That May Not Sound Impressive, But He Was The Master Of 20 Portalth Century Theatre
I went to Montreal for the Con*Cept science fiction convention. Thanks to a generous offer of a place to stay by my cousin, I arrived a couple of days early. The scenery of Sainte Eustache and Two Mountains (I know that, some day, somebody will figure out why a lake was called Two Mountains – I have faith) was delightful; the cats in the house not so much.
My allergic reaction mostly involved difficulty breathing, but there was also the delight of sneezing and having a running nose. (I did my best to fight it. Honest, I did. Kleenex, Dirtyex, Malcolm X – I would have used whatever helped; unfortunately, nothing did…) This exacerbated the cough that I had been nurturing over the previous couple of weeks. (I thought I should get a cough suppressant to help get me through the con, but I bought an expectorant instead. Sometimes my brain is not my friend.) Add to this the fact that I didn’t get much sleep (strange beds and all), and I was generally achy and sluggish.
Man, I had enough infirmities that weekend to qualify as a Beckett character!
If The Other Panelists Jumped Off The Enterprise Bridge, Would You Follow Them?
I honestly didn’t mean to be as negative about Torchwood: Miracle Day as I’m sure I came across at my first panel of the con. But…the other members of the panel started it!
At Least I Have The Sense Not To End The Final Sentence With An Exclamation Mark
EGO BUILDER OF THE CON #1: Writer Guest of Honour Eric Flint actually picked up a copy of my book and opened it to a random page! Eric Flint! The WGH! It seems almost churlish to mention that he immediately closed the book, put it back on the table and walked straight out of the dealers’ room.
The Things You Learn At Science Fiction Conventions!
Fun Con*Cept fact: it costs $1,000 to pump the stomach of a cat in Montreal.
I Don’t Have A Dirty Mind, But Reality Is Conspiring Against Me…
2 much) Why was the woman in the room next to mine moaning and whimpering at three in the morning?
a) her partner threatened to burn all of her Gilmore Girls DVDs if she didn’t stop watching them and come to bed
b) hey! – even science fiction geeks can get lucky!
c) hey! – science fiction geeks weren’t the only people staying at the hotel!
3’s a crowd) Why was there a loud BANG! on the wall in the middle of the whimpering and moaning?
a) strip mining mountains for coal is not something you can do quietly
b) somebody was re-enacting the destruction of Alderaan by the Death Star and got a little carried away
c) oh, this is cheap – even for you
Wait! You Can Get Bagels At HMV?
Walking down Sainte-Catherine, I came across a double decker bus that had stopped in front of HMV. On the upper level a tribute band was playing Pink Floyd songs live. And, I thought: this has to have an effect on the slogan, “Montreal: come for the bagels, stay for the cultural condescension!”
Image Gallery
No, the con hotel was not named The Overlook. It was called The Espresso. Why do you ask?
For some reason, I couldn’t bear to watch this man go through the door as he left the dealer’s room. I hope he had a name…
Why do I always end up at a table opposite a hypnotic video? Those hands…constantly refiguring those tiny magnetized balls …always in motion…so tiny…so very tiny…what – what was I talking about, again?
Yeah, if I was that adorable, that…furry, I would probably have people adjusting my shoes, too! Not that I’m jealous, or anything – I’m furry where it counts, baby. I’m furry where it counts!
The Obligatory Doctor Who Panel was one of the best attended of all of the cons I have been to. BONUS: can you find my cousin Sharon in this picture? HINT: she’s the one with the book in her lap…
I Guess She Didn’t Care For My “Money Stays In My Bank Account” Guarantee
EGO BUILDER OF THE CON #2: A woman took one look at the cover of a copy of What Were Once Miracles are Now Children’s Toys and sniffed, “I bought your book last year. It’s still sitting on my shelf.” She seemed somewhat irate about it, as if it was somehow my fault that she hadn’t read the book!
I’m Sure All Of The Subsequent Furtive Finger Pointing And Whispered “He’s the one!”s Were Just My Imagination
At the panel on Doctor Who, I mentioned that I didn’t care for Matt Smith in the title role. It may have been a bit of a ranty mention. That lasted five minutes. With much handy gesticulation. Fortunately, fans of the show are very forgiving: after a couple of moments of stunned silence, somebody in the audience changed the subject and we never spoke of it again.
I…I Know I Have To Lose Some Weight, But Was That Really Necessary?
“You’re the M Class planet!”
– somebody recognized me from my description in the Con*Cept convention programme