Thank you, Horsey Worsey in the Library With the Crimping Iron, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, somebody we were talking to asked, "Do you mind if I ask you what could be a dumb question?" Without hesitation, we answered: "Feel free. We assume every question is dumb unless it proves otherwise." That was seven years ago. We still don't know what the question was...
Enjoy,Separation Anxiety
INT. COWBOY-THEMED BAR - DAY
PAUL ST-PIERRE PLAMONDON, leader of the Parti Québécois, and DANIELLE SMITH, Premier of Albert, are sitting across a table from each other, sharing a plate stacked a mile high with ribs and a bottle of red wine.
PAUL ST-PIERRE PLAMONDON: Sooo, you're planning a referendum on separating from Canada, eh? I know a thing or two about the subject...
DANIELLE SMITH: I'm sure you do.
PLAMONDON: I would be happy to share my knowledge with you.
SMITH: No doubt. But we're good.
PLAMONDON: I think your referendum campaign could benefit from my experience.
SMITH: That's very kind of you, but I'm confident that my team and I can handle it.
PLAMONDON: (growing frustrated) You would be surprised what can happen in the middle of a separation campaign.
SMITH: Surprises are always part of the political landscape. You deal with them as best you can when they arise.
PLAMONDON: But they are easier to deal with when you have help.
SMITH: I'm not doing it alone. I have a fully capable cabinet.
PLAMONDON: Help that has the kind of experience that relates directly to your situation.
SMITH: Would you like more ribs? Your stack seems to be almost gone.
Plamondon looks at the large stack of ribs on the plate in front of him.
PLAMONDON: Non, merci. I still have a lot to eat in front of me.
SMITH: Suit yourself.
PLAMONDON: (under his breath) Maudits Anglais!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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America Is Screwed, But Only In The Biblical Sense
A man who claimed he was Jesus shot a gun in the area of the White House, and was killed by police. Nasire Best had a "Pretrial Stay Away Order," stemming from a 2025 incident where he tried to get through a White House checkpoint without authorization, but he obviously thought that his religious law superseded America's secular law.
Nobody at the White House was worried about the attack; everybody working in this administration knows that President Donald Trump is Jesus.
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448854-jesus-christ-yes-not-you-sir]
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Spike Lee Considering Suing President Trump For Copyright Infringement
Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard has resigned, saying she needed to spend more time looking after her husband, who had recently been diagnosed with an advanced case of cancer of the toenail.
In response to some observers wondering if the resignation had anything to do with a split in the administration on the wisdom of the Iran War, President Donald Trump posted to Truth Antisocial: "Everybody in my cabinet knows the Excursion in Iran was America being called to Do The Right Thing. I know it. You know it. Even Marco Rubio knows it. In fact, every cabinet member going back to the Taft administration knows it. Tulsi Drabbard was a...an adequate DNI, but it's time for new blood. In the position, not the battlefield! Thank you for your inattention to this matter!!! DJT"
SOURCE: The New York Crimes
[https://www.nycrimes.com/live/2026/05/23/middleeast/israel-iran-war-nonukes]
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Fly By Night Infrastructure Planning
Toronto City Council has voted against asking Ontario to add a referendum on the $5-billion Billy Bishop expansion to the October 26 municipal ballot. Critics say that the move will stifle public discussion of the controversial move.
"Of course it stifles discussion!" said Councillor Shelley Carroll, an opponent of the referendum. "You can't just let citizens publicly talk about whatever enters their empty little heads! If I wanted that, I could log on to TwitterX!"
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=416287]
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York University is considering moving Glendon's programs, faculty and students to its Keele Campus, citing declining enrolment and major building repair costs.
"Yes, the move may disrupt the lives of many students and faculty," allowed Interim Provost Laina Bay-Cheng. "But on the bright side, it will mean one less university site for pro-Palestinian activists to protest at - think of the savings on security!"
SOURCE: The Chronicle of Lower Education
[http://lowerchronicle.com/weekly/v14/i13/36a02601.htm]
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Oh, What A Lovely Not War!
Israel and the United States attack Iran. Iran strikes back at American and allied targets. American President Donald Trump declares the war over. Iran takes over the Strait of Hormuz. President Trump demands that the Strait be opened, or the United States will rein brimstone and hellfire down on the country and completely destroy Iran. Iran continues to control the Strait of Hormuz. President Trump says that Iran and the United States are very close to a deal. Like, thiiiiiiiiis close close! Iran continues to control the Strait of Hormuz. President Trump demands that the Strait be opened, or the United States will rein brimstone and hellfire down on the country and completely destroy Iran. Iran continues to control the Strait of Hormuz.
?
SOURCE: Politics for Beginners
[http://www.politicsforbeginners.com/home.asp?did=512&dir=bb]
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