Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
The other night, my wife convinced (and when I say convinced, I really man coerced) me to go to dinner with our “friends” Bob and Wendy. Notice that I have used scarecrows around the word friends – these two are frightening because they only acknowledge other people to the extent that we are willing to listen to them go on at length about how great their lives are. I think of them as “friends without benefits.”
Bob’s a snob and Wendy is oh so trendy. Only the best is good enough for Bob: the best chiropractor; the best vacation on Mars; the best designer orgasms. Wendy was the first person to get her skull pierced…for fashion! She didn’t need the psychological adjustment! Arguably.
As you can imagine, the dinner conversation was a real “I” sore!
So, just as the escutcheons were being served, I took out my RaspBerry and started playing Angry Crustaceans. Man, I love that game! There’s something about crabs, shrimp and lobsters flying around a teeny tiny screen that makes me smile and think there might be something right with the world after all. And, there are bonus points for knocking over tall, but strangely precarious, buildings!
After a couple of minutes, I felt a gentle nudge on my legs. At first, I assumed it was Wendy’s pet baby T-Rex (the first resurrected from real dino DNA and copious amounts of floor wax) and ignored it. But, then, it became more insistent, more painful; from the look on my wife’s face, I realized that she was kicking me under the table. But, really, it’s not like Bob or Wendy even noticed!
When we got home that night, relations between my wife and I were pretty frosty. Seriously cold. Like, global warming? We could probably solve the problem if we just pissed off ten million wives all at the same time! That’s serious cold, man. Still, I don’t think I did anything wrong. Do you think I did anything wrong?
Sincerely,
Randy from Reno
Yo, Randy,
I know what you mean about Angry Crustaceans. My favourite part is trying to fling the lobster through the flaming hoop and into the house of business cards, which starts a ball rolling towards a – well, I don’t want to spoil it for you. Let’s just say that it’s a difficult son of a…Martian, but, once I had mastered it, I felt like a prince among shellfish.
But, uhh, Misses The Tech Answer Guy says I shouldn’t be encouraging this type of behaviour, so, umm, stop it. The way she explains it, it has something to do with being present in the moment and having meaningful interactions with the people who are around you. Sounds harder than flinging lobsters through flaming hoops, but Misses The Tech Answer Guy won the Pulitzer Prize for Congeniality – twice – so I guess she has a point.
Between you and me: red square, red square, blue triangle, green triangle, red square. You won’t believe what the ball hits when it gets rolling!
The Tech Answer Guy
Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
The other night, my wife and I attended a reception for a charity benefit to help find another cure for Lapis Lazuli, a terrible disease whose symptoms include droopy eyelids, diachronic purse elbow and uncontrollable seizures whenever any version of the song “Louie, Louie” is played. And, there are over 200 of them. It was a worthy cause, to be sure, and, yet, I found the event dull, dull, deadly dull.
So, I took out my chainsaw and startled whittling the visage of my hero, Bender, into a plank I just happened to have in my back pocket. I was doing pretty good, too – I just about had the nose completed, and I’m not a nostril kind of guy, if you know what I mean – when my wife kicked me under the table. Hard. So hard, in fact, that I completely lost control of the chainsaw. You’re probably aware of the carnage that followed from the media coverage of my arrest.
Any ideas on what I should do now?
Sincerely,
Wally from Washington
Yo, Wally,
Sounds like you are about to have some meaningful interactions with your country’s criminal justice system. After that, you will probably have a lot of time on your hands: have you ever heard of a game called Angry Crustaceans?
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: red square, blue triangle, green triangle, red square, blue triangle, green triangle, red square, red square, green triangle, blue triangle, orange dodecahedron – it’s not just for kids any more.