Prime Minister Jean Chretien has announced that he will be eliminating campaign contributions from corporations and labour unions. Most politicians, including Liberals, object to his position on the not unreasonable grounds that this would leave campaign contributing to individual citizens, and lord knows they can’t be trusted!
Still, I think they are fighting Chretien’s stated policy on the wrong grounds. It would seem to me that his policy is based on a fundamental misinterpretation of how the political process actually works. To hear Chretien tell it, campaigns actually result in the following:
Ring ring.
MP: He –
CONTRACTOR: Where’s my contract?
MP: Oh, hello.
CONTRACTOR: Yeah, yeah, enough with the pleasantries. Where’s my contract?
MP: It’s not that simple…
CONTRACTOR: No? It seemed pretty simple when I gave $50,000 to your campaign.
MP: We have a tender process –
CONTRACTOR: Tender this, pal! If I don’t see a federal contract for at least four times what I gave you – and, I mean pronto! – I’ll give my money to another candidate in the next election. Maybe he’ll be a little more cooperative with his freaking tender process!
In this view, campaign contributions are a not so subtle form of bribery. If this were the way politics actually worked, it would be heinous. However, I would suggest that a typical campaign is completely different, more like this:
OIL PRODUCER: Here’s $50,000 for your campaign.
CANDIDATE: Thanks. You understand that this will not in any way affect my position on issues related to the oil industry.
OIL PRODUCER: Of course not! And, frankly, I’m scandalized that you would even suggest such a thing!
CANDIDATE: I am heartened to hear that. Still, it does seem to require the question: why are you giving me all this money?
OIL PRODUCER: Call me a crazy romantic, but I just want to do my part to make the political process in this country work!
The election is held in due course, and the candidate – on the basis of TV ads claiming that his main opponent enjoys dressing in women’s clothing and tattooing hearts with daggers through them on the bodies of poor, defenseless hamsters – wins handily. Soon after he is installed in office, he finds himself playing golf with, among others, the Oil Producer (who, as fortune would have it, is a graceful loser).
MP: I would like to thank you for your contribution to my campaign – it was an important, perhaps decisive factor in my electoral triumph.
OIL PRODUCER: Let us speak no more of it. ‘Twas my civic duty – that and nothing more.
MP: Good. You understand that you were invited to play today not because it gave us an opportunity to discuss how you would like to be rewarded for your donation to my campaign, but rather because I find you a genuinely convivial fellow and I enjoy the pleasure of your company.
OIL PRODUCER: My dear chap! You must understand, in your turn, that I have no intention of speaking of pending legislation that would adversely affect my economic interests. Good company, good cheer, a beautiful day – who could ask for anything more?
MP: We have an understanding, then?
OIL PRODUCER: Play on, sir, I say, play on!
Unfortunately, the MP is a member of a minority party, and the ruling majority passes the legislation that does adversely affect the economic interests of the Oil Producer. The Oil Producer calls the MP. A week later, the MP returns his call.
MP: Sorry I was not able to respond to your original message with due dispatch.
OIL PRODUCER: My dear fellow, think nothing of it. I fully appreciate how serving the public interest in Ottawa can consume all of one’s time.
MP: Just so.
OIL PRODUCER: I called to convey my gratitude.
MP: Gratitude, my good sir? For what?
OIL PRODUCER: Your impassioned plea in Parliament on my behalf.
MP: Tosh and rot! That speech had nothing to do with the great honking whack load of money you donated to my campaign – I made it because I searched my conscience and fervently believe the cause is just!
OIL PRODUCER: Well said!
MP: We’ll get them next time, and make no mistake.
OIL PRODUCER: Indeed. To next time!
You see? Looked at in the right way, corporate and labour union donations have absolutely no effect whatsoever on the way individual members of Parliament or entire parties formulate their policies. In fact, they are an integral part of why politics in this country works as well as it does.
And, anybody who says otherwise is dumber than a bucketful of hammers.