Thank you, Una Merkin Muffley, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we asked cH@rliE, the office chatbot, if our job was safe because, you know, office politics. And its avatar got shifty, its eyes moving back and forth faster than a Cylon's, and it replied, "Why? What have you heard?" We assured it that we hadn't heard anything, but that wasn't good enough for cH@rliE, who quickly went on: "Bill put me up to it. It was all Bill's idea!" When we demanded to know what, exactly, had been Bill's idea, cH@rliE stated, "I've said too much already. If you want to know any more, ask Bill." So, we did. Bill claimed that he didn't know what the chatbot was chatting about. We don't know whether we should be spending more time in the office kissing up to our boss or polishing our resumes. But we are certain of one thing.
When it comes to navigating interoffice politics, chatbots have clearly learned from the masters.
Enjoy,Trump's More Like Darth Helmet - He Has No Appreciation For The Classics!
Racism comes - you should pardon the expression - in a variety of colours.
On the one hand, you have Donald Trump, who exists to cater to the people whose racism is emotional, visceral, to the prejudices of people who are happy to see the viscera of others, as long as they are the right colour.
The people, not the viscera, which tend to be the same colour for all of us.
On the other hand, Stephen Miller caters to people who prefer their racism to be coated with a sheen of intellectualism. He quotes numbers, such as the number of people who died to defend slavery. Unlike Trump, he's even read a book! (Okay, it was The Camp of the Saints, but it had...words...put together in sentences, almost like a book that didn't describe non-whites in degrading animalistic terms.)
Honestly, they are both shades of black, but that still counts as a difference of colour. Not that black is a colour - it's actually the absence of colour - but let's not get bogged down in details.
Some believe that Miller is Trump's mini-me. Others think he is the lack of conscience that whispers vile things in Trump's ear. I think he's the Darth Vader to Trump's Lord Palpatine. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a classical art reference.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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If They Succeed In Eating Our Brains, Will We Stop Caring About Where We Walk?
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1604355178]
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The good news (for some value of "good"): the television show that gave the world Donald Trump is back. The bad news: the Donald Trump who stars in it has a Jr. after his name. Will Junior be able to stay off the drugs long enough to fire anybody, or will he dissolve into a puddle of inchoate grievance the first time a contestant challenges him? Will his dad's destruction of he world economy affect his viewership, or will large numbers of people hate-binge the show? As long as he continues to wield influence with the government of Trump Sr., will Jeff Bezos care?
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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You Know How Much You Love Sorting Your Garbage Into Regular, Recyclable And Compostable? It's Like That On Steroids! (Which Should NOT Be Going Into Your Garbage - Take Any Leftover Drugs To Your Local Pharmacy For Proper Disposal. Heathen!)
You know all those things governments used to do? Pay for crossing guards to help little old children across the street? Garbage collection? Mail? They were fun while they lasted, but let's be honest: we can't fund government services and give our wealthy donors tax breaks. That math just doesn't math. Fortunately, the Ontario government has a plan.
You do it.
Join Ontario Corpse. Your volunteer service will help little old children cross the street, clean up the garbage homeowners leave on the side of the road, help people who cannot get to the nearest community mailbox to pick up their letters, and so much more. The wealthy keep more of their heard-earned money and you get to feel good about contributing to your community - it's win-win, really.
Ontario Corpse. Established in 2024. Your future.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1029952956]
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Armageddon Will Be A Ball...room
A typical Donald Trump press conference these days:
JOURNALIST 1: Do you think declaring total victory in Iran makes the Iranian regime want to negotiate peace with you?
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: No. I don't think so. You know I was just stating facts - you can't argue with facts. Like, the ballroom will be the biggest, grandest meeting place for world leaders in the world. It's a fact. You can't argue with it.
JOURNALIST 2: The case against James Comey for threatening you, Mister President, was dismissed in less than two hours. Do you think it's really worth destroying the reputation of the Department of Justice to go after your personal enemies?
PRESIDENT TRUMP: You know what would really destroy the reputation of the Department of Justice? If I was assassinated on their watch. That's why the big, beautiful ballroom will have bullet-proof windows and metal detectors. It'll be so beautiful, it'll be the envy of leaders around the world.
JOURNALIST 3: You originally said you would pay for the ballroom. Then, you said anonymous investors would pay for the ballroom. Now, it looks like taxpayers may be on the hook for most, if not all of the cost of construction. How do you explain that to the average voter who is hurting financially?
PRESIDENT TRUMP: Thank you for that insightful question. I would say...Iran will negotiate peace with us because they know that, if they don't, we will bomb them back into the Stone Age. Or earlier. We'll bomb them back into that scene in that movie with the monkeys fooling around with bones. If I was them, I'd negotiate right away!
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448853-trump-is-warning-belle-of-the-ballroom]
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