Skip to content

The Daily Me – Herschel “Sacrificial” Lamb

New article image of a Book Cover

Thank you, Herschel “Sacrificial” Lamb, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, when we wanted to save this file, our computer gave us the following message: “The file has been changed since it was opened for editing in FreedomWriter. Saving your version of the document will overwrite changes made by others. Do you want to save anyway?” Well, yeah, FreedomWriter, our work may not be Pynchon-level prose, but it doesn’t pay the bills, so we’re kind of committed to – what do you mean “changes by others?” We’re the only one who has access to this computer – who has been making changes to our documents while we were off living our life‽

We can only hope whoever it is is making our writing better.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Hard To Believe That The Womb Of Barbara Frump Carried His Ego For Nine Months

Ronald McRooney was killed last night when a man who has been identified as Joseph Schmidt broke into his home and inhaled a penguin next to him. Police believe that Schmidt, who also died in the inhalation, blamed McRooney of stealing the affections of his pet ferret, Sir Montague of Bialeystock.

“This is an obvious case of antisemitism,” claimed genocide apologist David Frump. “And people still argue that the Jewish community isn’t under threat. They are as disingenuous as three year-olds with cake all around their mouth who swear they haven’t eaten anything sweet all day!”

Would Frump allow that his narrative is undermined by the fact that the victim wasn’t Jewish and the perpetrator wasn’t Palestinian? “Oh, please!” he scoffed. “That just shows you how desperate the antisemites have become!”

I’ll take that as a no, then.

SOURCE: The National Whipping Post

[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec0ecda-b6e6-4c41-bf5b-07b409cc48ec]
more

Plagiarism Is The Sincerest Form Of Fascism

0 empathy) Who said: “Climate change is a global problem that requires a global solution?”



a) former Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper
b) lawyer BJ Wray, acting on behalf of Prime Minister Mark Carney’s “Liberal” government
c) Foghorn Leghorn, acting on behalf of Marvin the Martian
d) all of the above


0 compassion) Who said: “We will not allow a situation in which [Country X] poses a military threat to our legitimate security interests?” What country were they talking about?



a) Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu; Gaza
b) Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov; Ukraine
c) Adenoid Hinkle; Poland
d) all of the above


0 remorse) Why are politicians regurgitating each other’s talking points?



a) they used AI to write their speeches
b) they wanted people to think they used AI to write their speeches to lessen their responsibility for the policies they were advocating
c) they watched a documentary on how birds feed their newborns and thought, That looks like fun!


SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more

“The Goal For Me Is Not Rationality. The Goal Has Always Been Confusion. Making Sense Just Gets In The Way. Try To Convince Me – I Enjoy Mulching Other People’s Arguments!”


“The goal for me is not independence. The goal has always been sovereignty. I just see independence as the only clear path to the sovereignty we need. But I can be convinced.”

– independence advocate with Let’s Talk Albert Chris Scott


SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more

Unfortunately, Any Voice That May Say, “Have You No Sense Of Decency, Sir, At Long Last? Have You Left No Sense Of Decency?” Will Now Be Drowned Out By A Fascist Echo Chamber

“Today we are engaged in a final, all-out battle between communistic atheism radical Islam and Christianity. The modern champions of communism Islam have selected this as the time. And, ladies and gentlemen, the chips are down – they are truly down.

…Can there be anyone here tonight who is so blind as to say that the war is not on? Can there be anyone who fails to realize that the communist Muslim world has said, “The time is now” – that this is the time for the showdown between the democratic Christian world and the communist atheistic radical Muslim world? Unless we face this fact, we shall pay the price that must be paid by those who wait too long.

… In my opinion the State Department, which is one of the most important government departments, is thoroughly infested with communists Muslims.

I have in my hand 57 cases of individuals who would appear to be either card-carrying members or certainly loyal to the Communist Party Muslim Brotherhood, but who nevertheless are still helping to shape our foreign policy.”

Across the ocean of 75 years, the target may change, but the hateful rhetoric is eerily the same.

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1144&dir=bb]
more

“If Any Of Your Doge Team Is Caught Or Have Their Careers Killed, The President Will Disavow Any Knowledge Of Their Actions…”

WANTED: hatchet man for USAID. No experience necessary. No background check required. Must hate government agencies and be indifferent to human suffering. Must have three months experience destroying databases. Malignant narcissism an asset. APPLY: E. Musk, DOGE c/o The White House.

SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed

[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/047728.qrhtml]
more

They’re All Recognizably Words, And Yet…

Conrad Black (yes, he’s still alive, and he still owns newspapers so his screeds are still published) recently wrote: “The only road to peace is Israeli victory; no nation could wish peace more than Israel does, but when the enemy is prepared to die to achieve a genocidal objective, he must die.”

This made no sense, so I reached for my dictionary to try and parse it:

NO: none, not a one
NATION: state or country
COULD WISH FOR: desires
PEACE: absence of war
MORE THAN: to a greater degree than
ISRAEL: Israel

Nope. Didn’t help. This is supposed to describe a country that initiated at least four wars within the last three years? It’s still a complete non-sequitur.

SOURCE: Wryerson X University Corporate Named University Journalism Review

[http://www.cnuuniversity.ca/jr/online/capra-cornin1.html]
more

Did Somebody Mention The Ocean Of Time?

INT. WHITE HOUSE – DAY

VICE PRESIDENT JD VANCE is having breakfast with the ghost of former President RONALD REAGAN.

JD VANCE: I don’t get it, Ronnie. Why do so many people hate Russia? They’re not the bad guys.

RONALD REAGAN: Yes! Yes, they absolutely are the bad guys! They’re the Evil Empire!

VANCE: They didn’t start the war in Ukraine.

REAGAN: Yes! They absolutely started the war in Ukraine!

VANCE: They just want to be safe and secure.

REAGAN: By taking over half of Europe! By making the rest of the world unsafe and insecure!

VANCE: There’s no other explanation for it: critics of Russia must be deranged.

REAGAN: AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHH!

SOURCE: Weekends!

[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227917]
more