Much has been made of how Barack Obama’s plan to reform the American health care system will lead the country down the path of socialized medicine. As somebody who lives in a country that actually has down the path, through the gate and across the blighted field that is socialized medicine, I thought I could help Americans understand the hell that is about to be unleashed upon them. In a handy question and answer format.
1) Why isn’t everybody in Canada dead?
2) Why Guatemala?
3) What is a single payer system?
4) Really?
5) Doesn’t the government ration health care in a single payer system?
6) But, right now American insurance companies determine which services are important (without quotation marks) enough to be covered and which aren’t. Should I trust an organization that wouldn’t pay out to Katrina victims when their houses were destroyed with my gall bladder?
6a) I was an arts major.
7) Are Canadians allowed to choose their own doctors?
8) This is all very abstract. Can you give me an example of how the Canadian system works?
9) And, that’s bad?
10) If it’s so bad, why does Canada still have a single payer health system?
11) You know, to be honest, reading your answers, the single payer system comes out looking kind of…good. Don’t you think?
1) Why isn’t everybody in Canada dead?
Even socialized medicine is medicine. Some of our citizens do occasionally get lucky and get the health care they need from our system. The rest go to Guatemala.
Cheap plane fares.
3) What is a single payer system?
Just what it sounds like, a system where one person pays. And, if you’re a Rockefeller or Bill Gates, maybe you can afford to pay for the health care of an entire country, but most of us are barely able to pay for our Internet porn!
Well, okay. In a single payer system, the government pays for most medical services.
5) Doesn’t the government ration health care in a single payer system?
Exactly! The Canadian government determines which services are “important” enough to be covered and which aren’t. And, frankly, would you trust an organization that couldn’t even make the right call on the Iraq war with the health of your gall bladder?
6) But, right now American insurance companies determine which services are important (without quotation marks) enough to be covered and which aren’t. Should I trust an organization that wouldn’t pay out to Katrina victims when their houses were destroyed with my gall bladder?
Of course you should! I think – the construction of your question was a little odd. When a government does it, it’s rationalization. When a private company does it, it’s rational allocation of resources. Biggest difference in the world. Man, you must have been really high in Econ 101.
That explains it.
7) Are Canadians allowed to choose their own doctors?
No. well, only in the limited sense that they are allowed to choose their own doctors. Other than that, which doctors Canadians are allowed to see is completely dictated by the government.
8) This is all very abstract. Can you give me an example of how the Canadian system works?
Sure. My Aunt Morris went to our family doctor with a severely infected big toe. Something to do with careless use of a power saw. That’s not important. It took her two days to get an appointment. Two days! The doctor took one look at the diseased toe, prescribed antibiotics, and, within a week, she was fine.
Compared to what would have happened if she had been an American? hell, yes! If your American Aunt…Maurice (cause she’s the pompatus of love) had had the same condition – really, how power tools are dropped on human digits is irrelevant. Let’s move on, okay? – your Aunt Maurice would have been looked at within the first five minutes of arriving at the doctor’s office. Blood tests would have been taken, and possibly, probably an x-ray of the damaged toe – hell, an x-ray of your entire foot – why take chances? Then, the doctor would consult with a toeologist to ensure that his initial diagnosis was correct. Granted, this back and forth would take three or four days, but at least while you were waiting, you would be happy in the knowledge that the finest medical minds in the world were on your case, unlike in the Canadian example, where you would have had to live with the uncertainty while waiting for your appointment.
So, okay, all of the tests and consultations would cost you $15,000, and, if you’re one of the 45 million Americans who don’t have insurance, you could be forced into bankruptcy to pay for your medical care. And, even if you were insured, the company might very well claim that your infected toe was a pre-existing condition (how long have you owned that power tool?), and stick you with the bill, with all the bankruptcy implications that come with it. Still, isn’t that worth the peace of mind?
10) If it’s so bad, why does Canada still have a single payer health system?
While politicians, many medical professionals and, of course, insurance companies want sane, private health care, the vast majority of Canadians are “happy” with the system as it is. The New Democratic Party, a socialist powerhouse in Canada, has had them all brainwashed. There’s no other rational explanation.
11) You know, to be honest, reading your answers, the single payer system comes out looking kind of…good. Don’t you think?
Socialist bastard!