“Josh?”
“Darrin?”
“I’m thinking…Brits.”
“Like…Ekland, and…and Spears to her friends?”
“What?”
“What?”
“Oh. No, not Britts. Brits. You know. British people? From Britain?”
“Oh? What -“
“Spears to her friends. Ha! I like that. Great.”
“Great. Thanks. So…Brits, what about them?”
“You take a British actor, give him a role as a cranky guy, surround him with great American character actors, and you have television gold. Television gold, I tell you!”
“Brits.”
“Exactly. Like that guy…in that show…you know the one I’m talking about. The one who starred in Blackadder?”
“Rowan Atkinson?”
“No. …I mean, yes, Rowan Atkinson was in Blackadder, and he was great, but he’s not in a hit American TV series.”
“Stephen Fry?”
“No, I mean yes, but no. I’m thinking of the star of – you know – that medical show!
”
“ER? St. Elsewhere? Marcus Welby? What?”
“That…that medical show! You know! Uhh – House!”
“You mean This Old House?”
“NO, NOT BLOODY THIS OLD HOUSE! Although they did help with some great ideas when I was renovating my kitchen.”
“I swear by it. Really. It’s a great show.”
“Yeah. …But, no, I’m talking about the actor who stars in House. Just House.”
“Oh. You’re thinking of Tim Roth.”
“Yes! No!”
“He’s a British actor in an American TV series.”
“And, he’s great. But, the series he stars in is Lie To Me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Would I lie to you?”
“Well…”
“Let’s not make this about my personality, okay? I’m in therapy, and it’s great. But, uhh, you do seem to get the idea. It’s a trend.”
“Two examples is a trend?”
“A trendoid?”
“We could say it’s trending…”
“When we add the series we’re going to create, then it will be a trend.”
“Three is a trend. The Hollywood Reporter said so.”
“So, okay. We need another Brit to build a hit show around. I was thinking Terry Gilliam.”
“Terry Gilliam?”
“You sound skeptical. Why would you be skeptical? He did the animations for Monty Python’s Flying Circus. He…he played Cardinal Fang in the Spanish Inquisition sketch. He’s great.”
“Sure, he’s great. But. he’s not British.”
“But…but…but Monty Python. They’re British.”
“Yes. Yes, they were. But, Terry Gilliam was American.”
“American?”
“American. What about another member of the Python cast?”
“Like…umm…the one who…uhh…you know, in that sketch about the parrot?”
“The dead parrot?”
“It wasn’t dead. It was resting.”
“It wasn’t resting. It was dead.”
“No, no. It was just shagged out after a long squawk. The Norwegian Blue – beautiful plumage.”
“Monty Python was hilarious, weren’t they?”
“The best. Next to Saturday Night Live, of course.”
“Of course. And, SCTV. They were great.”
“The best. And, Fridays, they were great. Half the cast of Seinfeld came out of Fridays, you know.”
“I did know.”
“In fact, now that I think of, what was so great about Monty Python?”
“I don’t know. But, they were great.”
“Yeah. They were great.”
“So, which Python actor were you thinking?”
“Uhh…that one. The…the…the dead parrot one.”
“I see your problem.”
“Okay. Forget Terry Gilliam. Forget Python. How about…Donald Sutherland?”
“Donald Sutherland?”
“Great actor. He starred in M*A*S*H. Man, he can -“
“Donald Sutherland? Are you sure you aren’t thinking of Alan Alda?”
“Noooooo. Alan Alda starred in the cartoon version of the movie.”
“Oh.”
“Donald Sutherland starred in Klute and…a lot of great movies like that. He’s great.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s great.”
“And, he can give good crusty.”
“Great, and can give good crusty. Great. But, he’s not British.”
“He’s not British?”
“He’s Canadian.”
“Canadian?”
“Canadian.”
“Well…that’s almost British, isn’t it? It’s kind of British…ish, don’t you think?”
“Britishesque?”
“British-like? Brike?”
“Okay. We’re really forging new spheres in English usage, here, and that’s really great, but I don’t see a movie.”
“Hugh Jackman?”
“Australian.”
“Ewan Mcgregor?”
“Scottish.”
“Peter Sellers?”
“Dead.”
“Dead…but British.”
“Ooookay, I’ll give you that one. Still, hard to build a hit television series around somebody who is dead.”
“Why not? They did it with Two and a Half Men.”
“Jon Cryer was not dead.”
“He wasn’t?”
“Only his career was dead.”
“But, other than that, he was great.”
“Great…ish.”
“Yeah. …So, what do you think?”
“Can I get back to you?”
“On the series concept?”
“On what I think about the series concept. My body may be in the office, but my mind is vacationing in the south of France.”
“Great.”