Thank you, F.G. Vereneseneckockkrockoff, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, to celebrate Earth Hour, we lit a candle and read a book. Unfortunately, the candlelight was dim. Very dim. So dim, in fact, that we had to put the book close to the candle flame in order to make out the words. Very close to the candle flame. Too close, in retrospect. When we asked the firemen if their vehicle was solar powered, they laughed at us. We...may have to rethink our attitude towards saving the planet...
Enjoy,The Fail? Epic!
1 for the books...the psychiatric diagnostic manuals, specifically) President Donald Trump was offered 20 names for his then upcoming military action. He gave them thumbs down until his advisers suggested Epic Fury. What were some of the other choices?SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Prime Directive, Schmime Schmirective! What's In It For Us?
FridayFor the eighth week in a row, the USS MAGA Prize travels to a world where one group of people oppresses another, and decides that, for the betterment of the world, the Federation should side with the oppressors. The planet, for anybody who still cares, is called K'Blach'Net, and the people are the Tand and the Oori.
Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to let Bari Weiss take control of NBC's entertainment programming.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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When Democrats first refused to vote for a bill funding the Department of Homeland Security as long as it contained billions of dollars for ICE, it only seemed natural to start an office betting pool on how long they would hold out before they caved. In past situations, the Democrats have backed down from anything that would shut down any part of the government the moment voters started complaining about it (which often happened before the shutdown even started). There was even a lively side bet on what their excuse would be this time: "not wanting to be seen as jeopardizing national security" was the favourite; mos of the rest were unprintable in a family publication.
Well. Isn't this embarrassing? One month later, the Democrats still haven't voted for the DHS funding bill. This has played hell with the betting pool, since the longest period anybody thought they would hold out for was two minutes and thirty-seven seconds. Given this, I see no recourse but to invoke the Act of Gord clause of the Wawaneesa General Contract to invalidate the entire pool. Better luck next time, everybody.
SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter
[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/March2026.txt]
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In response to the United States investigating several countries, including China, for using government subsidies that could give them an unfair advantage over US competitors and using slave labour, China has announced that it will be investigating whether the United States uses government subsidies (primarily to the military) that could give it an unfair advantage over Chinese competitors and using slave labour (mostly in prisons).
"Hey, that was our idea!" complained US Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick. "If you're going to be like that, we're gonna start a third investigation on...copyright infringement! Yeah! Copyright infringement! Not feeling so clever now, are you? Are you?"
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49ddccd7-f6f9-3f3f-9f25-a3eb3cc3a528]
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You Want Nonsense Masquerading As Political Wisdom? Leave It To Leavitt!
Hmm...constitutional scholar or woman who has great hair. Woman who has great hair or constitutional scholar. Who is more credible? I'm not gonna lie to you - it's a tough choice. But I'm gonna go with...the woman with great hair. Because, great hair.
White House spokeshair model Karoline Leavitt has clearly learned that the key to good propaganda is to drown your opponents in words. By the time you're finished your jumble of factual misrepresentations and ad hominem (translation: include the...rap singer?) attacks, the eyes of everybody in the room will have glazed over and they'll dully respond, "Uhh...yeah, what she said."
This wasn't merely a word salad, it was the whole word produce buffet! Of course, with so much veggie verbiage to wade through, everybody will come away from what she said with their own interpretation. Some will believe she said, "[Z]ero...cheap...congressman...witch! [R]idiculous...not...story...propaganda...hill!" Others might come to the conclusion that her point was: "[L]etter...stunt...reporting...salacious...witch! [J]ail...so...morning...television."
Honestly, this wasn't a press conference, it was a political Rorschach test. And that isn't the kind of therapy the country needs right now!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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A Senate committee of the state legislature of Tennessee has approved a bill to replace Palestine's "West Bank" with "Judea and Samaria" in all official government documents.
In response, the government of Gaza has approved a bill that would replace America's "Tennessee" with "Jerusalem West" in all official government documents. Then it remembered, oh, yeah, for all practical purposes there is no government in Gaza, and added its bill was "aspirational."
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2026Mar25.html]
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