis’ sheep!
Or,
yo, Gorgias the Sophist – you have my whole fallacy wrong!
Engaging in this manner of discourse may seem beneath a philosopher of your stature. Get over it, Curdled Olive Oil Breath!
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: shouting “what you are saying is totally spacious!” will not win you an argument. Are you suggesting that it has enough leg room to comfortably seat a family of four? Or, perhaps, that it belongs to Kevin Spacey? Why would Kevin Spacey’s involvement invalidate an argument? He seems like an intelligent enough fellow (his appearance in Fred Claus notwithstanding). Granted, this may just be a translation problem; ancient Greek is slippier than a greased eel in a vat of refried coconut butter. However, I believe the term you are looking for is “speciesist.”