Thank you, Cranberry Turkey Breckenridge VII, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were on the subway when we noticed advertisements for a wealth management company. At first, we thought, Well, at least they've replaced those awful ads for the company that will help you create your will. We don't need reminders of our mortality, thank you very much: we have cats. But then, we noticed that ads for wealth management were next to ads for wills. So, we modified our thought to: Well, isn't that a perfect encapsulation of the city: its dominated by wealthy old people waiting to die!
There's a tourism slogan for you.
Enjoy,And The Moral Of The Story Is: Choose Your Chosen Ones A Little More Critically
Once upon a time, there existed a peaceable kingdom that had lived next to a...less than peaceable kingdom peaceably for many years. Then, one day, a fire-breathing dragon took over the kingdom next door. In truth, he was old and his fire was feeble, but he surrounded himself with people who were deathly afraid of even the slightest lick of fire (although they were not above investing their wealth in companies that produced asbestos and other flame-retardant products), so he felt free to rain fire on cities that didn't pay him proper due, and steal and hoard the country's gold.
At first, the leaders of the peaceable kingdom tried to live with the dragon. But soon, he was raiding villages on their side of the border, disrupting some of their basic industries. And the people cried: "Oh, won't some hero come and save us from the feeble but still quite dangerous dragon?" And their cries were heard when The Knight Mark became the chosen one (in a popular election...with the aid of a few defections from warriors from other clans).
The Knight Mark knew that he couldn't slay the dragon, so he did the next best thing: he banded together with knights from other realms the dragon threatened to shore up everybody's industries and make the dragon less and less of a threat to their people's prosperity. And the people of the peaceable kingdom rejoiced, and they sang, and they danced, and they got drunk on domestic mead and passed out in the elevators of their condos.
Then, The Knight Mark ordered the peaceable kingdom stripped of its lush forests in order to mine more (liquid) gold. And he reduced the kingdom's assistance to its peasants while rewarding already wealthy landowners. And he increased the kingdom's spending on swords and shields and ballistic missiles, threatening its description as peaceable.
And many people in the kingdom wondered: "Was the dragon really so bad...?"
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
more
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
Everywhere, Friend. They're Available Everywhere!
"Refreshers" are a marketing scam. They could contain lemonade. Or not. They could have a green tea base. Unless they don't. Maybe they are based on sparkling water. Maybe they aren't. They could contain coconut milk. Or you could be barking up the wrong sippy cup. They could be caffeinated. But are you willing to take the chance? Refreshers are -
"Did you see the new drink? It's pink and orange!"
Ooh! Pink and orange? Where can I get one of those‽
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
more
Are You Certain About That? Because I'm Pretty Sure There's A Paragraph On The 37th Page Of The Eula Forbidding "Questioning, Skepticism, Mistrust, Doubt Or Uncertainty" Of "The Company, Its Contractors, Its Employees, It's Sub-contractors, Its Products, It's Sub-sub-contractors, Or It's Sub-sub-sub-contractors, To Infinity, Forever And Ever, Amen."
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1276555533]
more
They Could Always Appeal To The Supreme - Oh...
In a 4-3 ruling, the Virginia Supreme Court has overturned the redistricting referendum approved by voters last month, costing Democrats potentially five additional House seats. The court ruled the General Assembly violated the Virginia Constitution in advancing the amendment, nullifying the referendum entirely.
Eyeing Texas enviously, Virginia Governor Abigail Spanberger commented, "I guess it really is better to ask for forgiveness than permission..."
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
more
That's When "Shtay Thrishty, My Friednishes" Became Political
He enjoys throwing up in the lap of a complete stranger at sports events he's flown his hot, out of his league girlfriend to on government jets. When he gives press conferences, everybody's lighters are confiscated so nobody can accidentally blow up the room by igniting his breath. He staff includes a "Special Assistant in Charge of Empties."
He is the most insecure, incompetent FBI Director in history.
"I drink often. But when I'm in Washington, I drink my personalized Bourbon. Stay - hic! - stay - stay - stay - oh, God, I'm gonna hurl!"
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1858952634]
more
Too Soon? Tell Them That!
There has been some consternation in the video game industry over the sale of Electronic Arts to Saudi Arabia's sovereign wealth fund and Affinity Partners, a private equity firm owned by Jared Kushner. Critics are concerned that concentration in the industry will result in massive layoffs and suckier games.
Still, it could be worse. Kushner and the Saudis could be planning to move production of EA games to Gaza.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/260510/geeklynews/01jaredalsaudhahaha.htm]
more
Putting The "Grate" Back In Greeting Cards
Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!SOURCE: Hellmark Greeting Cards
[http://www.hellmark.com/hmk/Website/Shopping/sh_eg_home.jsp?BV_SessionID=@@@@0679689116.1099181319@@@@&BV_EngineID=hadcllcgffdibedcfchcgn.0]
more