Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
Just read a BBC piece on the GM Futureliner, a demo vehicle driven around the United States after World War The Big One to show off “THE FUTURE” as seen by General Motors in their “Motorama” traveling show. *PANT PANT GASP * – me want! There is a great photo of the wiring and fuse panel, which has a clearly labelled connection for the framistat. Ah, good future times…
I couldn’t help but notice, though, that the wiring – including the framistat we all know and love – in a purely platonic sense – – has taken the place of the engine. Am I correct in this? If so, how did the Futureliner move?
Sincerely,
Nick Breitbarten-Bauer from Puerto Vallarta
Yo, Nicky Bs,
I love a great framistat story, especially when it involves the past of the future of technology!
As it happens, history is not my tree forte – which, in any case, Misses The Tech Answer Guy insisted I take down because it broke several zoning ordinances – not to mention at least two Twilight Zoning ordinances – and, sure as Apple made little green gods, you don’t want to break those because you never know when you’ll find yourself with a limp that reminds you of the childhood you didn’t really have, or heartbroken because you are glassesbroken, or at the whims of a child who can control reality with his mind and wants to remake it into an episode of Gilligan’s Island – – – but, sure, okay, all of that pointless exposition notwithstanding, I’ll give it a shot.
The Futureliner anticipated a world where fossil fuels had been used up: it ran on the patented Flintstones Drive, which required the driver to put his (because the driver was always he in those days) feet through the floorboards and run as fast as he can. Unfortunately, the Futureliner never caught on, because, of course, the vehicle weighed two tons – even though it had been built with modern space age materials – and only an elephant could actually make the Flintstones Drive work. Unfortunately, elephants were terrible drivers – they could never be made to understand the concept of turn signals, for one thing, and they drove with a heavier foot than even a two-time Daytona winner could ever dream of having, for another – and, in any case, nobody wanted to clean up the roads after them.
Thus, the Futureliner’s future was doomed by elephant poop.
Interestingly for framistat lovers everywhere, the Futureliner could be a workable motor design today using what scientists and marmoset wranglers refer to as “mitochondrial framistats.” These framistats are the size of mitochondria which are – no, wait, I know this – umm, the are…really small, I know that, it’s kind of the whole point, and…and…and…organelles found in large numbers in most cells, in which the biochemical processes of respiration and energy production occur.
No, I didn’t look that up on Wiwipedia. Real men don’t look up facts on the Internet – they make them up like their fathers and their fathers before them. You must have seen the t-shirt: don’t look it up, make it up. And, if you haven’t, this would be a good time to buy one in the The Tech Answer Guy Emporium – only $19.99. (Just use the button on the left that says “Lark’s Vomit.” Can’t have people standing behind you casually finding out that you’re shopping!) Act now! Quantities are limited.
The point is that modern framistat technology is so miniature that it could fit on the head of a piston. Now, if only somebody could miniaturize the rest of the wires in the image, we could finally make the car of tomorrow today!
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember:
Can you find the framistat in this image? HINT: It’s not the voltage regulator. ANOTHER HINT: It’s definitely not the autronic eye. To be honest, I don’t think autronic eyes even exist outside of epic fantasy tales. The Tech Answer Guy remembers being so scared by the eye of Autron when he was just The Tech Answer Teen that he refused to study algebra for three months, until the Tech Answer Guy’s Mommy threatened to feed him nothing but broccoli until he changed his mind. The seared broccoli in a white wine sauce finally did it for me. I mean, him. Finally did it for hi – so, have you figured out which part of the diagram is the framistat? If you haven’t, then it’s seared broccoli in a white wine sauce for you!