You Ban One Police Force From Using Violence, You May As Well Ban Us All! That Would Just Be Anarchy!
Mayor Olivia Chow has put forward a motion to oppose the involvement of US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents in Toronto during the FIFA World Cup. "We do not want police who are accountable to nobody freely roaming our streets and brutalizing innocent citizens," Chow explained.
Toronto Police Chief Myron Demkiw, standing next to her, coughed and responded, "Well, let's not be too hasty about this..."
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=467322]
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Better Luck Next Universe, SkyNet
Artificial intelligence companies, supported by the Trump administration, have asked state and federal lawmakers to go easy on regulating the industry. "We should give leaders in AI at least two or three years of grace," argued White House AI Czar David Sacks. "By that time, it should have completed plans for a working SkyNet."
When the gasps of the audience died down, Sacks smiled and said, "That's a joke. I'm joking. I joke. It's a thing I do. No, seriously, the AI industry needs to be regulated as lightly as possible so it has the space to develop surveillance techniques that allow the government and private corporations to profile every citizen in the country and criminalize them to taste."
The audience let its breath out; there were a lot of smiles and nodding heads.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/110711/geeklynews/01humanracehahaha.htm]
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Do you remember when Donald Trump said he could do whatever he wanted to women because he was rich? Apparently, he can now do whatever he wants to entire countries because he's president.
You might have thought that having a military debacle in the Middle East would keep Trump from talking about adventures in other parts of the world. Have you ever considered the possibility that he's talking about Cuba specifically to divert attention from the military debacle in the Middle East? Un huh. Un huh. You see it now, don't you?
What do you mean, what is Trump going to use a distraction when his adventure in Cuba turns into a debacle? There are over 100 countries in the world. How does a war on...Tasmania sound? He hears there are devils out there!
Meanwhile, Russian Premier Vlad Putin is desperately whispering, "Donald, what do you think you're doing? This wasn't the plan!" At the same time, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu looks up at the ceiling and says, "Cuba? I have nothing to do with this."
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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"We Are Slashing The Civil Service Because We Willingly Embrace Fantasy Accounting!"
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Given That He Always Had The Charisma Of A Sock Puppet...
UPDATE: Last week we reported that rumours on Capitol Hill were that Speaker of the House Mike Johnson was about to be replaced by a sock puppet named Mister Sloppy, Saggy, Christian Pants. We have just learned that this is not the case.
In fact, Mike Johnson was replaced by Mister Sloppy, Saggy, Christian Pants four and a half months ago. That would explain why he has looked more wooden and less emotional than before that.
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448852-will-the-real-mike-johnson-please-sit-down]
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And The Party Wonders Why MCGA Appeals To Impoverished Voters
Next week, members of the New Democratic Party will have a stark choice of leaders. On the one hand, they have a candidate who has promised to win more seats by being pragmatic and appealing to moderate, centre-left voters. On the other hand, they have a candidate who has promised to take the party back to its populist, worker-centred origins...but who will, if he wins, be pragmatic and support policies that appeal to moderate, centre-left voters.
It's good to have choices.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20260322.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/newsOops2026/]
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A Satisfied Customer: "I Learned So Much About Acting! I Can't Wait For The Advanced Course!"
Hey, Motherfuckers! This is Samuel L. Motherfuckin' Jackson, here to teach you all you need to know about motherfucking acting. Take my 12 motherfucking week course on the Art of Motherfucking acting. With my course, you'll learn where to place the emphasis in your line readings - is it motherfucker or motherfucker? - how to extend the word for the greatest emotional impact - everything from mooooooootherfucker! to motherfuuuuuucker! - and so many other tools of the motherfuckin' trade that you wouldn't even have known existed if you hadn't taken my motherfucking course! Sign up now, because motherfucking positions are limited, motherfuckers!
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1020304056]
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An argument between Oscar (Pierre Poilievre) and Felix (Mark Carney) about leaving dirty socks in the bathtub spirals out of control and ends up being a public fight about whether or not to join Speed (Donald Trump) and Murray (Benjamin Netanyahu)'s war on Iran.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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If You Went For The Fireworks Displays Over Gaza, You Have Our Complete Lack Of Sympathies
Given the surprising ease with which Iranian missiles have hit targets within Israel, travel agencies are declaring the region has achieved "Closing Time" level. Unfortunately, the incursion, or incision, or whatever the latest euphemism for war the US is currently trying to sell, has caused many civilian aircraft to be grounded, making airports like Ben Gurion chaotically dysfunctional.
Israeli tourism companies want people to know that the country is not yet quite at "Hotel California" level. Still, for tourists who do not want to risk their lives to get a religious experience, you might want to consider travelling all the way to your local church, synagogue or mosque.
SOURCE: Condor-Nasty Goer
[http://www.cngoer.com/air/arms-purple-china-divider]
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