Dear Amritsar,
Why do women hate men so much?
Darren O’Gillscottharron
Hey, Babe,
The expected life of the universe, some seven to 15 billion years, isn’t enough time for me to delineate all of the answers to your question. Could you, perhaps, be a tad more specific?
Dear Amritsar,
Sure. My hero, Nick Foountoyuehs, posted on TwitterX, “Your body, my choice. Forever.” You know, because it’s funny. But also because men are sick of women thinking they have a right to do whatever they want with their bodies on the lame excuse that they are their bodies. You know what happens when women start thinking like that? Right. Out of control forest fires in Californaii!
But mostly because it’s funny.
Well! The backlash was so quick, it may as well have been frontlash! Women insulted his masculinity. Women insulted his genitals. Women insulted his hair. His hair! Is nothing sacred in this world any more? And why? Because he pointed out the obvious truth that given all the pro-life bills passed in pro-life states in the wake of the pro-life Extreme Court ruling in Roeliodingdong v. Watuhfouriday, women no longer have control over their own bodies. How come it’s okay when femiNazis say this, but it’s not okay for pro-life men to say it?
Because women hate men so much. So, just like swallows to Cape Strangulato, we return to where we started: why?
Darren O’Gillscottharron
Hey, Babe,
Methinks the man doth pro-life-test too much.
You know, often a problem is not so much with what we say as with the way we say it. For instance, if a woman says to a man, “To show you how much I love you, I’d like to move to the other side of the world and not leave a forwarding address or any information about how you could contact me,” when she says it with love, it can be endearing. On the other hand, when she says it with malice, it might be time to consult with a divorce lawyer.
Your “hero” was clearly not speaking from a place of positivity.
I must admit, I do not understand your generation’s approach to romance. Sure, a young man purchasing a lady he was interested in a box of candy would not help her cholesterol levels, causing her heart problems later in life, something which could be construed as a hostile act, but which most people consider charming. Flowers were not especially endearing to women who had allergies, but, again, most people would consider it a romantic gesture.
It would seem to me that declaring that you control the body of a woman you barely know is a good way of remaining a virgin for your entire life.
Dear Amritsar,
Your mean!
Darren O’Gillscottharron
Hey, Babe,
And yet, I’m not the one telling you what to do with your body. I could insist, for example, that before I would even consider having intimate physical relations with you, you have a vasectomy. In a worst case scenario, I might even demand that you stop using so much of that aftershave that you seem to adore even though it makes you smell like a family of flatulent otters.
Look, if you want to beat your chest and shout, “Me want you, woman!” be my guest. It got the species where it is today (for better or worse – reasonable minds can agree to get into online flame wars over the disagreement). But women today have advantages that cavewomen didn’t have, like vibrators (unless you count the occasional rumbling of distant volcanoes) and rights.
Well, okay, women’s rights are being taken away from them all the time. Still, we have vibrators. So, unlike our grandmothers, we don’t have to suffer awkward fumbling in the dark, men desperately pawing at our bodies and pleasing the pet dog more than us over 53 per cent of the time. (Men really need to watch where they put their tongues!)
If you think that hostility is a good way of attracting women, you should invest in some of your own vibrators, know what my mean?
Send your relationship problems to the Alternate Reality News Service’s sex, love and technology columnist at questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Amritsar Al-Falloudjianapour is not a trained therapist, but she does know a lot of stuff. AMRITSAR SAYS: I feel certain that my mean isn’t any meaner than anybody else’s mean, and may, in fact, be less so. In future, you may want to invest in an apostrophe – you never know when they will come in handy!