Excerpts from Glenn beck’s 8/28 speech:
This is not a political rally. This is a peanut butter and pyjamas party! You know how you always loved peanut butter when you were a kid? And, you never wanted to get out of your pyjamas? Well, let’s all be kids again, America. Pushing each other into the creek on a cold winter’s morning. Taking the tires off Old Man Withers’s car so we could make swings off the branches of the old oak tree. Listening to the adults because they knew more than us and, anyway, we would get a good thrashing if we didn’t. That’s what America needs, America, a good thrashing – to remind us of the joys of our youth.
The fact that today’s event is taking place on the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech is a complete coincidence. When we started planning for the event six months ago, we could not have foreseen that August 28th was the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s speech. What do you think we are – calendar readers? Just as, when we planned for the event to take place at the Lincoln Memorial, we had no idea that that was where King had made his speech. I mean, jeez, people, that’s ancient history! The only history that we care about – the only history that matters – is the kind that wears tri-corner hats!
This is not a political rally. I’m going to ask Sarah Palin to speak in a few moments, but there’s nothing political about that. She isn’t in public office. In fact, she quite public service to serve her country. Could anything possibly be more patriotic? And, she was rewarded with a multi-million dollar publishing contract and a lucrative career as a public speaker. There is justice in this world, people! Palin won’t be speaking about politics – she’ll be talking about mama grizzlies and shootin’ bears from helicopters and other stuff which, frankly, I can’t always follow, but her heart’s in the right place (politically…sssshhh…), so we should all pay special attention to every apolitical word she says!
Now, my critics have been saying I’m no Martin Luther King. I know that! I’m not delusional! I know I’m not Martin Luther King. For one thing, I’m white. For another thing, I’m a millionaire. For another thing, I speak power to the truthless. So, that’s three differences right there. But, this is a moment, quite honestly, that I think we reclaim the civil rights movement from those who have historically had their rights violated. What do they know about civil rights? It’s not like they were using theirs! It was the wealthy, white people in power who were actually able to exercise their civil rights. We could learn a lot from them.
This is not a political rally. I have asked Michele Bachmann to speak here today because of her love of pyjamas and her knowledge of 18th century Etruscan movie tie-in toys given away at fast food restaurants. I’m sure she won’t refer to the left-wing pinko commie Obama government that wants to kill your grandma and put all honest, decent, gun-owning Americans into internment camps so that urban criminals – you know exactly who I mean! – can live off wealth they didn’t earn!
Oops. (giggles maniacally) My bad.
We’re here, today, to honour the men and women who have given so much for their country. I am speaking, of course, of Freedom Works’ Dick Armey and his backers, the Koch brothers. Because, you know what they say: things go better with Koch. A henh, a henh. Yeah. Oh, and, of course, Rupert Murdoch and all the guys and gals at the Cato Institute and, oh, too many others to mention! They are the real patriots: standing up for the America they believe in against cable news networks that don’t get anywhere near the audience that we do! I mean: they do!
This is not a political rally. It is a day-long advertisement for Goldline, a fine company that sells coins to patriotic Americans…why, goodness, just like you! When everything goes to hell – but, it’s not quite the End Times hell, friends, not just yet – it’s just governmental order collapsing into chaos hell – what are you going to want to own? Silver? Worthless. You can’t eat silver. Mollyb – Moldybnamu – uhh, polonium? No, friends, you can’t protect yourself from your neighbours with polonium. But, gold, gold will see you through any crisis. Somehow. Stock up today!
Because everything is going to hell, friends. A little spirit whispered it into my ear. Not the spirit…well, maybe the spirit. I swore an oath I wouldn’t say, and you know how vindictive spirits can be when you disobey them. It could be the spirit of 1776. It could be the spirit of St. Louis. It could be the spirit of fair play. Not likely, but it could be. But, I can tell you this: it is a Christian spirit. Because, that was the spirit on which this country was funded – henh henh – I mean, founded. Whichever spirit it may be. And, I thank the spirit. I thank the spirit for our short attention spans – oh, look – is that a Mosque being built on Ground Zero? And, I thank the spirit for our lack of historical memory: I know that the country wasn’t founded on the separation of church and state, and, now that I’ve said it, you know it, too. And, I thank the spirit for all that it has done…for me, because without this spirit, I know – sniff – I promised myself I wouldn’t do this – sniff – I know I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you today.
This is not a political rally. This is America.